The Art Of Being A Happy Couple: 5 Simple Habits Of Naturally Happy Couples
Love often feels effortless when couples do these low-effort things.
Abbat | Unsplash For some couples, the wedding has ended, and they settle into a marriage routine. Others have been married for several years, are consumed by checklist activities, and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on their relationship.
But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team? Whether you're newlyweds looking to build strong foundations or a long-term couple wanting to rediscover your spark, these habits can transform the quality of your connection. The art of being a happy couple is a collection of simple, powerful choices made day after day.
Here are five simple habits of naturally happy couples:
1. They operate as a team
This is an easy concept to forget, especially if we feel we compete with our partner either for affection, in our careers, or for time. Take a step back and ask yourselves what changes you need to make to ensure you and your partner operate as a team.
However, a healthy team mentality is not an all-encompassing fusion of identities. Research is clear that the most successful couples strike a balance between interdependence and individual autonomy.
2. They take one for the team
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This is based on compromise. Sometimes, when we are in conflict, it will take days or even weeks before we reach an agreement on an issue.
I know we usually maintain our position because we often feel that giving it up means weakness, but look at all the good times you have lost with your spouse while you were so busy maintaining that position. At times, conflict is inevitable, but it can be a powerful thing for your marriage when you can put your partner's needs before your own.
3. They make decisions together
The acronym for the team is a powerful message to remember. Some of those major decisions you should make as a team should be how many kids you will have and how you raise them, where you want to live, how you will navigate your careers, and how you will handle finances.
Working jointly and not just sliding into a role can make your relationship more cohesive. Research has found that when couples align on shared goals, they create a unifying force that fosters teamwork and collaboration.
4. They set goals for themselves and their relationship
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You and your partner have goals and aspirations for your life, and you should have these goals. Remember, you were an individual before you were married.
But how often have you not shared your dreams with your spouse because you feared what they might say? Keep in mind that your spouse could be your biggest champion, but you have to let them know your thoughts.
5. They know that the strength of the team is each member, and the strength of each member is the team
This quote by Coach Phil Jackson has to do with bringing your best self to the table. I always ask my clients if they know their personality and their spouses.
It's crucial to understand so you can be sure you put each other in the best position to excel. We can tend to overextend ourselves and then not have enough energy to give to our relationship. When we know each other's personalities, we can see where our spouse is drained and either point it out or take on some of the responsibility.
Most of us don't take that responsibility when it comes to having a decisive marriage. We slide through our marriages, and the major decisions we make have to feel like a team.
What's interesting about this study is that most of us have probably been on a team one way or another. From sports teams as children to present work teams.
We have always relied on other people to get the job done and win. Why doesn't teamwork translate when we get married? The main reason is our approach. We don't utilize the team concept when it comes to our relationships.
We usually come together because the people we marry usually best meet our individual needs, not that we will make the best team. So when we have a conflict with our partner or when that partner does something far too damaging, we find it's easier to change partners.
Even I, who have been on teams almost all of my life, found it difficult to handle arguments with my wife. The main reason was that I focused more on my needs than on our needs.
One of our more famous stories that my wife usually tells at parties had to do with one of our adventures to the grocery store to buy formula for our infant daughter, Olivia. We would normally buy Enfamil with Iron, but on this day, I didn't have enough money to buy it, so I just bought the regular Enfamil.
Well, most of you know what happened next. My wife was furious that I would put my need to keep a few extra dollars in the bank before the family needed to make sure our daughter was healthy. So the next day, she bought the most expensive high chairs in the store. What did I say about this? Nothing.
Over time, we have grown and shifted our marriage to a more team approach, and that has helped us thrive in our marriage and aid in the decisions we make as a couple. By applying these team principles to your marriage, your marriage can thrive every day, especially when you have to make those major decisions. What other team concepts have you applied to your marriage that helped you be successful?
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and author of In The Paint: How to Win the Game of Love.
