Woman Wonders If She Should Stop Talking To A Man She Met Online Because He's Poor
“I very much have the mindset that I want to create a financially rich life for myself.”
Hananeko_Studio / Shutterstock.com Whether you need a dual income to survive, raise a family, or simply fund a life of adventure and luxury, many are taking financial compatibility into consideration while dating.
One woman’s Reddit post in the “Money” forum got people talking after she debated breaking things off with a potential romantic partner over his bank account balance.
A woman said she’s considering breaking things off with a man she met online because ‘he’s poor’ — ‘It is sad to lose someone over this.’
“I could write a page about all the things I like and connect with him on,” the woman in her late-20s revealed on Reddit, “but it’s this kind of thinking that he has which really bothers me.”
While this woman already makes a great living for herself, she can’t help but admit she’s not looking for “struggle love” — especially where she’s the one providing in the relationship. It might work for some couples, but at this stage in her life, she doesn’t want it.
She wrote, “I very much have the mindset that I want to create a financially rich life for myself because there is so much I want to learn, do, and explore. I would like to be with someone who is the same, who is optimistic about what’s possible and thinking about how they can expand themselves in this way.”
Despite building a ‘great connection,’ she said she wants someone with an optimistic financial mindset.
Especially since she doesn’t want to have children — at least anytime soon — she’s looking for someone who treats her well, is a healthy partner, and can add to the lifestyle she’s looking to achieve. Like many “DINKS” (“Double Income, No Kids”) in committed relationships, they’re able to spend an incredible amount of money on the things that light them up — whether it be food, travel, or simply investing in comfort.
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“Honestly, I don’t want to be the one making the majority of the money/paying for everything in a relationship because I want someone where together our incomes are wayyy better than one, and our life expands because of it,” she shared. “I don’t want to carry most of that weight.”
While money clearly isn’t everything, she confessed that for her it's an important factor to align on.
She wrote, “Thinking of breaking off the connection because of this. Not sure if I should tell him that’s the reason if I do. We’re not officially dating yet, but definitely building a deep connection. I’d be sad to lose someone over this but it’s also just not what I want.”
While many commenters wanted her to be optimistic about love, some said most relationships fail because of ‘financial incompatibility.’
While the pair might be in love or building a great connection, if one of them isn’t willing to compromise financially or grow into a new attitude about money, their long-term commitment is unlikely to last. Whether financial differences turn into resentment, or worse, financial instability keeps them from their dream lives, the couple’s love for each other will be the first thing sacrificed.
“The person you marry can be the biggest financial decision you ever make,” one person wrote. “A lot of relationships fail due to differing opinions about money. In my personal experience, people with a mindset like this will hold you back just like they hold themselves back.”
Financial incompatibility might seem unsuspecting when you first fall in love with someone, but the moment you disagree over dinner prices in front of friends, fail to take that promised European honeymoon, or disagree about a new job opportunity, it often bubbles to the surface.
However, is it not just as important to share similar values about love, compassion, and empathy? Are qualities aligning with love languages, future plans, or expectations of standards less important? Should a difference in money motivation, financial futures, and the relationship between wealth and identity be prioritized over the latter?
It’s the case others made in the comments, urging this woman to “follow her heart” instead of listening to misguided opinions on Reddit about her love life.
They might have a great point. Following your heart while ensuring you make space to honestly and openly discuss logistics, values, and future plans can be the best case for finding the perfect life match.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.