Heartbreak

How The Happiest Women Find Hope When They're Sick & Tired Of Being Alone

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When you struggle with finding a partner and go through long periods of being single, you may find yourself asking, “Will I be alone forever?"

You seek hope in your horoscope. You patronize your local psychic. You pray to your higher power.

If, after all of this, you still don’t see results you can begin to feel that destiny has become an obstacle to happiness.

It's as if there is some force outside of you conspiring to keep you from your soulmate, as if a window is closing.

Here’s another important question to ask yourself — how much pain do you have to be in to finally have had enough and say goodbye to this story of perpetual loneliness?

How can you break this cycle and find contentment?

RELATED: 7 Subtle Signs You're Suffering From Chronic Loneliness

How to find hope when you're worried you'll be alone forever

Motivation for the biggest changes in life comes from difficult circumstances. Whether it is changing a career or figuring out your love life, ultimately your motivation comes from your dissatisfaction with your current circumstances.

Use your discomfort and worry as motivation to prove your fears wrong

Tell yourself, “Enough!”

Commit yourself to create the miracle of living your life with your soulmate by your side.

If you listen to famous performers and athletes when they are interviewed, so many of them recount a story of someone who didn’t believe in them as motivation for proving that person wrong. This can be a powerful force in keeping you going as you transform your limiting beliefs about love.

Decide you will prove destiny wrong, that your free will is stronger than any pre-destined outcome.

RELATED: The 'Dark' Reality You Need To Embrace — If You Want A Happy, Balanced Life

Stop giving your power away 

To break free of this belief that you are meant to be alone, you have to know that your free will is stronger than any karma, soul contract, astrological conditions, or whatever you think is determining your fate. You have the power within you to break free from this curse.

But you first must stop giving your power away to outside forces and circumstances.

A psychic or intuitive doesn’t have the power to successfully predict the future 100 percent of the time. The reason is that you have free will and can make a different choice or take a new action.

The psychic is just reading your current energy and seeing what your future looks like if nothing were to change. Like a train on a track, psychics see where you’re headed — nothing more, nothing less.

You are responsible for where you can go in life. You need not continue down the same track.

If you desire a great love relationship, you must release yourself from the idea that you are destined to be alone as if there is some power in the universe dolling out who does or doesn’t get love.

RELATED: 7 Things You Must Do To Create Your Own Luck & Get What You Want

Take responsibility for change

It is so tempting to look for something outside of you – an authority, a psychic, signs from the universe, etc. — to give you the key to changing your destiny. If there were some wise sages who could grant you the wisdom you need to finally have love in your life, then you could rest easy.

But that wisdom is ultimately inside of you. You are your own authority.

Part of accepting that truth is learning to trust yourself. If you truly are meant to be alone then there is nothing you can do.

Notice how that leaves you feeling powerless. If it is true, then you might as well give up trying and make the most of your lonely life.

You’re not destined to be alone. You are not powerless to alter your life. You are, however, responsible for changing your life — no one else can do that for you.

Meeting your soulmate is not something that happens by accident. It is a conscious journey to bring in a beloved partner, one that you have the free will choice to embark upon.

RELATED: Cleaning Up My Messy Mind: How I Finally Took Control Of My Mental Health

Don't give in to destiny

The belief that you are destined to be alone is your biggest block to having a loving life partner. It’s time to find the courage to let go of this belief that isn’t serving you.

As long as you hold onto this belief you will be safe. You may not be as happy and content as you’d like to be, but you will be safe — and safety is the most important thing to your subconscious mind.

Your subconscious doesn’t care if you are safe and happy, or safe and miserable. It just wants to keep things the same.

Your subconscious mind is committed to homeostasis above all else.

To release the belief that you are meant to be alone, you have to find the courage to stop looking for answers outside of yourself and start believing that you deserve love.

RELATED: I Love Being Alone — But It’s A Trauma Response

Remember, you are not alone in feeling alone

You are not special in that you are somehow destined to be alone in this life or in any other. You are just like everyone else.

You are here to share your experience with another, to feel connected to another. You were born the physical embodiment of the energy of love (just like every child that has come into the world) and you deserve to be loved and to share your life with a partner that gets you and loves you.

Many people write to us that they are the exception. They believe they are meant to be alone in this life and that nothing they do will change that fact.

The majority of these people have usually given up because they are tired of experiencing heartbreak and loneliness. They believe that they will feel more peaceful if they just stop looking and release the desire for a soulmate.

It’s up to you to take the glimmer of hope you have and to grow it. Start taking actions that will change your fate and release the belief that you are destined to be alone.

RELATED: No Relationship, No Problem: Why I'm In Love With Being Alone

Relegate bad experiences to the past

One of the reasons psychics, astrologers, and the like have had such a profound effect on you is that there is a part of you that sees some truth in what they are telling you.

You’ve probably had struggles in your relationships, or you wouldn’t have been reaching out to psychics or horoscopes in the first place. Then you find confirmation of your belief, it touches on a wound and you feel the “truth” of what you’ve discovered.

Your subconscious provides you with examples from your past and it reinforces the belief. And you are now stuck in a loop of belief, evidence, reinforced belief, more evidence, and so on.

This cycle is present in your life and it is shaping your experiences, however, it is not the be-all and end-all. You are not powerless to change it and release it altogether.

Consider people who have been smoking cigarettes for decades. They identify as a smoker, and they have lived within the culture of a smoker for many years.

Their social life revolves around taking the time to smoke. At some point, many of them decide to break the pattern and release the need and desire to smoke.

They change into a non-smoker just as you can change into a person who is living her life alongside her soulmate.

RELATED: Why Living Alone Was The Best Thing That Could've Happened To Me

Master your false beliefs

To break this pattern, you need to discover the source of this belief that you are unlike everyone else on the planet and destined to be alone.

Begin looking for the source by examining your childhood. Root out the belief that you are meant to be alone like a weed in a garden.

Pull it up from the underground and shine it in the light where you can see it for the falsehood that it is.

Just like in the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy discovers that the wizard has no real powers and is just a man behind the curtain. And like Dorothy, you will also discover that you have the power to create your own destiny.

When you were born you were just like any other child who came into this world — you were the physical embodiment of the energy of love.

You didn’t have any limiting beliefs about love. You gave love freely and you received love openly.

And like all children you grew to discover that love was conditional in some way. And that to get the love you wanted you had to take on certain beliefs, strategies, and behaviors.

Very quickly this system became part of your understanding of how love works for you.

We call this system Your Love Imprint® and it includes your limiting beliefs, your mental and emotional patterns, and your strategies for giving and receiving love.

Your Love Imprint is what is driving your behavior in how you approach dating, mating, and relating. It is the core wound from childhood that needs to be transformed to release the limiting belief that you are destined to be alone.

RELATED: Being Scared Isn't A Good Enough Reason To Be Alone

Change your patterns — control your destiny

Healing your childhood wounds will allow you to let go of the emotional charge you’ve been carrying with the belief that you are meant to be alone. Meditating and looking for guidance are useful tools on your journey, but the deeper work of healing is what will change the outcome and your experiences.

You have an emotional story about love that is not serving you. We don’t call it a story to diminish your experience as much as one to encourage you to understand that you’ve created the meaning out of past events.

Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it. It’s very likely you assigned meaning to events from your childhood that led you to determine you are destined to be alone.

Now, as a grown woman, you can reassign new meanings that serve you to create what you desire — a life partner!

The past doesn’t have to be a predictor of what the future will bring. But to change your destiny, you ultimately need to change your inner beliefs and triggers.

RELATED: 11 Simple-Yet-Powerful Changes That Set You Up For The Happiest Life Ever

Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s "The Millionaire Matchmaker." They're the authors of the free ebook, "7 Steps To Soulmating," which can be found on their website

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This article was originally published at Love on Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.