Why Guys Ghost Women They Talk To Online —​ Before They Even Meet Them

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man looking off in distance

Using a dating app like Tinder or Bumble as a way to find your one true love is A LOT of hard work.

Sure, you can go ahead and laugh at that statement, but if you're doing that instead of nodding along in empathy, that's probably a sign that, in truth, you aren't using said dating apps correctly.

If you're using Tinder or Bumble or the like in the right correct way, you would be making as many connections with potential love matches as you possibly can, and then engaging those potential mates in meaningful conversations that move beyond simply saying a quick hello. And yeah, that kind of stuff can get draining.

There's nothing more frustrating than getting into an amazing conversation with someone you're extra excited to be chatting with on a dating app, only to have them suddenly go radio silent for no discernible reason. Sure, it's not like you guys had met in real life yet, but you definitely felt a spark and you wanted to see if it would be even better in person, but now he's gone and ghosted your (very cute) butt.

Whyfore, Romeo?!

To help you figure out the reasons behind this universally puzzling conundrum, I dug into the AskMen forum on Reddit to see if the guys over there could provide some reasonable form of insight.

And while it might be impossible for us to ever find Joe-the-bartender-with-the-great-floppy hair-and-super-hot-tattoos so you can ask him straight out what it was that you said or did that was so wrong it made him stop responding, it just so happens that the men of Reddit are more than happy to share their own personal thoughts on the matter.

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Here are 9 reasons why guys ghost women they talk to online​ before they even meet them, according to men on Reddit:

1. He got tired of doing all the work

"Bumble: starts the conversation with 'Hi!" If I can't start a conversation on Tinder with "Hi!" then neither can you. When you do that, you're telling me that I will have to do all the work, and you don't care (it shows), so why would I bother?"

"Tinder: You clearly have nothing interesting to say, or I'm the only one putting in the effort, or you seem totally self-centered, one-word responses, you want me to set something up but shoot it down right away without explanation, etc, etc, etc."

2. He was never interested in the first place

"So 90% of the time, it's because I swipe without looking, and some of my matches I have zero interest in. I often message them a bit for the sake of practice, not because I want to meet up. 9% of the time it's because I asked to meet up, and she said she was busy and didn't say 'I'll be free another day. 1% because they are the worst conversationalists on the planet. 'yes' 'no' 'omg same' I mean why even bother responding? Other guys may stop messaging you because they found an SO. That's why I imagine a lot of people ghost."

3. He found love offline. 

"Honestly I met a girl in real life who I liked better. Been with her for almost 2 years. It's a dating app so it's expected that you're texting more than one person at once, they probably just hit it off with someone else.

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4. He decided you weren't a match after talking for a little while

"She crossed a deal-breaker line. They're all over the place, and different from man to man. Stuff like offensive political views, overly religious, having an STD, obesity, gold digger"

5. He's got other "irons" in that dating fire

"Guys cast a wide net. Most of us have to. Some weeks I'd have 0 good conversations worthy of a meet-up. Some weeks I'd have 4. I don't have time for 4 dates, but let's say one or two of them go pretty well. I'm not going to start a 3rd new date. It's pretty bad to discuss a meetup and then ghost, though. It's bad to ghost in general. But my guess would be if you're having a good conversation and he ghosts, something probably blossomed with somebody else."

6. He got too busy with his life

"Too busy with life, other earlier matches, she replied at an inconvenient time, I read the message but I forgot to message back because of life/other messages (sometimes I'll even forget about hot chicks), not really interested because better matches. I'm busy with work and don't have tonnes of time for dating.

You are not the only girl I'm texting/messaging from Tinder/bumble. So it's likely that I went out on a date with someone else and it was a good date. With having limited time, I can only invest so much of it into dating, and a girl I've met and had a good time with will take priority over a girl I have not met yet."

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7. He literally thinks you're too good for him

"There's no way she'd ever be interested in me. I can't tell you how many times a woman has disappeared from my life after meeting up."

8. He was only in it for the pics

"I imagine he was hoping for some pictures. When that wasn't happening, they weren't going to meet with you because they already have a GF. Or maybe GF found his app and he's busted."

9. He's a lazy bum


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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.