What It's Really Like To Be In Love With An Abusive Narcissist

It's a horrible relationship, but I don't know how to leave.

Last updated on Sep 25, 2023

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I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for over four years. I didn't realize he was a narcissist until I began to feel as if I was losing my mind about two years ago and sought out therapy.

My therapist happened to specialize in narcissism abuse and told me this was what I was suffering from.

The relationship, or lack thereof, began good, then got very bad, and the cycle continued to get progressively worse and littered with emotional abuse.


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My therapist moved about six months ago and my life seems like it has been in shambles since then.

I have been on a new conquest for a new therapist but to no avail. Instead, I have searched the internet for tips and surprisingly haven't found much.

A couple of weeks ago I suspected him of cheating.

For example, he only wanted to be intimate outside of his home, and if I did go to his home I noticed things were tidier than usual, he had an extra toothbrush, changed his mind about us being exclusive every other day, and gave me silent treatments if I gave any opinion on our situation.


Last night I headed over to his house after we had a fight about investing some money into a couple romance retreat.

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Once I realized there were additional hidden costs, I knew I couldn't afford my half.

He didn't want to give me back my money and said I was backing out of things for us. Later that same night, he wanted to get physical and I was hesitant, so I said no.

He begged, so I finally gave in.

We began to get hot and heavy, but he didn't want to be intimate with me in his house — he wanted to use my car! In the middle of intimacy, he stopped to say he was no longer in the mood, leaving me alone in the car!


I put on my clothes and I asked if I could at least go into his apartment to wash up, and he said no. He finally agreed to let me use his basement bathroom to wash up, but it had no running water.

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When I got home, we had a talk about exclusivity and he said he didn't know how he felt about it.

We went back and forth for some time, but I just can't take it anymore! I sent him an email and a text message telling him how I felt about this whole ordeal and that I was done.

I'm so hurt. Narcissism abuse is just so different from anything I have ever experienced.


I'm thinking of changing my number or getting away, but I just don't know what to do.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

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