4 Well-Kept Secrets Womanizers Don't Want Women To Know

A dating coach shows that what you don't know might hurt you.

secrets womanizers don't want women to know Augusto Lotti on Unsplash

I have been a womanizer for a long time, so I know something about that category of men. I know, for instance, that a womanizer might exploit a woman's vulnerability when she puts herself out there to find a suitable mate.

Unfortunately, womanizers and players use ignorance to their advantage. Take it from an acknowledged womanizer: There are a few things we'd rather you didn't know, but I'm here to share the secrets.


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The four secrets womanizers don't want women to know:

1. There's a difference between players and cheaters

There are two types of womanizers: players and cheaters. One should be respected and the other should remain despised. 


There is an old saying, "Don't hate the player; hate the game." There is a lot of lighthearted validity to that adage. 

I distinguish players from cheaters because players have multiple female sex partners, and they are upfront and honest with women about their desire to be sexually satisfied by more than one woman. This type of womanizer does not try to hide, deny or camouflage the fact that monogamy is just not his thing.

Always appreciate men who are honest with women about their promiscuous desires.

Cheaters interact physically with multiple women under false pretenses. They present a facade of wanting to be involved in a long-term, monogamous relationship with one woman, but deep down they want variety in their bedrooms.


I have no respect for liars, manipulative game players, adulterers and cheaters. I simply do not like the idea of toying with someone's emotions.

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2. Some men are only as faithful as their options allow

While I would not say that this assertion is 100 percent valid, it is valid more often than not. With that, I have three points to make.

First, if you are a woman and you think a man is handsome, charming and worth dating, there is a huge chance that dozens, if not hundreds of other women feel the exact same way about him.

Women will literally compete with one another to secure this man's companionship.


Second, if a man develops a reputation for being very exciting and satisfying in bed with women, his "stock" is going to rise in the eyes of many women.

Third, it is very easy for a man to be faithful to one woman when he only has one woman offering him regular physical companionship. But when a man has five, ten, fifteen or twenty-plus women offering him physical companionship, it is much harder for a man to remain motivated to stay monogamous with just one woman. 

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3. The other woman rarely becomes the long-term girlfriend

Once you allow yourself to be relegated to the role of a man's "mistress," "woman-on-the-side", or "booty call," there is a good chance you will never be upgraded to the role of "wife" or "long-term girlfriend."


I had this discussion with a female friend recently. There are a number of women who naively think if they start out as the other woman, sooner or later they will earn the right to be "upgraded" to that man's wife, or long-term romantic partner.

That is not impossible, but extremely rare. 

As a woman, you must familiarize yourself with what is known as the "Madonna-Wh*re Complex."

I always tell women that understanding this concept first developed by legendary psychologist Dr. Sigmund Freud is the absolute first step to understanding why many men choose some women as long-term monogamous partners while interacting with other women only as short-term non-monogamous partners.


Without getting too lengthy here, I will give you the very short version.

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Most men want to date and marry women who remind them of their mothers. I cannot tell you how many men I know right now who are married or involved in a long-term relationship with a woman who has one or more similar attributes to that man's mother.

If you remind a man of his mother, to one degree or another, that is when his conscious or subconscious mind places you in the category of "girlfriend" or "wife" material. If the primary quality that stands out about you is your physical appeal and nothing else, then, nine times out of ten, that man is only going to look at you as casual partner material.


If it is truly your desire as a woman to be a man's future wife or girlfriend, then the worst thing you can do is start off being that man's "mistress" or "woman-on-the-side" while he is currently involved with someone else. You automatically lose respect in that man's eyes.

The chances of him ever upgrading you to the status of his No. 1 romantic companion are slim.

RELATED: How I Went From Being The Other Woman To Being His Wife


4. You can't change a womanizer

Do not ever fool yourself into believing that you can change a womanizer into a monogamous boyfriend or husband type. You cannot. 

So, from this point forward, stop telling your girlfriends, "I hate men! All of them are lying womanizers, cheaters and dogs!" That is not the whole truth. 

Accept the fact that if a man possesses a lot of highly desirable attributes, his romantic and physical companionship is going to be in demand. The best thing for you to do as a woman is to ask him what his long-term desires, interests and intentions are.

Remember: As long as a womanizer is honest with you about what type of relationship he wants, don't hate the player. Only hate the game-playing of liars and cheaters.


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Alan Roger Currie is a book author, dating coach, public speaker, and talk radio host. Follow him on Facebook for more.