The One Question You Must Ask Before You Sign The Divorce Papers

This question will help you realize whether you can save your marriage or not.

Last updated on Jun 09, 2024

Couple contemplating divorce, questions to ask yourself before hand Getty Images | Unsplash

Divorce is a word that all married couples want to keep out of their marriage vocabulary. Along with the pain of ending a long, loving, and meaningful commitment, there are many other aspects of the broken relationship at stake. The constant fighting and emotional distance between you and your spouse leaves you wondering, "Should I stay, or should I go? What is the right decision for me?" While your marriage may feel like it's careening on the precipice of failure, there can still be hope for you and your spouse. It's important to consider that it may not be over... no matter how angry, annoyed, hurt, betrayed, or completely done you may feel with your spouse. 


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Divorce coach Dr. Karen Finn strongly urges couples to reflect on their marriage before making a terrible, regrettable, and irreversible decision. 50 percent of divorcees have regrets about their breakup, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 percent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realizing they miss or still love their ex-partner." With this in mind, Dr. Karen Finn suggests considering this SUPER important question before signing the divorce papers: 


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Is there abuse, an untreated addiction, or is it just a really bad environment for you (and possibly your kids)? If you answered with a resounding, "Yes!" then get the heck outta there. This relationship isn't safe or healthy for you or your children. "You need to get the help you need, and go! Go now!" Dr. Karen Finn fervently says. Any form of abuse — emotional, physical, sexual, or financial — warrants a divorce. Sometimes they're difficult to spot, but when they're finally obvious within your relationship, you MUST pack your bags and run to a safe place away from your dangerous spouse. If your partner can't come to terms with his or her addiction and can't accept that it's a major problem, he/she isn't going to listen to you (or anyone else). Get out of there before the problem escalates!

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It can take a couple of tries for someone to leave an abusive relationship and is especially harder to do alone. If you find yourself in a situation like this, you must reach out for support from your friends or family. No one should have to go through this, and being surrounded by a good support team can make leaving that much easier, and future you will be so grateful that you took the first step and decided to start asking yourself questions about your marriage.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474/

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Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce, and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo, Psych Central, Huffington Post, Prevention, and The Good Men Project, among others.