Heartbreak

The Moment I Realized That I Deserve Better Than You

Photo: Anatoliy Karlyuk / Shutterstock
woman sitting inside thinking

By Gabriela Mischel

It’s Sunday night and you’re about to turn my world upside down.

We see each other for the first time in almost a week, and I know something is wrong. You refuse to even look at me when I show up. Talk about feeling rejected!

My emotions swirl round and round, leaving me unsure how I feel. I know something is very wrong, but I can’t decide how I feel about you.

I’m pretty sure everything is about to fall apart just three months into the most intense relationship I’ve ever had.

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You told me to meet you, but this doesn’t feel right. You don’t feel safe. My heart races as I prepare for something bad to happen. After all, something bad always happens.

Just one week ago, you told me that when you said you loved me, you were lying. It was a drunk mistake. You didn’t mean it. I still haven’t recovered from that, though, and now the other shoe is about to drop.

I want to protect my heart from what you’re about to say, but I don’t know how.

You’d been camping with your friends all weekend, and they all asked where I was. At first, I was flattered that your friends noticed I wasn’t there. But then, I float back down to earth.

When they asked you where I was, you realized that you didn’t miss me. You didn’t even think about me until your friends reminded you that I wasn’t there.

My head starts spinning. The story gets worse. You don’t stop there.

You tell me that you’ve faked your feelings for weeks. You’ve tried to feel the passion that simply isn’t there. You pushed yourself to pretend, thinking that, eventually, you would feel something for me again.

I move further away from you. I need more space, more air. This can’t be happening.

For weeks, you’ve pretended to care? You’ve lied to me about your feelings. But, what you’ve done is worse than that. Not only were you lying, but you also thought that if I opened up to you, the feelings would return.

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I’ve pushed way past my comfort zone to share all my deep, dark secrets with you. I was more vulnerable with you than I have ever been before. Still, it meant nothing in the end. I opened up to you, but my vulnerability only pushed you away.

“I just can’t be with someone who I will always worry about.”

Those words hit home. You knocked the wind out of me. But you kept going. You worried that I’d relapse, that you’d need to take care of me. You feared that you could never tell your family the honest truth about me

That’s when I knew I wanted you out of my life for good. I deserve better than you.

You threw all the trust I’d placed in you back in my face. I thought that I could trust you, but you lied to me when it mattered the most. You saw me as weak, as someone who would fall apart the second things got tough.

Oh, how wrong you were. I am a fighter, and you are not going to be the one to break me.

That Sunday night, you reminded me that I deserve better. So, I turned around and never looked back.

I walked away from you without any regrets, because I knew that one day I would find someone better than you. Even then, I knew with full certainty that I would meet someone who would see the strength in me, not the weakness.

For the first time in months, I could see that without a doubt I was better off without you.

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Gabriela Mischel has been featured in Unwritten, YourTango, Times of Israel, and others. She covers friendship, relationships, and self-esteem topics. Follow her on Instagram for more.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.