How To Know If You're In A Loveless Marriage

Has the feeling gone?

unhappy woman with her arm around her husband fizkes / Shutterstock

It's hard to imagine a happy marriage without both love and sex involved.

If you look at just about any romantic comedy out there, there's going to be a certain level of sexual tension involved. There's that beautiful spark that seems to ignite between both characters in these kinds of movies, and it allows you as the viewer to believe everything will be alright.

Of course, rom-coms don't really get the full grip of reality, but there is something there in this regard.


Though it's exceedingly rare, there are marriages out there that are totally happy, but sexless. Unfortunately, the majority of sexless marriages either are, or will soon become, loveless ones.

People in these kinds of marriages don't always realize this is the case until they're about to leave or cheat — or until they've been left or cheated on.

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Sexless marriages and loveless marriages have similar features, but there are several crucial differences to consider in determining which category yours falls into.

Nine signs you're in a loveless marriage

1. One partner is unhappy with a lack of sex, and the other doesn't seem to care.

If one half of the couple isn't happy with the lack of bedroom activities and they keep bringing it up, only to be stonewalled by their partner, it may be a loveless marriage.

If their partner still loved them, they would be more like to want to work things out and try to establish a reasonable sex life.

On the other hand, if both partners are completely happy with the arrangement, it may simply be a sexless marriage between two people who love each other but have mellowed sex drives.


2. No affection is being shown in other ways.

In a sexless marriage, there may still be physical closeness in the form of cuddling, hugs, hand holding, and the like gifts — and these expressions of affection will go both ways.

If it's a one-sided battle to get your partner to show you affection, you may be in a loveless marriage.

3. At least one partner is constantly lashing out at the other.

Are they doing passive-aggressive things to avoid sleeping with you? Do they actively try to upset you? Do they blame you for every little thing that goes wrong?

If so, it's most likely a marriage that has grown loveless and not just sexless.

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4. One partner uses sex as a bribe.

In any healthy relationship, sex will not be used as either a weapon or a bribe.

If you find yourself in a relationship where one partner is only willing to have sex when they can use it to dangle over your head like a carrot, it's likely a loveless relationship.

5. One or both of you is much happier when the other isn't around.

If it gets to the point where one or both you finds yourselves in a worse mood every time you are together and in a much better mood when you are alone, it may be because the love has gone out of your marriage.

6. You no longer confide in each other.

In a loving marriage, spouses are also best friends who tell each other (pretty much) everything. If you one or both of you no longer confides in the other, whether it's due to a lack of trust or a lack of interest, there's a good chance you're in a loveless marriage.




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7. At least one partner wishes the two of you had never gotten married.

If given the option to go back in time and avoid ever marrying your partner, would you take it?

If the answer is that you would marry them all over again, then you're probably still in love. If the answer for either or both of you is that if you could undo the marriage you would, you're probably in a loveless marriage.


8. At least one partner refuses to even communicate about problems in the relationship.

A healthy relationship is one where you feel comfortable talking about almost anything with your partner.

If your partner refuses to talk about the lack of sex in the bedroom, constantly blames you or deflects things on you, and/or wont discuss any of the problems in your relationship, it may be that they no longer love you.

9. One partner often contemplates or threatens divorce.

Have you been considering leaving them, or do one or both of you throw the "d" word out during fights or times of stress?


Simply put, if that's the case, the chances of your relationship being just sexless rather than loveless are very slim.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a renegade writer who focuses on dating, relationships, love, and all sorts of lifestyle stuff. She writes about things she's experienced, things she finds interesting, and things that matter.