Is Your Partner Abusive? 2 Warning Signs You Should Never Overlook

Never ignore these two signs.

Abusive partner | Shutterstock, Nomadsoul1, IlyaBIM | Canva

When you feel truly in love with your partner, it's not uncommon to appear blind to their actions. When those hurtful actions are directed at you, it may seem like you are the one at fault for your partner's anger and hateful treatment. Many victims of abuse carry the weight of their abuser. They feel as if they have done something wrong to upset their partner and find ways of avoiding making him or her angry. While the intentions behind this are loving, their efforts go unnoticed, as the abuse only worsens the longer the dangerous, abusive relationship continues. 


RELATED:7 Signs You're Being Quietly Abused (And Don't Even Know It)

According to WomenSafe, "The batterer degrades her into believing that she is incompetent and incapable of managing the simplest tasks of daily life or personal interactions. When she expresses dissatisfaction or unhappiness, he convinces her that she is to blame. He makes her believe that if she would only change, if she would only do as he says, their life together would be as perfect and as happy as they know it can be." Host and author Charles J. Orlando, counselor, therapist, and author Dr. John Gray, former marriage and couples counselor Rhoberta Shaler, life coach Shannon Rios Paulsen, and counselor and therapist Jennifer Maddox say that this is never the victim's fault. If you are still unsure if you are stuck in an abusive relationship, here are two of the warning signs. 


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Here are 2 ways to find out if your partner is abusive:

1. This isn't physical harm, but what other harm was caused

There are many forms of abuse, such as emotional, financial, and intimate, other than the physical bruises and scars. Pinpoint what harm has been done even though these are more difficult to realize and easily overlooked. Jennifer Maddox makes a disheartening point that, "Somebody will stay with somebody, and they will withstand, take that abuse until they go, 'Well, at least, he hasn't hit me, you know? At least, he's not hurting me in some way.' They're just disregarding these important signs of abuse that happen before we start going down the road of a real, physically violent situation."

RELATED: I Believed You: Why Abusive Partners Don't Always Look Dangerous


2. Has someone recognized the abuse toward you

You may not realize the abuse, but the people who are close to you can look from the outside in on your relationship. If someone else notices this before you do, take their perspective into account to reflect on the actions of your partner

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

RELATED: How Witnessing Domestic Violence Taught Me How Truly Common It Is


Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, provided urgent and ongoing care for relationships in crisis for more than 30 years. She was also the host of the Save Your Sanity Podcast. Jennifer Maddox is a Licensed Psychotherapist, a Reiki Master, a certified Conscious Connected Breathwork Facilitator, and an author. Shannon Rios Paulsen, MS LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has specialized in families of divorce and conflict since 2003. Dr. John Gray is a leading relationship expert whose books, including Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus have sold over 50 million copies in 50 languages in 150 countries. He helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships.