13 Harsh Signs He's Not Into You Anymore

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couple pulling hands apart

There’s a certain point in every dead-end relationship that I call “the Stillness.” The Stillness is a feeling that tends to permeate a dead-end relationship, much like the calm before the storm. It’s that moment when you get the feeling that one person wants out of the relationship, but for one reason or another, has yet to actually say it.

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I’ve learned to cut things short the minute that I sense the Stillness coming on, whether it’s friends or lovers.

The truth is that there are often signs that run alongside Stillness that tell people that their partner is not in the relationship anymore.

If you’re wondering what’s up with your boo, make sure you keep an eye out for these dangerous signs he's not into you anymore.

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Here are 13 harsh signs he's not into you anymore:

1. The plans he made to marry you or do something major just got delayed or brushed off entirely

Did he go from gushing about marriage to talking about how he “just might not be a marriage guy after all”? This is his not-so-subtle way of saying that he’s no longer interested in keeping up the relationship with you and that you might need to start looking elsewhere.

2. He stops being appreciative of things you do

Gratitude, I’ve found, is often the glue that keeps people together. If your partner no longer shows gratitude, they’re taking you for granted, and that’s never a good sign. At best, you’re going to end up in a resent-filled relationship. At worst, he’s checked out and is actively looking for someone else.

3. His enthusiasm for anything to do with you fizzled

He used to be totally into going to movies and carnivals with you, but no longer. If you feel like you have to constantly talk up anything with him, it’s a sign he’s checked out.

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4. You noticed that he stopped doing things to try to please you

A man who is romantically interested in you will go through hell to make you happy. If he no longer does the little things he knows to make you smile, it’s one of the big signs he's not into you anymore.

5. He suddenly became really hard to reach

Does it seem like it takes more and more effort to get in touch with him? When guys lose interest, they tend to disappear pretty quickly. If you’re in a relationship with them, then they often will start distancing themselves and acting “busy” as a way to say they’re not interested in keeping things up.

6. You find yourself questioning your status with him, and getting more insecure around him

Sometimes, what tips people off isn’t necessarily a gesture on his part, but rather a general vibe you’re getting. If you find yourself questioning whether he wants to still be with you, it may be time for a serious discussion.

7. He’s no longer inviting you places or bringing you around friends

This behavior often signifies that he’s trying to “fade you out” of his life. That way, people won’t make too many comments about you not being around post-breakup. Usually, guys will “hide” you a couple of months before a breakup.

8. All the emotional labor in a relationship is now yours to deal with

This is a big sign he’s no longer romantically interested in your relationship and often also skews the relationship dynamics into an unhealthy mess. If you feel like the relationship would dissolve without your efforts, chances are that it’s been over for a while.

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9. He makes a point of talking about how he’s going to be “going away”

A lot of guys will try to subtly-not-subtly break the news that the relationship has an expiration date by talking about plans in the future that don’t include you. If you hear him talking about how he’s gonna move to France and find himself, he’s no longer got a vested interest in you.

10. You feel like you have to convince him to be around you

A good rule of thumb to follow is that you should never spend time with people who you literally have to “sell” yourself to. These people aren’t legitimately interested in you. If they were, they wouldn’t make you jump through hoops just to be around them.

11. He’s amping up the thirst for Instagram models or other social media people

Don’t ask me why, but this is often a sign that he’s lost interest in the relationship. Sometimes, it’s because they think they can do better. Other times, it’s their way of prepping themselves to go back into the dating scene. Either way, if he’s getting too thirsty online, it may be time to face the music.

12. Sex ground to a halt

Men generally do not have to be convinced to have sex. If you have to beg for sex, it’s a sign he doesn’t really want to be with you romantically.

13. He acts like he’d rather be elsewhere, or like being with you is a chore

His actions speak louder than words. If he acts like he doesn’t care anymore, it’s often because that’s the truth. 

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.