5 Easy-To-Ignore Behaviors That Mean Someone Is About To Break Your Heart
Love can make these behaviors hard to spot.
Pegah Sharifi | Pexels No one wants to think about heartbreak when they're madly in love, but sometimes those rose colored glasses can make it hard to see the behaviors that mean someone is about to break your heart. While there are blatant red flags that are hard to ignore, like someone having anger issues or a fear of commitment, the less obvious ones can be just as damaging.
It can be hard to spot someone who might have the capability of breaking your heart if they're presenting themselves as a charming and attentive person at first. However, the closer you look, you'll be able to notice that their actions may not always align with their words. While you may feel physically safe in their company, it's your heart that you have to make sure feels just as safe, and sometimes the subtle signs can be hard to accept.
1. Inconsistent intentions
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If someone is giving you affection all at once and then immediately taking it away, they are definitely not the person for you. You shouldn't have to beg for someone's time if they really like you, and it shouldn't be a back-and-forth game where one day they want to talk to you all of the time, and then for the next three days you don't hear from them.
If someone wants to date or be with you with serious intentions, they'll make sure their actions show that. Certified couple and family psychologist Greg Matos encouraged daters to directly ask the person they're with what they think and feel about the relationship, especially if their behavior is inconsistent or wishy-washy. He wrote, "Whether signaling commitment indirectly or directly in dating, any clear communication of your intentions and desire to deepen the relationship will set you apart from the unclear, uncertain, and noncommittal crowd."
2. Boundary testing
Having boundaries with the person you're dating is always important, but mostly because it's good to see how they'll react to hearing about what you will and won't tolerate. If they're someone who constantly pushes against your boundaries and doesn't respect them, it means they probably won't offer that same respect in a long-term, committed relationship.
Someone who genuinely cares for you will never want to disregard your boundaries or make you feel emotionally unsafe. They'll respect you and your needs at all times.
3. Low accountability
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If you're with someone and their actions or behavior hurt you, they should immediately want to take accountability and apologize. They won't want to be the cause of your pain without trying to rectify the situation. If you have a relationship with someone who refuses to take responsibility for hurting you, it means they couldn't care less about protecting your heart.
If they deflect, make jokes, or even admonish you for being hurt by their actions, it's an immediate red flag. Rather than directly communicating with you, they'd rather avoid the discomfort altogether, which isn't a healthy trait for a partner to have.
"Healthy partners lower their shields and resist impulses to fight or flee. Partners need to call a truce and soothe each other after things have gotten tense. Even if an initial confrontation resulted in claws extending, these can be retracted, and partners can calm back down and shake hands," explained licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting.
4. Their actions and words don't match
If your partner is someone who says one thing and does the complete opposite, it means they're not showing up for you in the ways that matter. The point of being in a healthy relationship is building a sense of trust and emotional safety with the person you're with. Words are always easy to say, but it's the consistent action that follows that shows the real effort.
Someone who truly values you and wants to be with you will always follow through, no matter what. And if they can't, they'll be honest and communicate with you to come to a possible solution. But if they just disappear when you need support or even fail to show up in any meaningful ways, that's not real love.
5. You feel relief when they're kind
You shouldn't walk on eggshells in your relationship, hoping your partner will offer kindness instead of indifference. Real connection means your nervous system shouldn't be on edge whenever they walk into a room. You shouldn't be waiting for the other shoe to drop or feeling as if you need to work extra hard for their affection.
Their kindness shouldn't be conditional, and neither should their love. When someone genuinely cares for you, their kindness and affection are consistent, and they show up every single day for you. If you find yourself holding your breath the minute you're around them for fear of how they'll react or how quickly their mood might change, then you might need to start questioning if this is a relationship that you want to be in, and if this person is worth staying for.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
