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It's common to have issues in any new relationships, but these may be a big deal down the road.
By Brit Brogaard — Last updated on Mar 27, 2023
Most people who have been in a long-term committed relationship know, or eventually come to realize, that relationships are hard work. Both parties need to put in energy and effort. Otherwise, the relationship will eventually fail.
We all would prefer to avoid relationship failure, which raises the question: If you are in a new relationship, is there a way to predict whether your new sweetheart is willing to put in the energy and effort it takes for the relationship to work out?
The answer, of course, is no. Relationships are unpredictable. But here are some signs that your new partner may not have what it takes to maintain a long-term relationship and avoid making relationship mistakes:
5 Early Relationship Problems To Watch Out For
1. Using a potential breakup as a threat.
Whenever the two of you have even a minimal argument, your partner is breaking up with you. They may or may not mean it at the time, and they may apologize the next day, but the very thought that they might think or feel that breaking up on the spot is the best way to handle relationship problems maturely is truly concerning.
2. An inability to express their feelings calmly.
While you may have plenty of fun together and may be experts in the art of small talk, your partner hardly ever communicates in a calm and relaxed manner about what they want from the relationship, what is fantastic about it, what they would like to change or where the relationship is going.
3. Still behaving as though you are single.
Your new partner is not truly recognizing or acting like they are in a relationship. Being formerly single, they act like they are still single. They make their own decisions about what they want to do and hardly ever ask you what you want.
4. A lack of growth.
Your relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Even if you don't plan to move in together or get married, every relationship should grow.
If you feel stuck in the same situations, talking about the same topics year after year, then there is probably no growth in your relationship. Without growth, your relationship will eventually become nothing more than a friendship with (or maybe even without) benefits.
5. A lack of sex.
Your partner makes virtually no attempts to have sex with you ever, despite the newness or revival of the relationship. Suppose your partner isn't interested in having sex with you regularly, especially at the beginning of the relationship. In that case, it is a sign that they are not truly interested in a committed long-term relationship.
If you recognize these early relationship problems, the best thing to do is have a serious conversation with your partner as soon as possible.
If that is not possible, call it quits. While some people do change, most don't. Old habits die hard. If things are difficult now, the likelihood is that they will only get worse, especially if you cannot have a serious conversation about what you want from each other and the relationship.
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Berit "Brit" Brogaard is a professor at Miami University and the director of Brogaard Lab Multisensory Research. She is the co-author of The Superhuman Mind and the author of On Romantic Love.
This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.