Your Parents Did An Incredible Job Raising You If You Feel Guilty Doing These 11 Things
You shouldn't feel guilty about putting yourself first, but if you were raised right, sometimes you might.
Lesia Kapinosova / Shutterstock Feeling guilty over everyday decisions is a common experience for many of us, and much of the time, those feelings come from the values and lessons that we learned from our parents as children. When your upbringing was filled with kindness, responsibility, and empathy, you might find yourself wrestling with guilt over things that seem minor to others when you're an adult.
The truth is, if you feel guilty for making others feel bad, then your parents did an incredible job raising you, even if you don't believe it. They taught you how to be thoughtful and aware of how your actions affect others. This kind of guilt demonstrates to others that you possess high emotional intelligence and a strong moral foundation, which can only be developed if you were raised by intentional parents.
Your parents did an incredible job raising you if you feel guilty doing these 11 things
1. Saying no to others
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Feeling guilty for saying no to others can show how deeply you care about people and want to maintain peace in the relationship. Guilt stems from childhood conditioning, like being raised to be overly giving or conflict-avoidant. It means you were likely taught to be kind, considerate, and empathetic, qualities that are truly valuable in life.
However, the downside is that feeling guilty every time you set a boundary reveals your strong desire to please people and avoid conflict. These lessons, which teach you to put others first, often interfere with your own needs. Remember that saying no is about setting a boundary with someone, and you should never feel guilty about doing so.
2. Taking time for yourself
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Feeling guilty over self-care is proof that you're still learning how to balance your own needs with the needs of those around you. Around 39% of Americans feel guilty for taking time out for themselves, with 21% of them not engaging in self-care due to this guilt. It's important to remember that taking time for yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary.
Your parents likely wanted you to grow up with the understanding that rest and personal space are vital to your well-being. So, when you find yourself feeling guilty, remember what your parents taught you and embrace the idea that taking care of yourself helps you be the best version of yourself.
3. Spending money on yourself
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We all struggle with putting ourselves first when it comes to buying ourselves a treat now and then. People who purchased gifts for themselves for a celebration or therapy sometimes experience post-purchase regret. That responsible attitude comes from a nurturing environment where you witnessed your parents caring for others as well as you.
Your parents may have passed down responsibility, but they'd likely also want you to enjoy life and feel worthy of good things. While having this value is admirable, it can sometimes make it hard for us to believe that we deserve to enjoy the fruits of our own labor. Learn to balance your generosity with others and with yourself.
4. Setting boundaries
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Setting boundaries leads to lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders. Feeling guilty about setting boundaries is simply due to the fact that you don't want to hurt other people's feelings. However, it's important to remember that setting boundaries with people shouldn't hurt their feelings if they really care about you.
Boundaries are bridges to help continue a relationship rather than end it. Learning to set them is a necessary part of emotional maturity. Your parents gave you a strong moral compass. Now, it's up to you to use them in a way that includes yourself as well.
5. Not being productive
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For many people, feeling guilty for not being productive enough is a common phenomenon. It comes from being raised in a household where hard work was valued or idealized. Your parents likely instilled in you a sense of responsibility and discipline. They taught you that time should be used wisely and that rest could be mistaken for laziness. While those lessons built a strong work ethic, they may have also made it hard for you to rest without feeling like you were falling behind.
The guilt you are feeling shows that you have high personal standards, even if you can be hard on yourself sometimes. It's only because you were raised to care about your time and growth. Guilt doesn't need to guide your actions, but awareness and balance can.
6. Succeeding when others struggle
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If you have ever felt guilty for succeeding while others around you are struggling, it's likely because you were raised to care. Parents who modeled compassion and humility raised their children to carry those values well into adulthood. That feeling of discomfort in success is a sign that you’re attuned to the unfairness that exists in the world.
This kind of unique guilt will have you believing that you don't deserve your accomplishments, but you do. Internally, you think that everyone should have the same chances and opportunities as you, or else it isn't fair. Feeling guilty for thriving while others are hurting is not something to suppress, but instead, learn how to understand it.
7. Being angry or frustrated
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There comes a time when people feel guilty for feeling angry or frustrated with a situation. The guilt that people feel stems from the need to be mindful of others' feelings. This tends to come from more gentle and positive parenting. Parents who raise their children in a more positive manner may cause them to experience higher levels of guilt but less aggression.
However, guilt around normal emotions like anger can sometimes suggest that you were taught to prioritize your peace over self-expression. This can make it challenging for you to express your feelings to others. You may even find yourself suppressing anger rather than processing it, which can be emotionally exhausting over time.
8. Eating the last piece of food
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Nobody likes someone who eats the last piece of pizza, but if you feel guilty about it, then others will understand and be more forgiving. Your mind begins to race, and overthinking takes over. You start to wonder if someone else wanted it more or whether taking it would seem selfish.
These small internal struggles are proof that your parents raised you to be emotionally intelligent and kind. It's okay to take the last piece sometimes. Part of growing up is learning to share with others as long as it's reciprocated. If you've always been mindful of those around you, then, once in a while, allowing yourself to enjoy something without guilt is also healthy.
9. Saying something that might hurt someone
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Gentle parenting techniques have been associated with increased emotional regulation, reduced behavioral issues, and a stronger parent-child bond. Your parents taught you a valuable lesson early on: to think before you speak, especially when your words might hurt someone. You learned that honesty is also important, but juggling between honesty and empathy is not easy.
It's likely that while your parents emphasized restraint, they may not have given you the tools to navigate situations where truth and tact collide. You may find yourself second-guessing what to say to someone and afraid of causing harm, even when you're trying to be sincere. Just remember, being honest and being kind aren't mutually exclusive. Both are values from your upbringing that you should carry forward.
10. Prioritizing your dreams over family expectations
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If you feel guilty for prioritizing your dreams over your family's own expectations, then you have a deep understanding of empathy and connection to others. Choosing to follow your own path is not a betrayal of your family. They know this, or they wouldn't have instilled these values into you. Parents often have higher aspirations than their children expect for themselves.
As you mature, part of becoming your own person is making decisions that reflect who you are, not just who others want you to be. Ironically, the very values that make you feel guilty are the same ones that your parents raised you with and empower you to take bold new steps. In many cases, once the discomfort fades, your parents may admire your courage, even if your path looks different than what they imagined.
11. Asking for help
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Your parents may have raised you with a strong sense of independence and responsibility, but everyone needs help sometimes. Feeling guilty after asking for help is an extremely common thing for people to feel. Asking for help requires being vulnerable, and if you feel guilty doing it, then maybe your parents did a little too good of a job teaching you how to carry your own weight.
Sometimes this can be unhealthy, as people need connection, and the easiest way to gain that is through acts of service. To avoid this guilt, try talking to the people who raised you. Your parents will not shame you for asking for their help because they know you the best.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
