You Can’t Be A Father If You Don’t Possess These 13 Traits

To be a father means to live for others, not for yourself.

father and baby HarryKiiM Stock/ Shutterstock

From my youth, my dreams and aspirations were centered around creating a family and being a beacon of guidance for the children I would someday have.

I made choices as if I was already a dad, and this mindset turned into reality when I became a father at 25, and then again at 27.

However, due to health constraints, we won’t be able to have a third child biologically, despite our desire.

So, we’ve decided to adopt, opening our hearts to whatever the future may bring.


This decision has led me to ponder the importance of considering adoption, even when one can have biological children. After all, we are simply channels through which the magnificence of the universe is revealed.

My perspective on parenthood has evolved to see it as "The Way" to give back for the gift of life and existence I’ve been granted.


I have reached a perspective where I no longer perceive my children as "my children," but rather as "a child" that is not my possession, devoid of the illusion created by the word "my."

I trust that you can grasp the profound meaning behind this statement. I am tasked with ensuring that the universe (call it as you feel) —  through me and subsequently through them — continues to experience what we, in our human consciousness state, call life.

This responsibility extends beyond my biological children (within the boundaries of my means, primarily financial).

It’s a responsibility I willingly embrace, knowing that through it, I am part of the universe’s grand design, contributing to the cycle of life and existence.


So, the following thirteen characteristics are not just essential for being a father, but they also shape the relationship with the mother and the overall family dynamics:

RELATED: 4 Critical Differences Between Being A Father And A Dad

Here are 13 traits you need to possess to be a father:

1. Empathy/Sensitivity

Empathy and sensitivity are not only essential for understanding and responding to a child’s feelings, but also for maintaining a healthy relationship with the mother.

A father needs to be attuned to the mother’s emotions, needs and concerns.

This involves active listening, expressing understanding, and offering support. It’s about validating feelings, even if they differ from his own.


This emotional connection fosters a supportive and loving environment for the child.

2. Patience

Patience is crucial in dealing with children’s learning curves and also in navigating the relationship with the mother.

A patient father understands that everyone has their own pace and way of doing things.

He respects the mother’s parenting style and communicates any differences in a calm and respectful manner. He knows that pressure and criticism can strain the relationship and affect the child, so he strives for patience and understanding.

3. Attention to detail

Attention to detail is about noticing the small things in a child’s world and in the relationship with the mother. It’s about recognizing changes in mood, needs or challenges.


This attentiveness allows a father to provide appropriate support to both the child and the mother. It also shows that he values and cares about their experiences.

4. Playfulness

A father knows the importance of play and fun in a child’s life and in the family dynamic. He engages in play with the child and encourages the mother to join.

This shared enjoyment strengthens the family bond and creates a positive and fun environment for the child.

5. Responsibility 

A father anticipates risks and adapts to protect his child and support the mother.

He takes on his share of responsibilities in the home and in raising the child. He communicates and collaborates with the mother to ensure a safe and nurturing environment for the child.


His adaptability allows him to respond to changing circumstances in the child’s life and in the relationship with the mother.

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6. Independence

Independence in a father is about being self-sufficient and contributing to household tasks.

He doesn’t rely solely on the mother for cooking, cleaning, and maintaining order. He shares these responsibilities, easing the burden on the mother and setting a good example for the child.

This balance in roles also promotes a sense of teamwork and mutual respect between the parents.

7. Calmness 

A calm demeanor is essential in a father.

Children can be unpredictable and parenting can be stressful. A father who remains calm in challenging situations provides a sense of stability for both the child and the mother.


He thinks before he acts, making thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive reactions. This thoughtful approach contributes to a peaceful home environment and models good emotional regulation for the child.

8. Understanding of suffering

Understanding suffering allows a father to empathize with his child and partner during difficult times.

He can provide comfort and guidance, drawing from his own experiences.

This understanding also fosters resilience, as he can help his child and partner navigate through hardships, teaching them that it’s okay to feel pain and that they can overcome challenges.

9. Ability to sacrifice

Fatherhood often involves sacrifice, such as giving up personal time or making career adjustments for the sake of the family.


Recognizing this, a father willingly makes sacrifices for the well-being of his child and the harmony of the family. He supports the mother in her sacrifices as well, acknowledging and appreciating her efforts.

10. Gentleness and tolerance 

A father earns respect not through authority, but through gentleness and tolerance.

He treats his child and partner with kindness, fostering a relationship based on mutual respect rather than fear.

He is tolerant of mistakes and differences, teaching his child the value of acceptance and understanding.

11. Understanding of others’ boundaries

A father understands the importance of personal boundaries.

He respects his child’s need for personal space and independence, and he respects the mother’s boundaries as well.


He communicates openly about these boundaries and ensures they are respected, fostering a sense of safety and respect within the family.

RELATED: 10 Simple Statements That Will Make You A Much Better Parent

12. Respect for the balance between duty and pleasure

A father understands that life is not just about responsibilities; it’s also about enjoyment.

He balances his duties as a father and partner with the need for relaxation and fun. He encourages his child and partner to do the same, promoting a balanced lifestyle that values both work and play.


This balance contributes to a happy and fulfilling family life.

13. Faithfulness

A father filled with faith appreciates the magic of existence, bringing a sense of wonder to his family. This faith, not necessarily religious, is a belief in life’s goodness, his child’s potential, and the strength of his relationship with the mother.

He finds beauty in everyday moments, teaching his child to value life’s simple joys.

This faith provides resilience in tough times, fostering a belief in the family’s ability to overcome challenges.

He cherishes life as a precious gift, viewing fatherhood as a privilege to guide his child’s journey. He respects and supports the mother’s role in this journey.


Essentially, a faith-filled father appreciates the magic of existence, sharing this profound perspective with his family.

I encourage you to pause and contemplate the journey of life and parenthood.

Consider the profound responsibility and joy of nurturing a new life. Reflect on your purpose — the legacy you wish to leave and the values you want to instill.

Think about the fleeting nature of existence, cherishing each moment and each stage of life.

Parenthood offers a unique opportunity to shape the future and leave a lasting impact.

So, take a moment to appreciate and embrace this extraordinary journey of life, parenthood, and the profound meaning of your existence.


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Andrei Marian Sava is a writer who specializes in philosophy, psychology, spirituality, mindfulness, and personal development.