Woman Feels Her Stepdaughter Is Isolating Her Because She's Not Her Baby's 'Real' Grandma
She is confused as to why the family is refusing to include her in this joyous moment.
fizkes / Shutterstock A grandmother admitted to feeling unwanted after her stepdaughter gave birth to her first baby.
In a submission to the "Dear Abby" advice column in the New York Post, the unnamed woman revealed that she recently became a grandmother after her stepdaughter welcomed a child, but doesn't feel like she's being included.
The woman thinks her stepdaughter is isolating her because she's not the baby's 'real' grandma.
In the woman's anonymous submission, she explained that her stepdaughter, Zoe, recently welcomed her first baby. Unfortunately, she and Zoe live a good distance away from each other, so she wasn't able to be there at the birth.
"My husband, Karl, is taking the trip, but I have to stay because my elderly mother is living with us," the woman admitted. "I asked family to stay with Mom, but they’re involved in their busy lives, and Mom clings to me."
Since she couldn't be there in person, the woman called up other members of the family to congratulate them on becoming new aunts, uncles, etc. but was shocked and hurt when none of them congratulated her on becoming a grandmother.
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock
Instead, an unnamed family member claimed that the woman was not the baby's grandmother since she wasn't Zoe's biological mother and would never be. Hearing this saddened the woman, and she clarified that she intended to never replace anyone, especially Zoe's biological mother, who passed away.
"I’ve been hoping for a grandchild for a long time. I have been with Karl for more than 20 years. I’m crushed," she continued. The woman also claimed that Zoe had not sent any photos of the baby to her. To make matters worse, the woman recalled planning Zoe's wedding and being there for her during her special day, which made this entire incident hurt even more as she believed that had been "growing closer."
"How do I navigate this?" she questioned. "My mother-in-law is barely speaking to me since I can’t join in the trip to see the baby and has become very snotty. Must I just admire from afar like a bystander, pretending to care?"
The advice columnist reassured the woman that it shouldn't matter that she's not biologically related to her grandchild.
The "Dear Abby" columnist also questioned if she was receiving this treatment from her mother-in-law in particular.
"I wish you had mentioned which family member was telling the others you’re not to be considered that baby’s grandmother," the advice columnist, Abby, lamented, claiming that if it was the case of the mother-in-law being spiteful, then there was likely some jealousy at play.
Photo: FamVeld / Shutterstock
Abby also insisted that as the child's stepgrandmother, she should be given photos and included in this joyous occasion, regardless of blood relation.
"I hope Karl will impress this upon his daughter as well as let her know how hurt you have been by the treatment you have been receiving," she wrote. "What happened was unjustified. The more love in this world, the better, and labels should be used to include rather than isolate."
It shouldn't matter that this woman is not biologically related to her stepdaughter or the baby. Blended families are just as important as blood relatives, and you can find just the same amount of love in the people that you choose to call family. This woman doesn't deserve to be alienated during a moment when she should be surrounded by family and experiencing joy at a new baby being welcomed into the bunch.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.