Adult Woman Says It's Unbearable Living With Her 'Resentful' Mom To Save Money Despite Them Not Liking Each Other
What are we owed and what do we owe each other?
Karolina Grabowska / Pexels Ashley Houghton is a millennial working multiple jobs, whose lived experience encapsulates the extreme economic instability that any generation below Boomers and Gen X are currently experiencing.
Houghton said it’s unbearable to live with her ‘resentful’ mom in order to save money because they don’t like each other.
Houghton’s economic reality has led her to living with her mother, as she works to pay off credit card debt.
She went on TikTok to explain the emotional toll this life decision has taken, saying, “Living in a house with a mother who I know doesn’t like me, and I know that for so many reasons, is so unbearable... I’m doing it so I can save money and pay off my credit card and just get my life together,” she said.
“We literally don’t speak but we live in the same house, so it’s so uncomfortable when we’re here in the same space,” she continued.
She noted that her mom’s been away for a week, and the solo time has reset her nervous system and reminded her how nice it is to be on her own.
“I think that within this generation we’ve been so normalized to live with other people and live with roommates and be able to afford things simply because we’re in proximity with other people,” she said.
She shared just how uncomfortable she felt in her current situation, saying, “I feel like I can’t even be my true, normal self because I’m around someone who I know dislikes me and doesn’t want me to be around but she feels obligated to help me because I’m her child.”
Photo: Shvets Production / Pexels
“There are so many women, I think, and just parents, in general, who had children that they didn’t necessarily want. And now, because of the economic status of society, and just the way that things have played out, the point in history that we are [in], they’re really resentful over the fact that they actually have to provide, because they have resources that we don’t have access to, that when they were our age, they had way more access in general… than we do as millennials.”
Houghton took on the critique that grown kids shouldn’t live with their parents, noting the stark differences in the boomer economic reality versus the rest of society.
“The idea that adult children shouldn’t be living with their boomer or Gen X parents is so wildly out of touch considering the state of the world,” she exclaimed. “Is anyone living in the same economy as us? The answer is no, they’re not.”
“Gen X and boomers are not living in the same reality as us. Boomers, at least in my circle, all have multiple homes or are living in single-family homes in the suburbs with multiple bedrooms. So, the idea [of] go out, get a job, pay your own bills… One, jobs aren’t paying enough. Two, people are living in credit card debt. Three, y’all have extra rooms.”
She raised a valuable question: Should parents with resources be expected to support their children, even into adulthood?
“The bar is so low when it comes to familial or parental support,” she said. “I think this conversation around people being entitled, or adult children being entitled when they’re asking their parents to support them, it’s interesting because not all support is financial support.”
She explained how access to resources is a crucial part of building wealth, yet not all people have equal access to those resources.
Photo: Andres Ayrton / Pexels
“Support is opening doors to spaces that maybe you didn’t have access to because your parents have been existing longer on this planet than you have,” she explained. “They’ve had more time to invest their money, more time for their money to grow, they’ve had more time to learn things that their younger children don’t know.”
“To not share that information is restricting resources,” she said. “Information is a facet of generational wealth.”
Houghton critiqued the very idea of moving out at 18 as not necessarily possible, given the state of the world today.
“Within the system, the concept of, just move out and get on with your life, doesn’t necessarily make sense, because you’re just feeding the system… If I go out right now and I rent, I’m going to be stuck being a renter, and I will probably pay the same amount of money as somebody who got a mortgage 20 years ago at an interest rate of like, 3 percent.”
She questioned how it made any sense financially for her to spend her money in that particular way.
“We’re choosing to live at home under really uncomfortable circumstances so that we don’t end up just pouring water into a bucket that has holes in it,” she said.
In another post, she touched on the “individualistic mindset” that US society maintains about money, saying, “It really just taps into the individualistic mindset of like, ‘It’s your problem, it’s your responsibility, you figure it out.”
“In actuality, there’s so many different pillars that make it almost impossible for someone to be able to take personal responsibility… Circumstances are so far beyond our control in most cases. This feels even more apparent now, in the current state of the world, considering the cost of living. Rent prices are astronomical, credit card interest rates are astronomical, mortgage interests are astronomical.”
“If everyone was provided [with] available and resourceful financial literacy information, then the argument of ‘Just learn how to manage your money’ might be a little more effective.”
Ultimately, Houghton's argument is more about community care and less about parental support.
Her mindset exemplifies just how different our world would be if our society and economy were modeled around community care.
Houghton speaks to the nuanced issues of what we, as a community, are owed, and what we owe each other, especially in light of economic hardship. It doesn't just take a village to raise children, it takes a village to thrive as a fair society.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.