Pregnant Woman Called ‘Insecure’ For Refusing To Name Their Baby After Her Husband’s First Wife Who Passed Away
“I’m not trying to erase anyone. I just want to be seen too.”
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Naming your baby is a personal decision that should be reserved for the mother and father. But what happens when a deceased partner's ghost tries to make their way into the discussion? One woman experienced it firsthand after getting into a disagreement with her husband about what they should name their baby. Backed by his family, he insists that since they are having a girl, she should be named after his wife, who passed away. When this mom-to-be put her foot down, she was attacked for being “insecure.”
A dad-to-be tried to convince his wife to name their baby after his late first wife.
A pregnant woman posted on Reddit asking for advice after undergoing a strange conflict with her husband. “I’m 29 and 35 weeks pregnant with our first child,” she explained. “My husband is 36 and was previously married.”
While some may struggle with the idea of their spouse being previously married, it wasn’t a problem for this woman at all. “I’ve always been respectful of her memory,” she shared. “There are photos of her in our house, and we’ve talked about her openly. I’ve never tried to erase her or act like their history didn’t exist.”
Recently, the couple found out the happy news that they were expecting a girl. “When we found out we were having a girl, we both made lists of names we liked,” she said. “He didn’t say anything at first, but after a few weeks he told me he really wanted to name her after his late wife. He said it would be a way to honor her and keep her memory alive through our daughter.”
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The wife immediately pushed back against this idea. “I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that,” she continued. “I said I wanted our daughter to have her own name, one that reflects both of us and the family we’re building together — not something tied to a relationship I wasn’t part of. He looked disappointed but said he understood.”
Apparently, he didn’t really understand, because he didn’t let the matter drop. “A few days later, he brought it up again,” she said. “This time he had told his mom, and she messaged me saying how beautiful it would be and how I should consider it an act of love. Now his sister is involved too. She said it would mean so much to the whole family if we used the name.”
Even though she’s been firm, her husband is still hurt, and even her mom is wavering in her support.
“He hasn’t pushed again since, but he’s been cold,” she shared. “Quiet. I know he’s hurt. I do love him and I know he still carries that loss with him. But I also feel like I have the right to want my own first child to have her own identity.”
His family, and even her own, are not helping at all. “Now I’m getting messages from his family saying I’m being insecure and jealous of someone who isn’t even here anymore,” she explained. “My own mom says she understands my side but wonders if this is the hill I want to die on.”
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Now, this woman feels completely confused. “I feel like I’m already grieving the peace I thought this time would bring,” she admitted. “And now I don’t know if I’m holding my ground or being unfair.”
Experts say the name you give your baby sets the tone for your family.
Nameberry’s Pamela Redmond insisted that choosing your baby’s name is important and should be considered carefully. “The reason choosing your child’s name is so important is that it’s a key step in defining your new family,” she said. “Your child’s name symbolizes the values and priorities most important in the world you create for your child. It sets the identity you present to the world and to yourself.”
The fact is, this couple is not alone in disagreeing about a baby name. According to a survey by BabyCenter, half of the respondents said they couldn't agree on a name, the difference being that 74% said they would find a way to compromise in the end. Perhaps a compromise for this couple truly is the way forward. A fresh new name for the baby that they both love, and possibly the name of the husband's deceased wife for a middle name?
Clearly, a baby’s name is an important decision for parents to make that reflects back on the family as a whole. It would be a shame to focus on the past instead of using this opportunity as a new beginning. But at the same time, this shouldn't be a reason for this happy time in their lives to be tainted with hurt feelings and disagreements.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
