If You Want To Raise A Strong Daughter, Teach Her These 6 Life Skills That Matter More Than Straight As
Arina Krasnikova | Pexels In this day and age, there are certain life skills and lessons that every little girl needs to learn that matter much more than good grades, and teaching her those skills can also benefit her parents. One study explored the "daughter effect" and found that raising a daughter can lead to improved quality of life as parents get older, too.
Yet, most of the important life skills for girls are not taught in school and need to be learned from parents. Raising a strong daughter usually means teaching your little girl life lessons that matter more than getting straight As and a perfect report card in school.
If you want to raise a strong daughter, teach her these 6 life skills that matter more than straight As:
1. Don't follow the rules when the rules don't make sense
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Follow the rules unless they don't make sense, and you can effect change. Then, be willing to stick your neck out and maybe even risk getting it chopped off. Learn to disappoint people by disagreeing when you're young, and this won't feel so terrifying later. Learn to disagree with others respectfully and discuss differences intelligently (ideally, not on social media). Get comfortable swimming upstream salmon-style. Be done with integrity and grace; it's called leadership.
Research helped explain how girls spend their childhoods learning how to blend in and smile pretty, always running away from the sting of disapproval. But if you want to make a difference in your work, family, and community, you've got to be willing to risk rubbing people the wrong way sometimes.
2. No one is coming to your rescue
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Sorry, Princess Buttercup, but your Westley is not coming for you. Get scrappy. Learn to manage money, parallel park, and change a tire. And plan to do it alone or with a few great friends and AAA.
Your slightly defiant attitude mixed with strong ideals about healthy relationships means you will be picky about whom you spend your life or career with. You may have to wait for the right partner. You may have to walk away from the wrong one. Know what you stand for. Then, be strong enough to do it on your own, and you won't need a hero.
3. Other people will judge you no matter what, so you may as well thrive
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When do we teach kids to make choices based on their core values rather than on how many followers they can get? Adults, not to mention kids, have a hard time pinpointing their core values, much less knowing when they change with time and experience. No one knows your jam better than you. No one knows what job or relationship sucks the lifeblood from you better than you. A life done well is cumulative. Build yours on a strong foundation that feels meaningful.
Research has shown that family, faith, and love are the most common core values. Add layers with risk-taking, deep relationships, and compassionate acts. What you say, what you don't say, how you say it, and whom you align yourself with end up being a whole lot more important than your "likes" or your GPA.
4. Fear is an irrelevant emotion when it comes to making decisions
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Don't worry about stepping out of line with the group — whether in an executive team meeting or a social circle that mistakes conformity for loyalty. This also means taking ownership of your choices and throwing other people's opinions out of the equation.
"Affirm the positive choices your child makes," recommended psychotherapist Lianne Avila. "This is how they learn to navigate the world they live in. You can do this with words or body language. A simple smile will let them know you approve of their choices. Be open to your child's ideas and let them try new things. Children love to think out loud. Make sure to support this. It will help with creativity."
Make sure to applaud kids who make decisions that grown-ups don't applaud. We promote the ideal of fearless individualism as we collectively grow a nation of resume-building middle school kids. If you're old enough to have read this far, you are a whole, creative, and resourceful human being. You know the choice you want to make. A good teacher told me, "If it makes you throw up in your mouth a little, it's probably the right choice."
5. Your gut is smarter than your ego
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All of these bold acts taken by our best selves, aligned with our highest values, will not always get us a gold star. So why do we crave gold stars? I can't think of a kid or ego that doesn't want praise and accolades. But our egos don't make us happy. And every win for our ego can be a crushing defeat for our soul.
I wish I learned more about how to trust my intuition as a kid and had been a little less trusting of adults in my life to guide my path. Our inner self is always smarter than the one performing for the adults, bosses, or lovers in our lives. We need to teach kids to notice who they're dancing for. If it feels wrong in their gut, well, it probably isn't right, even if it comes with a participation trophy.
Parenting coach Samin Razzaghi explained, "Girls are told by our culture that what they know to be the right choice for themselves is illogical or irrational. When girls go out into the dating world, their intuition, though it may not always make sense, is a powerful way to avoid peer pressure so they can pick healthy dating partners and know their limits and boundaries. "
6. Being on your own is better than compromising your standards
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"Becoming your own best friend is extra important because attracting positive female friendships may take some time," life coach Kelly Rudolph pointed out. "You may need to go alone to social functions occasionally until you attract the friends you seek. It will be much more fun and will help build your confidence if, in addition to feeling good about yourself, you feel good being with yourself."
This is true in your career and your life. Pick your companions well. A few true friends or noble colleagues are all you really need (and maybe AAA).
Sharon Demko is a leadership coach, certified strength and conditioning specialist, and professional trainer. She works with clients one-on-one or in teams in organizations to build strong minds, bodies, and spirits.
