Kids Raised By Social Climbing Parents Usually Carry 8 Traits Into Adulthood
cottonbro studio | Pexels Social climbers seek status above all else, usually because they're compensating for insecurity.
They're always one-upping people and trying to seek status to cope with the feelings of inferiority. Not only is this mindset harmful for themselves, but that ruthlessness extends to the people around them. So, the kids of social climbing parents tend to bring toxic and unfortunate traits into adulthood.
Traits kids carry into adulthood when they're raised by social climbing parents
1. They use success to fuel self-worth
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When your self-worth is tied to who you know or the success that everyone else envies, you start to devalue your good traits and personal strengths. You live through the attention and praise of other people, at your own expense.
We all want to feel like we matter, and that kind of experience can exist outside of achievements. But when you grow up with parents who frame their own self-respect as well as their children's through the lens of success, you're set up to fail from the beginning.
2. They try to one-up everyone
In conversations with others and even in their personal relationships, you can spot the child of a social climbing parent by their tendency to seek the spotlight. They compensate for having little attention at home growing up by one-upping everyone. They invalidate those experiences to make themselves feel better.
Their parents taught them to be superior by seeking status. And while it's often anxiety-inducing and isolating, they fall victim to a continuous cycle, and end up pushing everyone away.
3. They're anxious and uncertain
When your self-worth comes from other people, it's a stressful way to live. According to a University of Michigan study, that's why so many people with external sources of self-esteem struggle with their mental health in adulthood. They don't feel secure, so they have to control others and seek approval for immediate relief.
It also means they're likely desperate in social settings when they're not getting attention. They're completely avoidant of the alone time they need to grow, emotionally and mentally. Their well-being lies in the hands of everyone else's perceptions of them, and it's destabilizing.
4. They make everything a competition
Even in situations where a competitive spirit is unnecessary and toxic, people raised by social climbing parents bring jealousy, and control to the table. Their own worth is defined by how they beat out other people, so they stress themselves out and quantify their success by how many people they win against.
But trying to win and be right aren't always the best motivators. Not only is it nearly impossible to be happy for the people in your life who achieve the things you want, but it isolates you from the community found in professional spaces that most workers need to feel secure.
5. They try to impress everyone
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A need to impress others influences social behaviors like one-upping and name-dropping. When someone needs validation to feel good about who they are, it can become the center of their entire existence quickly.
When you grow up in a home where parents always cared more about what others thought than what they felt good in, it becomes natural to put impressing people above honoring yourself. As adults, they may still struggle with that balance.
6. They blend status with affection
When you were only given affection or love from parents when you achieved something, it's hard to grow up and not assume that you have to work the bare minimum. There's a sense of performance in their relationships, where they may adopt anxious attachments or transactional relationship dynamics to prove their worthiness.
Even in a material sense, gifts and status may take precedence over quality time and communication. And it's because that's what these adult children were taught is most valuable.
7. They're perfectionists
When you grow up with transactional, critical parents who are perfectionists and status-seekers, you tend to adopt some of those unsustainable expectations in your own adult life.
Suddenly, you're working toward burnout trying to chase status, believing that your worth comes from what you achieve instead of who you are. Not only is this kind of perfectionism draining, but it harms relationships and self-esteem.
8. They use people
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Even if it's not rooted in particularly insidious intentions, many adults tend to use their social connections to gain status. Their friends have something to offer them, and the people they invest their time into connecting with are part of a social hierarchy they can exploit to feel better about themselves.
Unfortunately, this often means ditching vulnerability and honesty to form superficial relationships. They end up feeling isolated and unhappy, because the social connections that are supposed to bring them joy only create unrealistic expectations and competition.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
