8 Traits Of Grandparents Who Are Deeply Loved By Their Grandchildren
The grandparents kids treasure most share traits that make them feel safe and seen.
Mikhail Nilov | Canva Grandchildren often adore the unconditional love, attention, and gifts a grandparent can provide. However, life coach Susan Allan has also recognized that when stressed-out parents know their children are being guided by an attentive grandparent or two, it takes some of the pressure off.
The trick is for a grandparent to be there for support, love, and encouragement without being a disciplinarian, contradicting parenting styles, or bending rules. A deeply loving grandparent places no conditions on the child or the parent, while also adhering to the conditions the parents require. Think of it as being the ultimate 'yes person' for securing your grandchild's future.
Here are eight traits of grandparents who are deeply loved by their grandchildren:
1. Kindness
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Asking good questions to grandchildren helps model kindness, recommends general manager Thomas Miller. You can tell someone is interested in you by the questions they ask. And remember, "interested" becomes a good precursor to "interesting" by asking questions that suit you and your grandchild.
Yes, sometimes it means small talk, such as, "What's your favorite subject in school?" But all the small talk is going toward getting to know your grandkid. The time and kindness demonstrated to dig in with a young person pays off in creating a bond for life.
2. Generosity
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Giving and receiving are deeply ingrained hallmarks of culture, to the point that researchers studying the brain and behavioral science have investigated the framework of grandparental investment into their grandchildren.
What and how much grandparents invest in their grandchildren is hard to define. A few of the things it includes are material gifts, the gift of experiences, and generosity shown through compassion. Some of the most deeply loved grandparents are the ones who were generous with their hearts and compassion, much more than their wallets.
3. Empathy
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More than 300 young adults aged 18–30 years joined a study to look at the role of empathy in the relationship between grandparents and adult grandchildren’s socialization. The results showed that "perceived grandparental involvement contributed to prosocial tendencies in young adult grandchildren solely through the role of cognitive empathy."
The study suggested that interacting with supportive grandparents can help grandchildren connect to take others’ perspectives and motivate them to exhibit greater empathy and understanding socially.
4. Kinship
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Deeply loved grandparents build lifelong bonds that have an intergenerational effect. These effects resonate outward from the family and can have an impact socially.
"The profound consequences of grandparenting lie not in the relationship to the grandchildren but in the possibilities that grandparenting offers to recalibrate all other kinship relations," explains a study from The Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute.
The study also explained the benefits to "include the relationship with one's children, the relationship with partners, the legacy of one's prior experience of being a parent, and even the memory of the way one was parented when a child."
5. Involvement
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In continuing the theme of intergenerational and social effects of a grandparent, a study in the Journal of Marriage and the Family explored the legacy of grandparenting. One direct effect is that the grandchildren of deeply loved grandparents tend to be good grandparents as well.
"Consistent with the premise that family roles are learned through the culture and the interactions of family life, results show that the degree to which grandparents are involved in playing their role and the type of involvement they have with grandchildren are significantly influenced by having known their grandparents and learned about them through multiple aspects of their intergenerational history."
6. Example-setting
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The emotional bond between a deeply loving grandparent and grandchild offers a chance to model and demonstrate emotional intelligence. Curious researchers embarked on a study of emotional closeness between grandparents and emerging adult grandchildren.
They conducted interviews with 13 grandparents and their emerging adult grandchildren to find four themes: The first was emotional bonding through shared identity, values, and personality. Then there were emotional worries and concerns about illness and death. The third was how adult roles are acquired.
The study "revealed the depth of the grandparent-emerging adult-grandchild relationship, which is a source not only of love, support, and companionship in their daily life, but also of worries about the future." They left no doubt about the complexity of the grandparent/grandchild relationship.
7. Encouragement
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Psychologist Sharon Saline says offering grandchildren unconditional support and encouragement deepens love. Grandparents are in a unique position to show their grandchildren they believe in the child's ability to solve challenges and cope with new situations in spite of doubt and uncertainty.
A grandparent has the distance a parent may not have to listen without reacting and give comfort. Grandchildren remember how their elders have shown up for them over the years, and these memories foster self-confidence and a growth mindset.
8. Making time
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Making the time to spend with grandchildren is one of the greatest habits of a grandparent who is deeply admired by their grandchildren, points out senior editor Aria Gmitter.
Gmitter explains, "I was fortunate to have two grandparents who always made time for me. Making time doesn't mean long phone calls or doing things together, but that there's no need to rush out the door or hurry to grow up.
"My grandpa was retired when I started elementary school, and in the winter, he would come over early in the morning to drive me to school, so I wouldn't have to walk in the snow. The trip was across town, so the entire round trip was about two hours long. He never complained. We listened to talk radio on the drive, and it made me feel safe and secure.
"Time was not an issue. The way grandparents take their time communicates maturity, confidence, and self-reliance, and habit spoke louder to me than any parental scolding. The slow pace that comes with age is perfect for being a grandparent. It sends a signal that life may be busy, but when it comes to human relationships, what matters is being present in the moment."
Deeply loved grandparents make time, save time, and lower stress. So many grandparents have saved their families by providing the extra support their children couldn’t manage amid the stressors of careers and partners.
According to the American Association of Retired Persons, “U.S. census data shows that 7.1 million American grandparents are living with their grandchildren under 18. Some 2.3 million of those grandparents are responsible for their grandchildren. About a third of grandchildren living with grandparents who are responsible for them are younger than 6.”
Coach Allan recalls, "My maternal grandmother and grandfather were my favorite people, and had they had lifespans like Methuselah, they would still be my favorite people in the world because they encompassed all these remarkable qualities.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
