Stay-At-Home Mom Demands Husband Provide Financially & Split All Housework Because ‘Real Men Don’t Treat Their Wives Like Maids’
She told all her friends he was "lazy."
Mikhail Nilov | Pexels After his wife decided she wanted to quit her job and be a full-time stay-at-home mom, a husband posted on Reddit seeking advice regarding the division of household chores. He said his wife expects him to provide for them financially and split all other tasks evenly, but he's starting to question if this split is actually fair.
This mom made the decision that she wanted to quit her job and stay home, not so much because their 12-year-old daughter needed her there, but because she wanted their family to reflect more "traditional" values. Her argument doesn't exactly hold water because she also expects her husband to "be a man" and provide, while also doing half of the household chores. Even after regularly working 10-hour days, she seems to think he should have the energy for both, and he is starting to wonder if this is actually a 50/50 split.
A stay-at-home mom is demanding that her husband provide for her financially and split all of the household tasks.
Leeloo The First | Pexels
In an effort to explain his family dynamic, the husband explained that his wife had recently decided to become a full-time stay-at-home mom. Her reasoning, the husband argued, wasn’t necessarily because of childcare needs, since their daughter is 12 and quite "self-sufficient," but rather because of traditional values. “She also wants me to provide all the income,” he said, “and ‘be a man.’”
Being a stay-at-home wife and mother is a job; there's no arguing that in this scenario, but the question becomes how to equate each partner's contributions so they are fair. Just at the start, we already notice a pattern of unequal task division. The husband has to work full-time, so it makes sense that the mom should also take on full-time responsibilities at home. Obviously, he should still help when he's off the clock, but during the workweek, expecting him to split things evenly feels like a stretch.
For instance, financial educator Lacey Filipich explained that the split of finances and work should be based on fairness. “Equity often means you have to treat people differently to account for their different starting points and circumstances,” she said. In short, it’s fine for the mom to want to stay at home while her husband works, but she also has to be fair to him once he returns from his job.
The husband pointed out that he regularly works a 60-hour workweek. “I handle all of our expenses,” he said, “but she expects me to split cooking, cleaning, school runs, even child rearing 50/50.” She went so far as to tell him real men “don’t treat their wives like maids."
Out of frustration, the husband told his wife that if she wanted a 50/50 split, she should get a job and contribute financially.
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
Since he's providing financially, the husband argued that the housework and childcare should mostly fall on his wife’s shoulders. He said he’s still willing to help when he can, but it doesn’t make sense for him to work all day, earn the money, and still be expected to take on half of the housework.
Most commenters felt he was justified in his view of their roles. One woman wrote, "Part of the 'traditional' wife role that your spouse claims to want is to create a soft landing pad for the person who is fully financially supporting the family. Yes, as the dad you still need to be there for your wife/kids in other ways, and yes you should help at home because you live there… but 50/50? NOPE. Sorry your wife is selfish."
The situation has escalated after involving others in their conflict. He wrote, "She tells her friends I’m lazy and just want a servant, but honestly, I feel like I’m the one being taken advantage of. I told her if she wants me to help 50/50 with the household, then she can get a job and contribute financially."
Another commented noted, "your wife is the lazy one. SHE is the one who wants to be a sahm yet she doesn’t wanna do any of the sahm duties? 50/50 is only for when you’re both working full time. Of course still parent and spend time with your kid but chores should mostly fall on her."
It's important for both partners to agree when it comes to the division of labor in a household.
Being the provider is not the easiest task. For instance, when men were asked on Reddit how they feel about being sole providers, many shared that it isn't easy. “I have been taught that I am only as useful as what I provide,” one user said. “I am only loved for what I give.”
What's funny? That's a similar sentiment that many stay-at-home wives and mothers experience. What it actually comes down to isn't so much the role, but rather if contributions are appreciated. A partner who provides financially and feels like his role is acknowledged and appreciated is likely more productive and happier to engage in more at home. The same goes for a partner whose domestic contributions are appreciated and acknowledged.
This isn't really a gender based dispute when all is said and done. This is a communication issue between partners. Marital roles change as the relationship evolves. According to research, couples who prioritize communication within their relationship are more likely to weather these storms of change than couples who quietly harbor resentment and let anger dictate their actions.
It's time for this couple to have a serious sit-down. They need to discuss what they want and need for a happy and healthy future together, and if they can't find common ground, it might be time for couples counseling.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
