Single Mom Explains Why She Has Nothing Saved For Retirement After Years On Food Stamps
Natalia Lebedinskaia | Shutterstock Even for middle-class married couples, the current economy is becoming impossibly difficult to navigate. So, what does that mean for single parents?
One single mother, previously known as @my_secrets_untold on TikTok, shared exactly what the struggle looks like for her.
She described letting her husband make every decision early in their marriage and having no voice in it. After making the empowered decision to leave her abusive husband, she embarked on a new individual journey, one that turned sour without the financial security of marriage and the consequences of a system designed to let single mothers fall through the cracks.
This single mom admitted she has no money saved for retirement and is currently living ‘paycheck to paycheck’ to provide for her kids
“I am 41 years old, and I have no savings for retirement,” she said. She went on to describe spending the past decade or so as a broke single mom, at times living on food stamps.
Without the security of her husband’s income from the military, this mom had to find a way to make money to pay child support, find a new home, and start her life over as a single mother. Not only was she still navigating a difficult co-parenting situation, but she was finding it shockingly difficult to survive — to buy food, pay rent, and make ends meet.
It’s impossible to ignore the terrifying reality this mother was facing. Even after getting a college degree and following the “traditional path of life” advertised to her as a young woman, she was barely getting by.
Before her divorce, this woman said she was a ‘tradwife’ — ‘it’s great, if you pick the right partner’
“I was 19 years old when I got pregnant. When our daughter was a week old, we just eloped at the courthouse,” she explained. “My job was to be a wife and a mom. I wasn’t supposed to have any time or any thoughts about doing anything other than [that].”
It’s a reality that many single mothers are forced to unlearn as they age. They’re more than just mothers and wives; they’re also individuals. In an abusive or controlling marriage, it can be difficult to separate those identities.
Oftentimes, abusive partners strip their partner’s identity from them as a means of entrapment to evoke fear and keep them in the home. So, while some find stay-at-home mothering to be incredibly convenient in their partnerships, others fall victim to a toxic dynamic.
“I don’t regret my choice to have my children,” she continued, “However, I do regret my decision in who I picked to be their dad and my ex-husband. I had very low self-worth and self-esteem. I thought I was only good at being a wife and mom.”
Following her decision to separate from her ex-husband, her lack of confidence and identity made it that much harder to set up a life for herself — to find a job, settle into a new home, and meet new, healthy people.
But let’s get one thing straight: it wasn’t just her partner’s manipulation and abuse that kept this single mom from achieving financial stability. The entire system is unabashedly unfair and inequitable.
With student loans and credit card debt, she’s finding it impossible to save money each month
Many single moms who were previously homemakers lack the job experience to pursue high-paying jobs, especially ones that provide the flexibility parents need to care for their children. Her college degree has been practically useless, along with the gap in her resume, making it impossible to find a suitable job, she says.
Despite finding a job eventually, it’s only allowed her to make minimum payments on her debt, pay child support, and afford the bare essentials. Money for retirement or savings is non-existent.
Some months, this single mother uses food stamps for groceries because her monthly income doesn’t always cover her necessary expenses. However, the process, application, and unfair regulations on food assistance programs make the help sparse.
Many former tradwives struggle with financial stability following divorce
Like many other single moms, who were previously tradwives or stay-at-home mothers, this woman is finding it impossible to reach financial stability and security. Retirement accounts are one of the biggest reasons why.
Money that goes into a 401(k) during a marriage is generally considered marital property, and because of this, the stay-at-home spouse has a legitimate claim to a portion of it. This claim, however, doesn't transfer on its own. For example, in the case of an employer retirement plan, splitting requires a court order known as a qualified domestic relations order.
As the Pension Rights Center points out, retirement benefits are among the most commonly overlooked assets during a divorce. Why? Well, in part, it's because the process is exhausting and most want the whole divorce over and done with quickly. The other part of it is that, depending on your age, retirement can be decades away, making it something that usually doesn't get mentioned.
All of which is why stay-at-home parents should be urged to build financial standing that doesn't depend on their partner. What does this look like? This could be keeping a credit card or bank account in your own name or, at minimum, knowing what's actually in your household's accounts.
None of this preparation means you're actively planning to leave, either — it's just a way to make sure you're still standing if you ever have to.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
