Newly Single Dad Criticized For Taking A Break To Cry While 16-Year-Old Daughter Cooks Dinner
As many TikTok commenters pointed out, the reaction likely would have been very different if he was a single mom.
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock Being a single parent is hard in any situation. But when the split is still fresh, it can feel especially difficult. You're not only navigating kids on your own, but you're also trying to heal a broken heart.
One dad was still mourning the loss of his relationship with his wife while also trying to take care of a brood of kids. He showed the internet how it all became too much for him one day, and was met with backlash rather than sympathy. For some reason, it's still taboo to think that men can be sad, and it somehow makes them less than if they can't control their emotions.
A single dad shared one of his darkest moments after his marriage ended and received criticism for it.
Jonathan McDonald, a father and TikToker, shared a vulnerable moment during which he was lying in bed crying while his teenage daughter made dinner for the family. “I’m laying [sic] in bed sobbing, my 16-year-old is cooking dinner and taking care of my 5-year-old and 2-year-old so that I can have the space to cry,” he said.
McDonald opened up about his own insecurities during this difficult time, saying, “I feel like I’m failing as a dad in this moment because I can’t be present, but all I want is for my wife to come home and for my heart not to be broken.”
Many would expect McDonald to receive compassion during a hard time like this. After all, he’s going through something that some people can only imagine. However, that was not the overall message he received from most of the comments left on his video.
While many of the comments were critical of his behavior, others pointed out that it was an example of a parenting double standard.
“Parentifying your oldest is not the solution here,” one person argued. “Nah, tell them you’re sad,” someone else said. “Share that. Get up and take care of them. Your daughter is not their mother.”
Another commenter rather unhelpfully said, “Buckle up buttercup … You have kids to take care of. It’s not fair that your daughter is doing it. You had a terrible loss but so did they. Grieve together.”
Meanwhile, other commenters couldn’t believe the hate this man was receiving for taking a moment for himself to let his emotions run free. “I can’t help but feel like the comments would be different if a single mom posted this,” one person said, pointing out the double standard. “The comments really show no one cares about men’s mental health and it’s sad, man,” another offered.
The dad tried to offer an explanation for his choices in another video.
While McDonald didn’t really owe anyone answers, he still did his best to provide some in a follow-up video. He said he received comments that were kind and others that were “nasty” and wanted to provide a bit more context. “Firstly, let me say it’s been a really, just rough week overall emotionally for me,” he shared.
“When I picked up my daughter from driver’s ed, I was already crying in the car,” he admitted. “I asked her to cook dinner. It was just Hamburger Helper, but it’s one of her favorite meals, so it’s really easy. She was fine doing that.”
He went on to explain that his parents actually live in an apartment that is attached to their house, and his youngest children went to spend time with them when they got home. “When they came back into the main house, I went out to go help with them and my 16-year-old said, ‘No, it’s okay, I’ve got this,’” he recounted. “I truly appreciate the care she showed me in letting me be sad.”
What happened here doesn’t really count as parentification because it wasn’t repeated.
According to Psychology Today, “Parentification is when a child is forced to take on the role of a supportive adult within their family.” They described this as a “chronic role reversal.”
While one could certainly make the argument that McDonald’s daughter was in a situation in which she was parentified, this does not appear to be a chronic, ongoing issue, but rather an isolated incident. Furthermore, everyone needs a moment to themselves from time to time. Not everyone can be a perfect parent 24/7, and that’s okay.
In fact, this wasn't anything this single dad should even defend. A family works together during hard times. Men are allowed to have emotions, and the idea that they should be selfless robots at all times is not only harmful to their mental health, but it's a harmful lesson to teach kids.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
