4 Signs A Man Is Still Emotionally Entangled With His Mother, Even As An Adult
If he's prioritizing his mother over you, these signs will make it crystal-clear.
Valeria Ushakova | Canva You are involved with a guy and he's all that, yet you can't help but wonder if there is another woman in his life. Then you meet her and immediately know the other woman is his mother.
Mother-son entanglement — also known as mother-son enmeshment, in this context, refers to a family dynamic where boundaries are blurred and individuals lack a clear sense of separation and independence. One study concluded that the non-enmeshed partner may experience feelings of neglect, frustration, or resentment.
Here are four signs a man is still emotionally entangled with his mother, even as an adult:
1. He still lives by her rules
Here's the thing that guys who are victims of enmeshment don't understand about a healthy relationship: In a normal one, you have boundaries with your parents. If she's butting in on your home planning, your intimate life, or even your holiday planning, you have a problem. She's trying to exert control where it doesn't belong, and your boy toy probably is going to expect you to live under her thumb, too.
— Ossiana Tepfenhart, Author
2. There's extreme sibling rivalry
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When a son views his sister as competition and actively works to prevent their mother from having a relationship with her daughter, it can be a sign of enmeshment and unhealthy family dynamics. This behavior often indicates an over-dependence on the mother and an attempt to maintain exclusive emotional control or influence over her, hindering other family relationships.
— Erika Jordan, Dating Coach / NLP Practitioner
3. He overshares intimate details with his mom
One sign of enmeshment between mother and adult son is when either party confides too many details of their intimate lives. From discussing their physical intimacy to confiding their relationship problems in depth, to meddling in each other's intimate lives and relationships, these unhealthy boundaries can be secret betrayals of the people with whom they are physically intimate.
— Gloria Brame, PhD, Therapist
4. He consistently seeks out his mom's approval
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He can't do or say anything without "Mommy's approval," even if he's forty. Dare I say it? Run! Yes, this man will dote on you and spoil you.
Yes, this man believes that women are essential and valued. All positives, no? Of course, they are. The problem becomes that there can only be one Queen Bee in his world, and that, my dear, is not you. It's her.
This means any major decision he makes will be predicated on what his mother wants, and not on what you want as a couple. He is a loving and affectionate guy who is everyone's best friend.
No one has a bad word to say about him. He is generous in spirit and loyal as a puppy, but ultimately his view of you will always be shaped by that seen or unseen force: Mommy dearest.
— Laura Lifshitz, Author
Mother-son entangelement can be a messy knot to untangle since it has threads connected to safety, care, nurturing, bonding, and love. These basic human needs can get wired into co-dependence, emotional control and manipulation, and a climate of insecurity outside the maternal bond with the adult son.
Boundaries, boundaries, and more boundaries will be needed and steadfastly maintained by everyone involved in the enmeshment. The mother and her enmeshed son have serious self-work to do to untangle. However, if you are involved with an enmeshed son, it does not mean you have that self-work to do, but your boundaries must be clear. Whether their boundaries are clear is up to them.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
