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Having kids isn't something you can compromise on.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 07, 2023
Being sterilized at 27 makes dating very different for me compared to most other people my age. While a good percentage of the 20-something population is looking for a mate to have kids with, I clearly am not.
The problem I’ve found while dating is that most people when asked about kids, will either lie to keep me around or lie because they don’t believe I don’t want to have any more kids.
Unfortunately for me, lying about wanting kids often equates to an instant breakup.
Over the years, I’ve learned the signs he's lying about wanting kids (or not wanting them).
If you notice any of the following things, he's not being truthful about his plans to have (or not have) a family with you in the future.
Here are 13 signs he's lying about wanting, or not wanting, kids:
1. You overhear him talking about how women are biologically wired to want kids
This is the kind of talk you’ll hear from a guy who really, truly doesn’t believe that women can want to be child-free. No matter how adamant you are about your stance, he will eventually expect that you’re going to demand kids.
This is terrible for a number of reasons, including the fact that he doesn’t actually listen to your wants and needs. Should you find a guy like this, you need to run, not walk, away from him.
2. The first way he tries to woo you is by telling you that he wants kids, then when he finds out you’re child-free, he backpedals
The first impulse of a guy is the one you should most often trust, particularly when it comes to kids.
Guys who are really just looking for a baby mama will often be very upfront about wanting to be a dad, but when they notice you not being so hot about it, will take it as a sign that you mean “not yet” or “convince me.”
3. He keeps putting it off, even when you explain you have a timeframe
Sadly, I have seen a lot of guys who didn’t want kids pair up with women who desperately wanted them who did this.
One guy I knew even got a vasectomy and let his wife go through IVF. The only reason anyone ever found out is because she got pregnant with a kid that wasn’t his!
Kids are, unfortunately, one of those things that you need to set a timeframe for and stick to it.
4. When you ask him where he sees himself in 10 years, he doesn’t mention kids, but then later says he wants them
This is actually very much the same as point number 2.
If a guy wants babies, he will tell you he wants babies off the bat. If he isn’t interested in playing daddy, then it won’t be on his mind when he’s talking about his life goals. It’s that simple.
5. He’s lying about wanting to have more kids if he refuses to see the ones he already has
If he’s a deadbeat dad to the kids he already has, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that he would treat the progeny he makes with you any better. Do not count on being the exception to this rule!
6. You caught him sabotaging your birth control
I actually had this happen to me with a guy who only went on one date with me, prior to me getting surgically fixed. Thankfully, I didn’t end up pregnant and I never saw that loser again.
7. Even the mention of babies makes his face contort in a 'certain doom' expression
A guy who is absolutely disgusted by kids probably will not want kids. Ever. Trust me on that.
If he flinches when people ask him to pick up a baby or look at one, he is probably child-free.
8. He gets choked up and misty-eyed when he talks about you having a kid with him
This kind of reaction is the reaction of a guy who is hellbent on being a father at one point or another in his life.
If he’s telling you he doesn’t want kids but behaves this way, you may want to prod him a little bit more. He’s most likely lying.
9. He keeps asking you whether kids are 'really necessary', and highlights the perks of being child-free
Bless his heart, he’s trying to get you to see his side of things. Sadly, kids are something that you either want or don’t want, and there’s no real negotiating on this matter.
10. He goes ballistic when he hears you’re going to get surgically sterilized
Any time that you hear a potential marriage partner asking if sterilization is reversible, or getting huffy about you getting your tubes tied, you need to think twice about marrying this person. Clearly, they have things on their mind that they aren’t telling you.
Worse, they seem to think they should have a say in what happens to your body. In other words, this is a sign that the relationship probably needs to end, for his sake and yours.
11. He tries to cajole you into the idea of being a mom
Some guys will talk about how “nice” it is to be a stay-at-home mom if they feel like you might be open to the idea of having kids. Yeah, this is a straight indicator that he wants kids and won’t budge.
12. He asks you if you 'really mean it' when you tell him you don't want kids
If you didn’t really mean it, why would you want to say that to him?!
13. He tries to convince you not to abort should you accidentally become pregnant with his child
I’ve actually seen this happen, and frankly, it’s terrifying.
If he does this, you need to make a point of getting out of that relationship as soon as you can. Otherwise, you’re going to be stuck with a kid you didn’t want and a man that probably won’t take care of the child or you.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.