Adults Who Rarely Call Their Parents For Advice Usually Grew Up Learning 7 Sad Lessons
Streamlight Studios | Shutterstock Everybody has a different relationship with their parents. Depending on how they were raised, they may go to their parents for everything, and continue to do so when they become adults. But some people rarely reach out to their parents for any type of advice, and it has a lot to do with the lessons they were taught from a young age.
A person may want their parents' input on buying a home or growing into adulthood, but when they learned things like vulnerability equating to weakness or that independence was imminent, it's no wonder they prefer to do things on their own.
When adults rarely call their parents for advice, they likely grew up learning these sad lessons
1. You shouldn't be vulnerable
dragana991 from Getty Images via Canva
Asking for help is a scary thing because it requires being open to admitting you've made a mistake or don't have all the answers. Children who learned this sad lesson from a young age equated vulnerability to weakness, so as adults, they're reluctant to seek help.
They may have developed an avoidant attachment style as a result, and have a low tolerance for intimacy and forming lasting connections. They didn't feel allowed to express their feelings as children, so they won't ever turn to their parents on advice relating to that.
2. It's unsafe to rely on others
Perhaps their parents taught them that they couldn't rely on anyone else in life, except for themselves and their parents. They may have developed hyper-independence because of it, and don't feel the need to ask for help by calling their parents.
Hyper-independence is a trauma response where people compulsively handle everything on their own. Maybe they learned that people will always let them down or that the only way to succeed was self-sufficiency. Either way, they've pushed people, including their parents, out of their lives.
3. Avoid conflict at all costs
Part of having an avoidant attachment style is avoiding conflict and confrontation. People who do this were likely taught that arguments and disagreements would get them nowhere, and to simply agree to keep the peace.
Even at home, when their parents would do the same thing, they saw how resentful it made everyone. Issues would get swept under the rug and forgotten about. As adults, they won't call their parents because any conversation could lead to a conflict of some kind, and they don't want that to happen.
4. Goodbyes are sad
One of the reasons adults don't call their parents is because they know the goodbye will be painful. While it's never easy to hang up the phone or travel home after visiting with someone you love, emotionally resilient people take it in stride.
Unfortunately, kids who grew up dreading goodbyes tend to just avoid them completely. By not reaching out, they're avoiding a potentially harmful experience and the guilt that will likely follow.
5. Being emotional gets you nowhere
fizkes | Shutterstock
Many adults call their parents for advice because they know they can rely on them. They don't have to worry about feeling judged, and know they can confide in the people who raised them.
But if, as children, they learned that their parents wouldn't listen to what they had to say, they'll seek out other non-relatives to do so, or try to solve problems on their own. By not picking up the phone, they're protecting their emotional well-being from feeling unheard by their parents.
6. You have to be independent
Some parents fear their children won't be independent, despite constantly hovering over them or making choices for them. When their kids were young, they may have instilled lessons in them to live their own lives as an independent adult.
While teaching kids independence is essential to their development, they may not feel like they need help from their parents once they grow up. They've handled everything on their own for this long, so why even bother?
7. Everyone will judge your choices
For many adults, not calling their parents is an act of emotional protection. They learned as children that their parents would judge them if they ever needed advice or help with something. So, instead of getting their feelings hurt, they just don't open up about it at all.
Children should feel seen and heard, but not every childhood is so lucky. Kids who don't feel like they can speak up won't want to rely on their parents as adults. They know it will just turn ugly and they won't be understood anyway.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
