11 Quiet Ways Boomer Dads Express Emotion Without Ever Saying I Love You
Boomer dads show their love in quiet ways so that their big emotions don't get in the way.
Ground Picture / Shutterstock Boomer dads grew up in an era that discouraged vulnerability in men, and therefore had to find quiet ways to express their emotions, sometimes without ever saying, "I love you" to their children. At some point they might have filled up your gas tank or fixed things around the house without being asked to do so, and these quiet gestures can be worth far more than words.
Boomer dads may love dad jokes and offering unsolicited advice to their children. They make memories with their children in their own way, like that time he took you on a fishing trip and showed you how to cast a rod. For boomer dads, teaching practical survival skills is a love language. Their emotions might not come through in heart-to-heart conversations, but they certainly do in all the ways they support you without expecting anything in return.
Here are 11 quiet ways Boomer dads express their emotion without ever saying I love you
1. Fixing things without being asked
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Growing up, your boomer dad probably fixed things himself instead of relying on a professional to do the dirty, either out of frugality or ego. Boomers were raised to fix their own problems rather than let others do it for them. This instilled in your father a sense of resilience that only he could get the job done perfectly. Evolutionary wise, repairing the dripping faucet was more than just about fixing it but a way to bring water to help his own family survive.
Your boomer dad should be praised and rewarded for his efforts. Bonus points if he brought you along on his quest to make sure that the garden looked nice for everyone in the neighborhood to see. A study by the Zero To Three Organization found that fathers who involve themselves in activities like practical tasks can contribute to a child's cognitive development and self-regulation skills.
So, the next time you complain about your Boomer dad dragging you along to help mow the lawn, remember that he was biologically and emotionally helping you.
2. Grilling you a perfect steak
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You can tell if your father loves you or not by the way he cooks your steak. If he makes it just how you like then congratulations, but if he burns it then maybe you should rethink your entire relationship with your father. To him, it's about the effort of acknowledging your taste buds and taking the time to make it the way you like because he wants to see you happy.
The controversy over what counts as the perfect steak has been debated for years, a debate that your boomer father is more than willing to dive into. A study published in the journal Meat and Muscle Biology found that consumers rated steaks highest in flavor, tenderness, and overall satisfaction when cooked to their preferred doneness. The research shows that medium and medium-rare steaks are the most favored levels. So, there! We can finally put the how long should you cook the steak debate to rest.
3. Checking the oil in your car
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Popping the hood and pulling out the dipstick may not seem like much, but it's important to your boomer father. He cares about keeping you safe and making sure that your car has the proper maintenance. You don’t want to be driving down the highway when suddenly your car stalls and then you call your dad just so that he can give you the I told you so speech. He may not ask how you are doing, but knowing how much mileage you have is just as good.
We all have memories of our fathers yelling at us to hold the flashlights up the right way just to hide the fact that he didn't know what he was doing. A survey by Jiffy Lube found that 87% of Americans shared fond vehicle-related memories with their father, with over half stating that their dads taught them the most about vehicle care. These memories stick with you for a lifetime, filled with deeper connections and life lessons.
4. Lending you his tools
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When your boomer dad finds out that you've got some renovation plans that you intend to do, he immediately comes to your aid with all of the tools that he has lying in his garage. His hammers, saws, and even multiple screwdrivers that you can't even name will be handed down to you as if it's his last day on earth. He doesn't explain anything unless you ask, and even then you could be on the phone with him for hours discussing how a precision screwdriver works. When you're finally done and attempt to return the tools back to him, he simply tells you to keep it just in case.
Younger generations might think baby boomers are judging them as being too lazy for not knowing how to do certain things, but research shows that this might be a reality they don’t want to admit. According to a poll by Alarm, 93% of baby boomer dads own a hammer, while 32% of millennial dads do not.
Interestingly, 62% of baby boomer dads admitted that younger dads like millennials are better at tech-related DIY projects. This shows how older generations focus more on physical repair while younger generations embrace more digital solutions for home improvement tasks.
5. Telling you dad jokes
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Boomer dads love to tell dad jokes, especially to people they are close to. These corny one liners are a way for them to connect. There's occasionally that good one that makes you and the entire room laugh, but a lot of them are pretty bad.
Even when they are terrible these jokes manage to ease any tension in the room, because now everyone is thinking about the joke rather than focusing on something serious. The main objective is to engage with you on a personal level or even break the ice in an awkward social situation.
For many dads, telling jokes is a way to express affection without getting too sentimental. These dad jokes also come with cherished memories. As embarrassing as they can be, they remind us that humor can be considered love. Besides who needs an "I love you" when you have a funny dad who says, "I love me too. Glad we're on the same page."
6. Making sure that you eat
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Boomer dads have a way of expressing care through practical and often overlooked gestures like making sure that you are well fed. Food is often made with care and offers comfort to others. To him, a full stomach means peace of mind, and that's something only a dad could deliver, even if it was just a slice of cold pizza. It's not always emotional in the traditional sense, but it is something that as a child you needed for survival.
Your boomer father making sure you ate actually had a more profound impact than you realize. A study in Northern Ghana revealed that there was a positive association between fathers' involvement in childcare and feeding activities to a child's dietary diversity. Children whose fathers were more involved in feeding activities were more likely to receive a diverse diet which positively influenced their children's nutrition levels.
7. Watching television with you
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If your boomer dad watched television with you when you were young, then it was his way of bonding with you. He probably showed you his favorite films like Dirty Harry and Tombstone to introduce you to life in the wild west. These films inspired him when he was young and he hoped that they inspire you too. Even when the two of you are watching, he might drop some fun trivia about the making of the movie or tell you about the first time he watched it.
Even if they seem more interested in the television than in talking, their presence alone is a way of showing that they care for you. A study from Texas Tech University found that children exhibited increased physiological responses such as heart rate and skin conductance when watching TV with a parent compared to watching alone. These responses suggest that heightened engagement and learning during co-viewing sessions can benefit children, especially when a parental presence is around.
8. Giving life advice that sounds like a lecture
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Boomer fathers can be overbearing, especially when they offer you unsolicited advice. They're from a time where elders passed down wisdom to the younger generation and it was appreciated. They care deeply about preparing you for the world in the best way they knew how. These teachings could be small practices like prioritizing your family or use cash rather than credit just in case something happens.
It may feel like a lecture, but really it's a testament to how much they really do care for you. A study from Concordia University found that children with actively engaged fathers exhibited higher intellectual abilities and fewer behavioral problems. Fathers who set appropriate limits and structured their children's behavior positively influenced problem-solving skills and decreased emotional issues such as sadness.
As you grow older you will look back at all of those lectures and realize just how much they helped shape your decisions.
9. Working long hours to support you
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Boomer dads may not admit that they struggled to balance their work and home life, but it becomes more obvious as their children get older. Many adults would see their fathers working nonstop and believe it's because he simply wants to get away from home, but the reality for many is that dads have to work hard to support their families. They may not have been home everyday, but their sacrifices built the security that you needed.
Fathers and their children suffer when they cannot interact with each other. A study published by Frontiers found that fathers who worked more than 65 hours per week were significantly less engaged in parenting activities such as playing at home, changing diapers, and bathing their infants. Yes, he wasn't around all of the time but you having a roof over your head was the price of him being overworked.
10. Giving you money
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Boomer dads are willing to fork over a couple of dollars to their children if they need it. It's a sign that they care because they know that financial support can ease the burdens on life without having to go into a deep conversation about it. This could be done by slipping you some cash for gas or helping cover your rent for you, your dad cares and he shows it through his wallet.
Dads who give money are solving problems and providing their children with stability. For many, their fathers are their safety net financially, and he hopes that while you may not be financially responsible right now, you will be one day. You know you'll always having him in your corner no matter what you're going through. For them, providing financially is one of the purest ways to express love and devotion.
11. Showing up when you need him
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Your boomer dad not be great at expressing his emotions with you, but one thing that he can be is a stable presence in your life. That dependable presence often becomes something you count on more than you even realize. When he drops everything to be there, it can be one of the most powerful things you can experience.
A fathers presence is important for children no matter what age they are. A study published in Acta Paediatrica found that a supportive bond with a father figure led to reduced depressive symptoms in children. This shows the importance of a father's physical presence and emotional availability within the home. If you ever wondered how your dad shows love then look at what he does the next time you see him. Chances are he’s been telling you he loves you this whole time.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
