12 Phrases That Usually Offend Gen-Z But Boomers & Gen X Insist Are Totally Normal
alvarog1970 | Shutterstock Generational shifts in language happen every few decades, but with the social media and other tech, these changes happen much faster. Despite being frustrating for older generations, Gen Z often pushes for higher standards, causing tension in families when classic boomer and Gen X phrases are used.
With help from parenting expert Joanna Schroeder, co-author of the book Talk To Your Boys and other guides for communicating between generations, we offer a few alternatives to the common phrases that seem to be dividing families (and society in general).
12 phrases that offend Gen Z that baby boomers & Gen X insist are normal (and how to bridge the gap):
1. 'It's time to just get over it'
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A great deal of tension between older generations and their Gen-Z counterparts are fueled by an inability to effectively communicate them and feel understood.
"With Gen-Z, they've got a ton of access to information, a lot of different content, news sources, and influences," Chief Education and Career Development Advisor Huy Nguyen explained. "So, when they go into a company that has more traditional norms, you get a situation where it doesn't always mesh."
Phrases like "get over it" can feel dismissive and invalidating for Gen-Zers that hold themselves to a high standard caring about social issues, justice, inclusivity, and even things like sustainability.
How to bridge the generation gap:
Author Joanna Schroeder urges Gen X and baby boomers to remember that young people's fire and passion is part of what makes them great. It's also anthropologically and evolutionarily part of a young adult's nature.
Instead of telling them to get over it, which is probably impossible, try getting curious and asking questions.
Try asking, "What do you think would help solve this problem?" and "In your opinion, what is holding up progress on this?"
Or, if you're really concerned that their emotional connection to an issue is overwhelming their lives, try saying, "I would love to find a way to support this, but I'm worried that you, personally, might be invested to a point that it's not healthy for you."
2. 'Don't be so dramatic'
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While Baby Boomers might feel more comfortable suppressing their emotions or withholding their emotional expressions, Gen-Z is collectively the opposite, speaking up about their opinions and making space for emotion.
When they're met with a phrase like this, Gen-Zers are much more likely to take offense, considering they tend to find comfort and connection in vulnerability. What's ironic is that baby boomers were the original social justice generation, and if the two groups could connect, they'd probably find a lot to connect on.
How to bridge the generation gap:
Sadly, phrases like "don't be so dramatic" make it harder for this connection to happen, according to Schroeder. So if you're a Gen X or baby boomer, think about how you felt when older generations dismissed your feelings. Your environmental advocacy or anti-war demonstrations meant a lot to you, so start there.
Instead, try saying, "I can tell you feel really emotional about this and I'd like to know more. Can you give me some more background so I understand?"
3. 'It doesn't affect you, so why do you care so much?'
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Gen-Zers are collectively diverse and collaborative, according to Stanford researchers, so it's not surprising they're so committed to inclusion and advocacy.
It's this basic empathy, caring about issues or disparities outside your demographic, that fuels Gen-Z as change-makers in many aspects of their lives, from changing workplace norms to voicing their social opinions.
When they're met with a phrase like this from a Gen X or boomer, it's not just offensive, but invalidating in the face of the social identity they've crafted, founded on caring for others, making space for vulnerable people, and voicing their opinions.
How to bridge the generation gap:
Of course, many times the parent or grandparent saying this doesn't mean anything bad at all, they're genuinely curious.
If that's the case, they can try saying something like, "I think it's wonderful you care so much. Can you tell me more about that?" to disarm any defensiveness.
4. 'We've been through this before'
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It's true that many older generations (especially baby boomers!) were change-makers and younger people generations could learn a lot from their advocacy.
While these conversations are productive for the greater good, phrases like this one can shut down the conversations that could actually help keep the peace.
How to bride the generation gap:
Gen Z can do their part by being open to the older generations' wisdom. Are things differenet today? Absolutely. But there is still so much to learn from people who've been there, according to Schroeder.
To relieve tension and resolve generational resentment, everyone needs to feel heard and valued, even if they share different opinions. Phrases like "This is what we learned when we were working on the anti-war movement, if any of that is helpful to you now" or "I know things are very different now, but in my experience, [insert advice here] was very helpful."
Schroeder says making it personal and sharing wisdom is very different than telling people what to do (or worse, what they're doing wrong), especially with young adults.
5. 'Back in my day...'
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Whether it's talking to a co-worker or a parent, many Gen-Zers are inherently offended by phrases like this, intended to dismiss and invalidate their current struggles and experiences.
Sometimes fueled by resentment and other times feelings of entitlement, trying to compare the experience of a Gen-Zer with a baby boomer at the same age isn't just impossible (think of how technology changed pretty much everything), it's invalidating of Gen Z's unavoidable reality.
How to bridge the generation gap:
Schroeder insists that you can say "back in my day..." if you're being funny. In fact, it's a good idea to make a joke to ease tension, especially if you make yourself the butt of the gag.
Simply recognizing that things are different now, and that there are different challenges, can go a long way toward easing tensions.
6. 'It's just the way things are'
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Gen-Z is largely characterized by their willingness to push traditional boundaries and act as change-makers in many aspects of their lives. They are deeply connected to other cultures and different experiences online, and don't see the status quo as something they have to co-sign.
With a commitment to societal issues and more accessibility to information online, they largely don't believe in an "It is what it is" attitude, but rather, an innovative one where people have the power to redefine how they live their lives.
How to bridge the generation gap:
It's not surprising that Gen-Zers get offended over a phrase like this when they're actively working to pave a new, more efficient, and inclusive path forward. If baby boomers and Gen X elders want to connect, they'll need to forget the entire idea of passively accepting injustices in the world.
Schroeder suggests that instead of asking Gen Z to accept these things, try empathizing first by saying something like, "Sometimes I feel so helpless when I look at everything happening around me, so I cope with it by saying things like 'it's just how things are' to detach a little."
To help Gen Zers make productive change, Schroeder suggests following that up with, "I wonder if there are smaller ways to start working toward change that might feel less overwhelming" and join with the Gen Zer in brainstorming first steps rather than expecting them to dim their natural curiosity and inner fight.
7. 'That's not a real job'
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If you've worked a remote job or spent time in a hybrid schedule, you've likely heard some variation of this phrase before, regardless of your generation. This makes people feel belittled and invalidated for their work.
Similarly, Gen-Z often faces this kind of criticism from older generations both for their work schedule and individual jobs. To boomers and Gen X, their income from streaming or social media, working in online resale, or driving for DoorDash may seem silly. But that's not just as dismissive as calling someone's remote office work or consulting job "fake".
How to bridge the generation gap:
With new industries popping up and shifts in technology opening up new career possibilities, it might be difficult for older generations to contextualize what a "real job" looks like for young workers today, but that doesn't make their work any less valid or important.
Schroeder explains that Gen Zers may need to be more patient in explaining the work they're doing to their elders and how they monetize it, remembering that what comes naturally to them might not to their parents and grandparents.
Instead of saying "that's not a real job", Schroeder suggests getting to the root of your concerns or questions and expressing those, instead.
For example, "I love that you've found a way to make money, but I'm concerned about how you'll access health insurance" (or whatever concern is on your mind). Or try saying, "There's so much I don't know about this, can you explain how you make money from this platform?"
8. 'Boys will be boys'
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Hearing a phrase like "boys will be boys" can feel disillusioning and invalidating for women and girls in many generations, especially in the face of misbehavior or hurtful language. But Gen Zers feel empowered to speak up and call this phrase out as a myth.
Imagine a Gen-Z woman is being strung along by a man that she's dating, and her parents respond with a phrase like this. Not only does this invalidate how she feels, it encourages her to accept disrespectful behavior from a young man who knows better than to behave that way.
Especially coupled with unsettling trends that reveal male Gen-Zers are more likely to feel "attacked" by feminist ideals than baby boomers, it's not surprising that young people are sensitive and offended by lazy language like this, that only makes excuses for poor behavior and lacking accountability.
How to bridge the generation gap:
First, Gen X and boomers need to educate themselves about the harms done by phrases like this. According to Schroeder, the damage done by this phrase and the sentiment behind it goes back generations.
She explains:
"'Boys will be boys' tells our sons and students that we expect less from them, essentially saying they aren't as good as girls and that can actually affect boys' and young men's self esteem. Why would young men rise to higher levels of empathy and kindness when we've always told them they're impulsive, creepy little monsters?
Second, it teaches girls that cruelty or thoughtlessness is to be expected. This may cause them to stay quiet instead of reaching out for support if a guy harms them or someone they care about."
She advises Gen X and boomer parents acknowledge that things have changed when talking to Gen Zers. Instead of dismissing bad behavior, try talking about how society expects men to behave and ask the Gen Zer in your life how they feel about that and what they hope to see change.
9. 'It's just a joke'
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Equally dismissive and invalidating, the phrase "it's just a joke" has quickly become one of the most popular phrases that offend Gen-Z, but doesn't bother older generations at all.
While Baby Boomers might have been able to suppress discomfort and emotion in response to hurtful comments and "jokes," Gen-Z is much more collectively communicative. They find ways to dissect traditional phrases and slang that no longer serves a healthy and inclusive purpose and aren't afraid to call it out.
How to bridge the generation gap:
While jokes and humor can be important for building connections and alleviating tension in conversations, like family therapist Phil Stark argues, making excuses for blatantly hurtful and offensive language isn't doing anyone any favors.
Schroeder advises both kids and parents to remember that jokes are only funny when everyone is having a good time. If a joke was actually designed to silence someone or make them feel bad about themselves, it's not a joke, it's an insult only one party can laugh off.
She advises Gen X and baby boomers to re-examine their own motives for anything they say that offends someone before calling it a joke. If they really, truly didn't mean for it to be hurtful or passive-aggressive, they can apologize and say something like, "I really meant for that to be a joke, but I see it upset you. I'm really sorry for that."
Gen Z, in turn, can do their best to understand that boomers and Gen X grew up in a totally different era and that snide or insensitive jokes were just part of normal life. While that doesn't make it right, it may add context to why their elders say things like this that Gen Zers simply wouldn't say.
If younger people can educate rather than scold their well-intentioned elders, Schroeder explains, it goes a long way toward preventing unnecessary conflict.
10. 'That's not ladylike'
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Many women across generations have been subject to societal norms and gendered stereotypes that urge them to be smaller, quieter, and less expressive, and phrases like this are only a representation of that injustice. While Gen X was raised in a more feminist environment, baby boomers absolutely were not, and have often not had an opportunity to deconstruct those messages.
Not only is it toxic for women's equality and comfort to use a phrase like this to condemn someone's behavior, it's offensive to Gen-Z people today, who have dedicated a great deal of time, effort, and energy into overcoming gendered obstacles and injustice.
How to bridge the generation gap:
Schroeder encourages baby boomers and Gen X should pause before saying something like this and remember how much work their generations did in order to raise the empowered little girls and young women that exist today.
While saying something like "that's not ladylike" may not offend them, Gen Z has even higher standards for how women and girls should be treated and that's a very good thing that Gen X and boomers can be proud of!
Gen Z, for their part, can understand that their elder who says something like this may not realize how oppressive it feels.
Rather than snapping and calling their elder sexist, they can look to explain without compromising their values.
Schroeder suggests a kind response like, "I'm not all that worried about appearing ladylike in that way. I'm really focusing on my career and living up to my own values, instead."
11. 'You're way too sensitive'
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With such a stark difference between Gen Z's collective commitment to mental health awareness and intentional emotional intelligence compared to older generations, it's not surprising that phrases like, "you're too sensitive!" or "everyone acts like such snowflakes in your generation" are so divisive.
Being met with a phrase like this when you're expressing emotions or reacting to someone's hurtful behavior can feel disorienting, especially in a relationship with someone you trust to support you. It makes young people feel unsafe.
How to bridge the generation gap:
While generational resentment can enhance this discomfort, it's important that everyone (Gen-Z and older generations alike) are thoughtful and intentional about their language. It might be tempting to snap back at someone who calls you too sensitive, but Schroeder suggests taking a moment to explain why it's hurtful can help.
She advises boomer and Gen Xers re-evaluate what they're actually trying to tell the young person in their life when they say it. What's at the root of it?
Are you worried about the Gen Zer's ability to function in the real world with that level of sensitivity? If so, try saying, "I respect how much you care for your emotional health, but I worry about how harsh the world is."
Or are you feeling more like you can't do anything right because your sensitive Gen Zer keeps calling you out? If so, you can express that more specifically, too. Try saying, "I feel like I keep saying the wrong thing and upsetting or offending you, and that's not my intention. How can we figure this out so we can work together/stay close and connected?"
In other words, instead of saying something general like "you're so sensitive", express your specific concern using kind words designed to connect rather than defend.
12. 'You're always on your phone'
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Oh boy, this is a tough one! Especially considering all three of these generations spend a lot of time on their phones, all while judging the others for their specific type of phone use.
While there's certainly research to suggest that screen time has a negative effect on people overusing their phones and technology, phrases like this can feel frustrating for Gen-Zers who feel inextricably linked to them. Boomers and Gen X may think of their phones as mindless entertainment, a place to do their daily NYT puzzles or scroll through Instagram videos.
For Gen Z, it's often about connecting with their friends, to responding to group chats and doing work. They do school flash cards on their phones sometimes, even!
In addition, Gen Z finds community and comfort on their phones and many link their personal lives with their devices, so they feel misunderstood being called out for just wasting time.
How to bridge the generation gap:
If you've noticed a pattern to Schroeder's advice so far, you can probably guess what's coming next! Yes, the solution is in explaining specifically how you feel and getting curious.
"'Get curious, not furious' is a big them of our book," Schroeder explains, "because many of the conflicts between generations happen when we assume we know what someone else is doing, feeling or thinking."
Instead of saying, "You're on your phone too much!" Schroeder suggests asking, "What are you up to on your phone? Anything interesting?"
Schroeder says you can address how much and when a Gen Zer uses their phone by saying, "Let's all put our phones away during dinner or time with family" or expressing specific concerns like, "It seems like you're on your phone more than usual and seeing your friends less, is everything OK?"
That way, the phone conversations don't become a personal attack.
"Oh, and this is important!" she adds, "Boomers and Gen Xers need to practice what we preach. If we're on your phones or tablets for hours at a time, we really can't expect our Gen Z employee or relative to our concerns about phone use."
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
