Mentally & Emotionally Childish Parents Usually Use 11 Casual Phrases To Belittle Their Kids
Ольга Носова | Canva Many of the casual phrases mentally & emotionally childish parents use to belittle their children's emotions stem from insecurity and fear. Not only do they not feel needed to the same extent they did when their kids were young, but they're forced to step back from direct parenting in an uncomfortable way. By recognizing these behaviors, parents and children alike can learn to set better boundaries to protect this coveted relationship.
Mentally and emotionally childish parents usually say these things casually:
1. 'When are you going to settle down?'
Holiday gatherings and family events can already be anxiety-inducing and lonely for singles, especially in a family that places an unnecessary emphasis on traditional family expectations.
If you're a parent, recognize that you might have used this phrase in passing, even with good intentions, and consider removing it. Not only does it feel belittling to a child who's capable of making their own decisions and looking out for their best interests, but it can also feel dismissive. Your kids are choosing to spend time with you, so they deserve to feel appreciated for who — and where — they are.
2. 'You don’t know what you're talking about'
By suggesting that your kids are unable to make decisions on their own, mentally & emotionally childish parents try to grasp at the feeling of being needed. When a natural disconnect occurs in a parent-child relationship as kids get older, it can be difficult to navigate, but dismissing and invalidating a child's independence isn't the way to cope.
3. 'You're overreacting'
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According to Harvard psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren, mentally & emotionally childish parents with narcissistic tendencies may use phrases like this to invalidate and dismiss their child's emotions. While it might be difficult to recognize behaviors like this in a relationship with someone you're supposed to be able to trust fully (read: a parent), the healthy people in our lives will always make space for your emotions, even when it's uncomfortable.
4. 'You're right, I'm a horrible parent'
Some mentally & emotionally childish parents rely on a casual phrase like this to victimize themselves. When a parent refuses to take accountability for their actions and mistakes, they not only spark resentment with their kids, but they encourage them to stop engaging altogether. If you can't have an open conversation founded on trust and basic active listening skills, there's no room for growth in a relationship.
5. 'You're not making any sense'
This phrase, said by mentally & emotionally childish parents, has the power to spark resentful feelings and further disconnect, making both parties feel misunderstood.
While it can be difficult to learn to navigate a changing relationship with a child, Heather Pleet, author of The Art of Holding Space, encourages embracing vulnerable conversations with open arms and support. Even when you don't fully understand your child's life choices, find ways to be there for them, even if it means embracing subtle non-verbal cues or asking thoughtful questions.
6. 'It didn't happen like that'
According to a study published in Psychology and Aging, a great deal of parent-child tension later in life is caused by unhealthy conversations about childhood experiences and trauma. When a child feels comfortable enough to discuss struggles or trauma from their childhood with a parent, they must be met with support, even when parents may not agree or share the same recollections of an event.
By suggesting that a child is misremembering or overreacting when being vulnerable in this way, mentally & emotionally childish parents not only belittle their child's emotions, but erode the trust that's necessary for a healthy relationship to thrive.
7. 'Let's not ruin the day'
By suggesting a child's emotional expression or presence may ruin a gathering or social event, mentally & emotionally childish parents belittle their child's emotions, sometimes without recognizing it in the moment.
8. 'You really should be more like...'
The toxic spiral of comparison culture is already something many children are subjected to in their daily lives. To feel pressured into it by a mentally & emotionally childish parent only enhances those feelings of unworthiness, cultivating a space where children feel the need to mask their true identity..
9. 'I told you so'
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Rather than opening up an honest conversation about a child's struggles or listening to their qualms, mentally & emotionally childish parents may use a gaslighting phrase like this to assert their superiority. Instead of supporting, a phrase like this actively undermines a child's autonomy and decision-making skills, creating resentment and disconnect that damages familial bonds.
As therapist Patricia Morgan suggests, conveying this "I knew better" attitude never safeguards healthy communication; in fact, it tends to harm trust and understanding in a relationship, making kids feel unheard and disrespected by the people they're supposed to feel most safe with.
10. 'It was harder for me at your age'
By suggesting that your child's struggles aren't valid, mentally & emotionally childish parents can indirectly belittle their child's emotions. Even when your child is struggling, listen and validate their discomfort without suggesting that they have it easier than you, say experts from the Lartney Wellness Group.
11. 'You'll understand when you're older'
Not only is this phrase demeaning to a child with their own independence and personhood, but it can be emotionally invalidating for someone seeking support or compassion from their parents. As Newport Institute experts suggest, one of the biggest determinants of parental estrangement with children is emotional separation, where neither party feels heard or understood by the other, causing more disconnect and resentment to build up.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
