People Who Have Zero Empathy For New Parents Usually Say These 14 Casual Phrases
Getty Images | Unsplash New parents often express annoyance at hearing phrases that minimize their experiences, question their parenting abilities, or put undue pressure on them to be perfect. A 2022 study from Antioch University concluded that this is particularly true when they are already feeling overwhelmed or dealing with the significant life changes of new motherhood.
On behalf of all new parents, especially young moms like me who have to endure assumptions, stereotypes, and personal questions, here are some casual phrases I'm so sick of hearing people with zero empathy say to new parents like me.
People who have zero empathy for new parents usually say these casual phrases:
1. 'You're pregnant? Was it planned?'
What an invasive question to ask anyone, and more importantly, why does it matter? Whatever the answer is, you'll still judge me.
2. 'You're a mom?!'
I was in my early twenties when I had my first son. So when people found out I had a child, they acted so surprised and said something like, "Oh my gosh, I could never be a mom right now! I'm way too irresponsible. Aren't you sad you can't party? Or have a life? Oh, my gosh!"
3. 'Oh, you're Catholic/Mormon/Mexican/Southern? No wonder you're a young mom'
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock
What a disturbing prejudice to have, and then say out loud to someone.
4. 'Ha. Babies having babies...'
Do you think I'm a child and not an adult woman?
5. 'You could've done big things with your life'
Life doesn't end at motherhood, just so you know.
6. 'If my taxpayer money is going to pay for that baby, I'll have an opinion about it'
(I see this gem in internet comment sections all the time.)
7. 'Is that your husband? I mean boyfriend... I mean baby daddy... I mean...'
He's a person I have a child with; that's really all you need to know about him.
8. 'Are your parents here to help you?
I have my own house, a husband, and a career. I don't need to rely on anyone.
9. 'So? Where's your ring? When's the big day?'
Photoroyalty / Shutterstock
Believe it or not, you don't have to be married to have children anymore.
10. 'Are you the nanny?'
No, these are my children; I'm not a teenager on a summer job.
11. 'Well, at least you're still pretty'
Telling anyone what you think about their looks is never a good idea.
12. 'Do your kids have the same father?'
These children are loved and have two parents; that's all you need to know.
13. 'Ugh, I could never have a kid yet. I don't want to ruin my life'
My life doesn't end because I have kids; it just looks different now.
14. 'You look way too young to have a baby'
And you look way too old to be telling someone that.
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.
