Parents Who Raise Boys Who Respect Girls Do 3 Little Things On A Regular Basis
Raising respectful boys starts here.
simonapilollatnf | Canva Parenting is hard, especially in today’s world of media being everywhere. Kids are exposed to a world of information just by asking "Alexa," whether parents want it or not. Kids will usually find a way. There’s no point in ignoring the media. It’s not going away.
The problem is that boys are shown conflicting information about women, which can make it hard for them to understand how to treat women and girls. A study in Educational Theory explored how misogyny is a significant factor in the socialization of gender in the USA and other oppressive patriarchal cultures.
These lessons are not as overt as you might expect, but if you parent with these virtues in mind consistently, you could truly raise a boy who might change the world for the better.
Parents who raise boys who respect girls do three little things on a regular basis:
1. They teach patience
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This applies whether you’re raising boys or girls. In this case, however, it's not just patience in the typical sense of being slow to anger, although that is important too.
Perhaps more important is patience with their self-discovery. Allow them to feel love and connections. Let them be in touch with their feelings and never let them feel shame for them by telling them to “get over it” or “toughen up”.
What phrases like that do is reinforce the stereotypical concept that men need to be strong, masculine, and unfeeling. And if they can’t express their emotions — if they can’t understand their feelings — how can they ever hope to understand and appreciate others?
2. They practice total honesty
This circles back to the concept of shame that we mentioned above. If your kids feel embarrassed talking about a certain topic with you, if they feel they will be punished or judged, they will get their information from less reliable (and less friendly) sources, and they will form their conclusions.
Instead, let them know that there is no topic off-limits. Of course, that doesn’t mean they should ask you about certain topics at the dinner table with a younger sibling present. Setting is important, and that's part of the lesson.
If they know they can come to you and ask you about anything that’s going on without any consequences, it will open the door to real discussions about how respectfully to treat women, despite the examples of political leaders and celebrities in the spotlight.
3. They model respect
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Teach your sons that they deserve respect, but they need to give respect, too. Self-respect is most powerfully shown by how a person treats others in his life. These two forms of respect will go hand-in-hand if that's what you teach and model.
So, how do you teach that? Live by the mantra to treat others the way they want to be treated. Yes, you too! How you, as a parent, speak about girls and women teaches kids volumes.
Also, pay attention that you aren't using "girl" and "woman" or other feminine terms as pejoratives (i.e., do you let them tease their friend who cries by saying “you’re such a girl”? Do you use phrases like those yourself?).
The best way to teach them about respect, honesty, and patience is by showing them what that looks like. Whether you’re a single parent, divorced, or in a happily committed relationship, let your son see how respect goes both ways — from the man to the woman and the woman to the man.
Little boys tend to mimic the men they see in their lives, so be sure they have a positive male role model in their lives whom they can learn from.
If not, point them out when you see them in movies or on TV. Ask your sons to think critically about how they would like the girls and women they care about to be treated. Talk through which men and boys in their lives, or the media, show that kind of respect, and which ones do not.
With these three powerful tactics combined, parents today can raise healthy, happy boys who grow into men who love and respect women. And that's one powerful way to change the world.
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