9 Old-School Manners Kids Today Aren’t Learning, But Really Should Be
Everett Collection | Shutterstock With each generation, parenting changes just a little bit, mostly for the better. Unfortunately, some of the good lessons were lost along the way as well, including basic old-school manners.
Some etiquette skills just aren’t necessary anymore, but some were lost to the detriment of modern kids and really should be practiced more often. From social skills to cleaning up after themselves, more parents and caregivers should place an emphasis on these once-taught skills to protect their kids' happiness and future.
Kids today should really be learning these old-school manners, but aren’t:
1. Dinner etiquette
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Whether it’s knowing how to order at a restaurant or simply not speaking with their mouths full, so many young people are missing out on eating and meal manners their parents and grandparents had no choice but to follow.
In many ways, it’s because they’re spending less time at the dinner table with their families, which is definitely not a good thing. Sure, it might not be that important to know which fork to use with fish, but as family therapist Anne Fishel noted, "Regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, and anxiety, and substance abuse, and eating disorders, and tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience and higher self-esteem."
Bringing back family mealtime is essential for kids' mental health. Might as well teach them to keep their elbows off the table at the same time.
2. How to be a respectful guest
The entitlement that seems pervasive among young people and is likely linked to permissive parenting is undermining the guest etiquette we expect from anyone coming into our living space. From taking off their shoes to cleaning up after themselves, these are just a few of the manners kids overlook when they’re at a playdate or spending time at someone else’s home.
As adults, these are the kind of respectful manners that build a foundation for social interactions. Whether it’s hosting parties or being a good guest, these are the pillars of respect that they’ll need forever.
3. Writing physical thank-you notes
Yes, writing physical thank-you notes is a longstanding tradition and basic form of manners when you’re trying to express gratitude. However, there are also all kinds of social and psychological benefits for both the sender and the receiver of a thank-you note that so many people are missing out on today.
Arguably, younger generations need them more but are sending them less, as new convenient communication alternatives take over. They crave connection and community, but rarely make the effort to send someone a handwritten note or letter that could strengthen their social relationships.
4. Making eye contact
There are plenty of young kids and adults today being raised with these kinds of active listening behaviors, but collectively, so many young people are struggling with basic social skills like making eye contact. Especially because of the social anxiety that growing up behind a phone screen can spark, of course, once-typical interactions are now filled with uncertainty and stress for almost an entire generation.
Being present, not giving in to distractions, making eye contact. These are the seemingly old-school manners that everyone needs to lean into today.
5. Standing up to greet people
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Whether it’s at an interview or a dinner party, standing up to greet someone and shake their hand was a relatively basic form of etiquette for older generations. It’s a nonverbal cue that’s essential to communication. When you stand, you’re offering a form of respect.
However, in our era, when saying “please” and “thank you” are becoming less common forms of etiquette, according to a study in Social Psychology Quarterly, these more nuanced, old-fashioned ones are also deteriorating quickly.
6. Introducing yourself to new people
Even if it’s sometimes awkward and uncomfortable to figure out when and how to introduce yourself to a new person or group of people, it’s an old-school social skill that everyone today could benefit from. Especially for Gen Zers battling loneliness at higher rates than other generations, it’s these kinds of social expectations that could actually bridge that gap.
Of course, at parties and with new friends, it’s important, but sometimes these small connections with strangers can even boost our moods and simply make us happy.
7. Helping someone without being asked first
Asking for help is so hard, which is why so many people cling to hyperindependence to cope. Compared to older generations, who learned to offer support and help as an obligation at home first, young people today are missing out.
As a Stanford Report revealed, everyone benefits from asking for and offering help. That’s part of why so many young people today are so lonely. They’re missing out on the connection that comes from asking for help, and sometimes even offering help to strangers and friends without being asked first.
8. Making small talk
Despite small talk being such a vital part of connection and relationship-building, so many people are avoiding it today out of fear of awkwardness and discomfort. Yes, it’s tedious sometimes, but it’s the people who lean in who end up benefiting socially and personally from having these conversations.
We need discomfort to grow as individuals and people. When young people today avoid it in favor of distractions and mindless entertainment, they’re stunting their own growth.
9. Phone etiquette
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While the device used to call and check in on people looks very different for young people today, the practice is needed more than ever.
From congratulating someone on a new life development to making a doctor's appointment, kids have no idea how to talk on the phone, and they really don't want to learn. You sometimes have to inconvenience yourself to show up for the people you love, and a phone call is one of the most accessible ways to do so.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
