Narcissistic Parents Gave Their Kids 10 Rules Growing Up That Made Almost No Sense
AstroStar / Shutterstock Narcissistic parents don't care about fairness. Too busy trying to control and manipulate their children, narcissistic parents often say and do things that make absolutely no sense, including giving their children wildly irrational rules to follow.
In the eyes of a parent who cares about nothing as much as they care about themselves, rules don't need to be consistent. Operating entirely based on what feels good to them at the time, toxic parents will exhaust their children physically and emotionally if it means getting their way and making things as convenient and entertaining for themselves as possible, even at the expense of the little lives they are supposed to nurture and protect.
Narcissistic parents gave their kids 10 rules growing up that made almost no sense
1. Not being allowed to question anything
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Kids are naturally curious. While parents may grow annoyed by the countless questions thrown their way, there are few things more disappointing than being shut down by them. However, this is exactly what narcissistic parents do when kids aren't allowed to question anything.
In their eyes, the parent is always right. Viewing their children as nonsensical, narcissistic parents believe kids should fall in line. As retired clinical psychologist Leon F Seltzer, PhD, explained, "Narcissists often have a sense of entitlement that can cost them at work and in their relationships."
This is why most kids don't argue back. While it's a silly rule, arguing about it usually doesn't do kids of narcissistic parents any favors.
2. Not being allowed to lock their bedroom doors
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While checking phones or social media is acceptable, a kid's bedroom should be a haven. Relaxing after school or getting homework done can feel impossible when narcissistic parents don't allow their kids' bedroom doors to be locked.
Justifying it as keeping them safe, they make it mandatory for every room to be left unlocked. From bathrooms to bedrooms, there's no sense of privacy in the household.
While it may sound good to them, as Williamsburg Therapy Group said, "Privacy can be essential to child development because it allows children to fully develop their own interests and identities."
Unfortunately, narcissistic parents don't care, which is why privacy is a foreign concept in their households.
3. Not being allowed to show anger or sadness
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Parents must give their children ample space to express how they truly feel. Whether it's crying into their pillow or expressing their anger, nothing good comes from holding their emotions in.
Unfortunately, most narcissistic parents don't view it that way, forgetting that their kids are separate human beings with their own experiences and feelings. Because of this, one of the rules they give their kids is to never show negative emotions. These types of parents believe their children should be grateful at all times. Sacrificing so much, it isn't acceptable to throw a tantrum.
It's a self-centered way of thinking, but narcissistic parents will never view it that way. This is why they shut their kids down rather than trying to understand them.
4. Being told to hide family problems from outsiders
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From what makes them upset to what's going on in their lives, being exposed is a narcissist's worst dream. This is probably why another ridiculous rule they have is to hide family problems from outsiders, no matter how serious they are.
Most people don't want others to know their business. Fearing embarrassment or rejection, the average person would rather keep anything negative buried inside than be vulnerable. That being said, parents can't always control what their children discuss with others. Being their own person, they're bound to talk to their friends about personal problems they face.
It's important for children to have a safe space in which they can discuss their feelings, but that doesn't matter to a narcissistic parent who values self-preservation above all else.
5. Never being allowed to say no to their parents
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Filled with their own opinions and self-interests, it's natural for kids to have viewpoints different from those of the people who raised them. However, rather than meeting them halfway, narcissists seek to control. Hating the idea of their kids gaining independence, another rule of theirs is that their children aren't allowed to say no to their parents.
Boundaries don't exist for narcissists. As psychotherapist Tracy S. Hutchinson, Ph.D, said, "They tend to show disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, and physical space." Feeling zero sympathy, a narcissist will do whatever it takes to control those around them, including their children.
6. Not being allowed to refuse physical affection from parents
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Everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to physical affection. While some kids are naturally affectionate, others can be a bit shy. Hating hugs or kisses on the cheek, they may refuse physical affection by offering a high five or another kind gesture instead.
While normal parents are okay with this behavior, narcissists grow offended. Viewing it as a personal diss towards them, they grow enraged and demand physical affection. Not viewing it as a big deal, they make their kids uncomfortable when they don't learn how to respect and work with someone's personal boundaries.
7. Not being allowed to go out with friends unless they cleaned the entire house
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Is cleaning one's room before going out too much to ask? Absolutely not. While kids may want to go hang out with their friends, making sure their responsibilities are taken care of isn't asking for much. That being said, narcissistic parents take it too far.
Not wanting their children to be around anyone else, they deliberately assign them difficult tasks so they don't go out. Demanding the house be spotless, if it isn't up to their standard, expect to be staying indoors for the day. It's unfortunate, but it's the way they operate.
As adjunct faculty member Kristy Lee Parkin, Ph.D., explained, "If a narcissist loses the attention of someone they had controlled, they may use manipulation to regain it." Whether that's through chores or other forms of punishment, if their child's attention isn't on them, be prepared to be targeted.
8. Not being allowed to date
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Dating can be a sensitive topic for parents. While they want their teens to develop relationships and figure out who they are, there are many bad people out there. From those who'll break their kids' hearts to others who'll lead them astray, dating can be terrifying for the average parent.
Teens are busy discovering who they are, and they need to learn what they want and what red flags to look out for. It's terrifying, but it's part of learning to be your own person.
That being said, narcissists don't view it that way. Fearing their kids will grow apart from them, another silly rule they implement is not being allowed to date.
9. Being expected to take on adult responsibilities at a young age
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Kids are supposed to be kids. While they may have to wash dishes or fold their own clothes, kids shouldn't be worried about when their next meal is going to be or how much water costs each month.
That being said, the world isn't as sunshine and rainbows as we'd like for it to be. Not all parents are financially stable. Struggling paycheck to paycheck, they may need to remind their kids, "Hey, don't leave the cereal box open." Yet, while this is more than okay, a rule that isn't is being expected to take on adult responsibilities at a young age.
Telling their kids to pay up as soon as they're working age, narcissistic parents put a huge burden on their kids. Robbing them of their high-school years or of college savings, these parents are as self-centered as they come. Putting unnecessary stress, it's no wonder 11% of children aged three through seventeen are anxious, according to the CDC. When parents aren't considerate, it's bound to make life ten times worse.
10. Being told to cut off friends with no explanation
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Are there going to be friends who aren't the best for their kids? Absolutely. From troublemakers to drama starters, it's normal for parents to do everything in their power to protect their kids. However, as author Tim Elmore said, "There is a balance in protecting our kids from harm and giving them the freedom to fail, struggle, and the skills to succeed."
Good parents understand this, which is why they do their best to balance this innate instinct. On the flip side, narcissists don't care. For no reason, a rule they'll give their kids is to cut off all their friends. Not caring about their need for connection, narcissists control their kids' friendships because they fear their kids will become less easy to manipulate.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
