Mom ‘Sick’ Of Parents Not Really Parenting Anymore Because They’re Too Afraid To Traumatize Their Kids
Does comforting your kids make them emotionally fragile?
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Each parent has their own parenting style. But lately, some critics have been arguing that parenting has become too soft. They claim that a stricter, more old-school way of raising children is best because it supposedly makes kids braver and more confident later on in life. That’s exactly what TikTok mom Sophie Perry Frampton thinks. She's of the mindset that parents are too afraid of traumatizing their kids and instead are too lenient with them.
When it comes to raising kids, there's no one-size-fits-all approach, however. It's easy to look down on others without really understanding what their family needs are, and like with everything, making assumptions based on a brief snapshot of another person's life really doesn't accomplish anything.
A mom took to social media to complain that parents aren't parenting anymore and she's 'sick' of it.
Frampton didn't exactly deliver her message delicately, arguing, “Modern-day parenting causes emotionally chaotic kids.” She even acknowledged that her video would “get a bunch of people riled up,” but she felt it was worth sharing her take.
“I think ultimately there’s a lot of passive parenting going on,” she argued. “There’s a lot of walking on eggshells around your kids.” Frampton went on to say that parents today are afraid of their children’s emotions and that they don’t actually teach them how to work through those feelings.
She explained that there’s no reasoning with a toddler in the middle of a meltdown. “There’s teaching later,” she said, “and there’s immediate discipline.” Her main point was that parents shouldn’t always be coddling their children’s emotions, because this will make them emotionally weak later in life.
But according to Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, compassion isn't dangerous. Just because you walk your kids through the difficult moments doesn’t mean they’ll be incapable in the future. “Compassion is a huge part of self-regulation,” she said. “That’s what we’re teaching in those meltdown moments.”
The mom argued that kids aren't traumatized by stricter discipline.
JLco Julia Amaral ./ Shutterstock
Frampton, who isn't shy about her more religious-based style of raising kids, seems to have a "spare the rod, spoil the child" approach to raising kids. “There are so many posts out there saying, ‘Don’t say this, it’s going to traumatize them. Don’t make them obey you because that makes them obey anybody.’ I’m so sick of it.” She explained that kids are supposed to do as you say, the first time that you ask.
That certainly might work for her family, but there are plenty of experts in the field who have data that backs up the opposite. The notion that kids should be blindly obedient without the need for explanation isn’t supported by Dr. Becky. She explained that developing a child’s emotional world is actually more meaningful. “Telling kids to stop crying or just obey doesn’t teach emotional strength,” she said. “It teaches suppression.”
Dr. Becky further explained that it’s important to plant the right seeds in childhood so feelings can flourish in the future. A confident, content child doesn’t grow from a childhood of “blind obedience,” but rather from a foundation of “compassion, self-regulation, and resilience.”
The mom said that children who aren't taught strict obedience become emotionally fragile.
Frampton said, “Children need clear boundaries, not an emotional analysis every breakdown. That leads to emotional fragility.” But is the idea that walking through emotions with your child leading to fragility backed up by science? No. While it's true that boundaries are important and so are rules, the method of teaching these things to kids matters.
Dr. Becky said, “When we respond with validation instead of criticism, kids actually learn to move through hard feelings, not get stuck in them.” She explained that discussing emotions and helping kids make sense of them gives them the tools to feel more confident the next time those feelings come up.
Clinical psychologist and parenting expert Laura Markham, Ph.D., took this one step further. In a piece for Psychology Today on the perils of teaching kids blind obedience, she wrote, "Obedient children grow into obedient adults. They're less likely to stand up for themselves and more likely to be taken advantage of. They're also capable of simply following orders without question, without taking responsibility for their actions." She went on to say, "That doesn't mean you don't set limits. And sometimes children do have to do what adults say. But children also need to learn they have a right to say no sometimes."
Frampton isn’t necessarily wrong in how she raises her kids, but she is making assumptions about other parenting styles that she simply doesn't fully understand. Claiming that comforting kids during breakdowns makes them fragile is simply untrue. Parents need to stop looking down their noses at other parents simply because they disagree. Instead, perhaps moms should start supporting each other and the gift of being able to choose what they feel is the right path for their families and their kids.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics
