A Mom Refuses To Donate A Kidney To Her Daughter — 'She Doesn't Care That I'm Scared'

She says her 'ungrateful' daughter only made contact to find a kidney donor.

Mom and dad looking over their daughter in a hospital bed. JodiJacobson / CanvaPro

With over 100,000 people currently waiting on the kidney transplant list for a miracle, one daughter had no other choice but to contact her family. 

Struggling with kidney failure, she needed grace from someone to save her life. Although her relationship with her estranged mother was difficult, she decided to make contact to see if she was a potential match and she was. 

However, the mom didn’t jump to save her daughter’s life after learning she was a match. In fact, she told her that “she was too scared” for the surgery and couldn’t manage to take time off work.


The mom refused to donate a kidney to her daughter, who is suffering from kidney failure. 

The mom turned to Reddit to explain the circumstances behind her decision. However, this post had people outraged. Whether they argued selfishness or hostile family dynamics, commenters were in agreement that this mom was absolutely in the wrong. 

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While there were parts of this mother’s argument that were valid, commenters suggested her attitude was inappropriate and unacceptable in the face of her struggling daughter. 

She said her daughter was ‘estranged’ from her for ‘taking out her health problems’ on the family as a child.

“I spent hundreds on … therapy for my daughter, but she remained bitter and difficult,” the mom said at the beginning of her post. 

With the stress and anxiety of her daughter’s illness, she said her family crumbled early on. Not only did she separate from her ex-husband, but her relationship with her daughter also deteriorated eventually leading to their estrangement.  

“Years after she turned eighteen,” the mom explained, she has now reached out, concerned that she won’t get a kidney from the transplant list in time and asking her family for help. 


After telling her daughter she was afraid of surgery and taking too much time off work, she responded that the kidney donation ‘was not about her.’ 

Turning to her “mommy blogging groups” for support, this mom said they immediately started “dogpiling” on her saying she “had to do this.” She confessed, “It felt like I’d be held down to get my kidney.” 

A Mom Refuses To Donate A Kidney To Her Daughter Photo: Aramyan / Canva Pro

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“Against the advice” of her new husband, she went to the doctor and found out that she was a perfect match to be a kidney donor. In an effort to expand her options, she reached out to her ex-husband to suggest he get tested, as well, however, “her stepmom had already called her … screaming [about] ‘how dare she ask this of a father.’” 

With her ex-husband refusing to get tested and her daughter calling her non-stop, she felt the pressure of the surgery and potential pain looming over her. 

Ultimately, the mom was rejected as a kidney donor after telling her doctor she’d ‘rather die’ than help her ‘ungrateful rude daughter.’ 

After deciding to schedule a visit with her doctor to review the kidney donation process, he quickly reversed his decision to accept her as a donor but not because she wasn’t a match. 

“I was so furious from that conversation [with my daughter],” the mom admitted, that when she went to this appointment she told the doctor that she felt “coerced” into donating. 


A Mom Refuses To Donate A Kidney To Her DaughterPhoto: M_a_y_a / Canva Pro

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Restrictions on kidney donations clearly state that both parties — “the kidney donor and recipient” — must have a positive attitude about the procedure and all requirements in place after the transplant surgery. 


Not enthused to be donating, the doctor told her she could not be an eligible recipient and he put her daughter back on the waiting list for her life-saving procedure. 

After updating her mommy blog about her decision, she was overwhelmed by disappointment from her peers. 

“They tried to shame me online with a bunch of ‘what kind of mom’ posts. They insisted I go back and tell the doctor that I changed my mind,” she said. 

Despite her and her daughter’s strained relationship, many agreed with her: “Imagine your parents arguing about who doesn’t want to save your life … they’re just reaffirming her decision to go ‘no contact.’” 



While it’s a huge decision to undergo a procedure such as this, many parents in the comments condemned the woman’s decision calling it “selfish.” Many suggested they wouldn’t even give a second thought to saving their child, no matter how extreme the measures were. 


No comments or updates have been made from the mother since.

This mom's decision can't be simply qualified as right or wrong, however. The complex family dynamics combined with her fear of the medical procedure itself make it a life-altering decision for both her and her daughter.

In order for them both to heal, they need to talk openly and honestly without accusation or blame. 


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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.