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Man Wants Wife To Quit Her Day Job And Work Nights So She Can Take Care Of Their Baby

Photo: Leszek Glasner / Shutterstock
mom caring for newborn baby

Newborns are an incredible amount of work. Not only is the responsibility of caring for them stressful, but their new presence in your life will surely strain your other relationships. 

It’s something tons of new parents are struggling with right now — they have a child and, suddenly, they’re learning things about their partner they never knew. Maybe they’re taking a hands-off approach to parenting or maybe they’re just simply not pulling their weight. 

One new mother on Reddit shared her frustrations about her husband’s recent requests on the “Mommit” forum, a place for viewers to connect over the harsh realities of motherhood. After weeks of being the “sole caretaker” for their newborn, the woman was shocked to hear her husband asking for more, telling her to take on an additional job, forgo sleep, and care for their baby around the clock. 

The woman’s husband wanted her to quit her day job and work nights, giving her more time to care for their newborn baby.

Currently on unpaid maternity leave, the woman shared that she is very much the main caretaker for their newborn. While her husband works his typical 9-5, she is near-constantly on baby-duty.

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“I’ve been watching the baby every day while he works," she explained. “Then on the weekdays, I’m the only one who gets up through the night to feed/change the baby. He says that he ‘works’ and can’t be tired in the mornings.” 

As she’s not currently working, she’s been willing to sacrifice some of her sleep to keep her husband well-rested during the week, though she admitted to desiring more help from his end. 

It only makes sense that the new mom would be excited to get out of the house to return to work — at the same company as her husband, no less. Her husband, however, did not share her excitement.

Rather than taking on a bit more parenting labor, her husband was adamant about a new plan that required her to completely change jobs to care for their child full-time. 

"He tells me I shouldn't return to that job because I have to watch the baby during the day and he wants me to instead get a night job," she revealed. "So, I'd be watching the baby all day, then leaving to go do a night job,  that let's just say ends at around midnight, coming home and then getting up throughout the night to change/feed him and starting all over again."

Man Wants Wife To Quit Her Day Job And Work Nights So She Can Take Care Of Their BabyPhoto: Lopolo / Shutterstock

The woman is understandably frustrated by her husband's lack of understanding or help. It's not just her responsibility to care for their baby, it’s just as equally his

To make matters worse, her husband did not help her pay her bills while she was postpartum and on unpaid leave, yet he requested she quit her job. "I've used all my savings to cover my half of the rent and my bills this past month and feel like I'm in over my head," she wrote.

This mom’s desperation after weeks of sleepless nights and feeling alone in her marriage has culminated in this moment. How does she respond to her husband’s misguided request?

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“It’s unfair,” she bluntly told him. “He said I just wanted to argue and hung up the phone. All the while when I stay home, he says ‘I don’t do enough’ and that taking care of the baby is easy.” 

Her resentment towards her husband has to do with more than his unwillingness to “pull his weight” parenting their child; he also isn’t thanking or showing any appreciation for everything she’s doing. Yes, there’s an added level of stress for this new dad, but minimizing the difficulty of caretaking is never appropriate. 

This father is not alone in his backward beliefs. Many people today have misguided opinions about the importance (and difficulty) of parenting. It truly is a full-time job.

Unfortunately, many mothers adopt the majority of childcare responsibilities, with many fathers taking a more ‘hands-off’ approach.

This mother’s frustration is one that many feel when navigating motherhood, especially for the first time. Studies show that moms tend to adopt most caretaking responsibilities in their relationships — on average, more than three hours more a day than fathers. 

   

   

With this inequitable parenting split, many mothers also experience a shift in their identity, especially when most of their time is spent caring for their children. Instead of embracing their womanhood or doing things for themselves, the entirety of their reality is focused on being a mom

It’s a shift that more people are acknowledging today than ever, with many organizations focused on bringing mothers back to their identities as individuals while advocating for a healthy environment at home. 

No matter what kind of relationship you have, bringing a child into the world requires these kinds of important conversations. How do we divide labor? How do we make sure each other’s needs are met? Are you going to acknowledge the difficulty of staying home, regardless of who does it? How can we stay sane in the chaos of the parenting world? 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture and human interest stories.