Kids Raised By Parents Who Prioritized Self-Esteem Usually Heard 10 Phrases In Their Childhood Homes
cometary | Canva As my adult children arrive back home to visit, I wanted to share with them some of the most important things about becoming a well-adjusted adult that I have learned in life. It took me almost 40 years to learn these lessons and I hope they help people in my parenting stage and new parents alike.
I know that a list will never take the place of our kids learning their strenths and their inherent value via own experiences, but I’m hoping these phrases have guided them in the right direction to becoming well-adjusted and emotionally healthy. Hopefully other parents might benefit, too.
Kids raised by parents who prioritized confidence and self-esteem usually heard these 10 phrases in their homes:
1. 'You are worthy of love'
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Regardless of what you do or don’t do, you are always loved and worthy of love. Nothing can change that.
2. 'You have a purpose'
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You arrived on this planet with something unique that only you can bring to this life. This changes as you go through life so don’t look for one particular thing. Just trust your heart to guide you and keep doing the things that fill you with joy and energy.
Never let anyone else tell you that what you love doing is not okay, not worth pursuing, or a waste of time. Only you know what works for you. Never try to be like anyone else. You are here to be you.
When parents actively encourage their children to believe they have a purpose in life, this can significantly contribute to positive outcomes such as increased self-esteem, intrinsic motivation, a stronger sense of identity, and greater resilience in the face of challenges.
3. 'These are your traits and none of them are bad'
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You will sometimes be naughty and sometimes cooperative. You will sometimes be stingy and sometimes generous.
There will be times when you are happy and times when you are sad. You’ll be energetic and lazy, rude and polite, quiet and noisy, clever and confused, mean and kind, embracing and rejecting.
None of these are good or bad and they all have their place in the world. Never judge yourself for something you do or don’t do. You are always perfect, always lovable, always balanced.
4. 'The universe is balanced and loving'
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At every moment, everything is perfect, balanced, and loving. There is nothing you can do that isn’t balanced out by someone else. We are all connected in a much greater web of intelligence and order.
You can’t do anything you’re not meant to do, you can’t be anywhere you’re not meant to be, and you can’t save anyone you’re not meant to save. You are part of a much bigger picture.
5. 'There is only one kind of free will'
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There is only one kind of free will: the choice to accept the present moment or to reject it. If you accept it your life will be filled with joy, love, and flow. If you reject it your life will feel difficult, miserable, and stagnant.
Choose to accept this moment. If it looks bad, find the benefits and gifts in it. If it looks good, find the drawbacks to you.
That way every moment will stay balanced and you won’t be attached to having a "good" time or fearful of having a "bad" time. That way, you are free to appreciate life.
6. 'Negative emotions are there to serve you'
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You may feel bad sometimes. Anger, fights, criticism, depression are tough, but they’re there to help you.
If these negative emotions come up, stop and feel them, try to understand them. There’s no need to run away, as they will pass. Then ask your mind what it is trying to tell you.
Your emotions are your unconscious mind’s way of sending you a quick message. Your body doesn’t have email or instant messaging, so this is it.
Usually, you’ll find that when you feel one of these then you are not living your purpose (or you’re not letting other people live theirs) or you’re trying to be one-sided (to have "good" traits and no "bad" traits) or maybe you’re expecting that of others.
Get the lesson and the emotion will go. Ignore the lesson and it will stick around, not to hurt you but to help you to get back on track.
And if you need help processing and understanding them, that's OK. Feeling sad, angry, anxious or otherwise bad isn't shameful, it's human.
7. 'Put your oxygen mask on first'
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It is not bad or selfish or unkind to put yourself first. It is essential. We can only give to others what we already have and if you haven’t been loving, kind, and giving to yourself you won’t be able to love or help anyone else.
When you look after yourself, when you honor what is important to you, when you say "no" to things that don’t feel right to you, and when you care for yourself, then you naturally help those around you. When you care for yourself, you are filled with light, energy, and love and this transforms everyone in your space.
8. 'You don't need to do anything'
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You are not a human doing, you are a human being. There is nothing you must do here. You just have to be. Follow your heart and enjoy your life. You will transform the world through your very presence.
Watch out for the words "should" and "shouldn’t." Whenever you hear yourself saying that you should or shouldn’t do something, stop.
Those words are like little red flags telling you that you are subordinating your own truth to what someone else wants or thinks is important. Live your truth and let others live theirs.
9. 'Never take to heart the opinion of a person you don't respect'
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We are all filtering the world through what we already believe and through the things that we ourselves need to work on. And life is always in balance.
So whatever you do or say, there will be people who support you and people who will challenge you.
They’re both there, in balance, as an expression of a loving universe that wants you to grow and evolve and express yourself to your max. You need both to do this.
So love and appreciate those who tell you you’re wonderful and love and appreciate those who criticize and attack you. Together they will help you to reach your goals.
People will see in you the things they have disowned in themselves. They will see the traits that they are too humble or too proud to admit that they have.
You have them all, so no matter what they say about you, it is true. But it is not something to feel proud or ashamed of. It is just part of being human.
10. 'There is nothing to fear'
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Everything that happens to you is for your own highest growth. There are no arbitrary events and you are never a victim.
Everything happens for a reason and everything is there to serve you in reaching your ultimate truth of who you are. Even the things that happen that look really bad have incredible gifts for you.
Parents can significantly influence a child's level of fear by actively teaching them that there is often no reason to be afraid. They do this primarily by modeling calm behavior, providing reassurance in fearful situations, and helping children understand and manage their anxieties by addressing them directly and rationally.
However, a 2023 developmental model explained that overprotective parenting can sometimes hinder this process by inadvertently reinforcing children's anxieties.
If you take the time to find those gifts, you will only ever have love and gratitude for everything that happens in your life. Even death will only happen when it is the right time for you.
And it is just a transition, a return to the home you came from before you were born. It is not something to fear, but something to look forward to. There is no ultimate punishment.
As I said before there is nothing you can do that is "bad" so there is no need for punishment, karma, or retribution. Everything is perfect. Including you, as you are, right now.
Mia Von Scha is a transformational parenting coach, author, and counselor who helps parents overcome the fear of failure and navigate anxiety, as well as other mental health issues.
