Kids Raised By Emotionally Exhausted Parents Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
Yiistocking / Shutterstock Being raised by someone who was constantly past their breaking point couldn’t have been easy. Often, these parents, whether they realize it or not, put their stress onto their children. Left to carry emotional baggage, these kids grow up to have a different outlook than those brought up by emotionally secure parents. This can change their outlook on life entirely.
Emotional exhaustion can look different for everyone. Some parents experience burnout, which leads to chronic fatigue and feeling distant from their children because they don’t have the energy to invest in them. This can turn their kids into adults with specific habits they used to cope during childhood.
Kids who were raised by emotionally exhausted parents almost always have these habits as adults
1. They minimize their own feelings
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Growing up in an unstable environment often makes children develop defense mechanisms to feel safe. Minimizing their feelings can be a symptom of having emotionally exhausted parents. Instead of crying or coming to their parents for comfort, they may have kept their distance from their caregivers entirely. Research has found that kids unconsciously develop these mechanisms to avoid negative emotions. If they felt they couldn’t be emotional around their parents, they may choose to bottle them up.
As adults, this habit can become ingrained. They still don’t feel safe being too open with their emotions and may say things like, ‘It’s fine’ or ‘I’m doing well’ when they don’t mean it, to avoid bringing their problems to someone else.
2. They put others' needs ahead of their own
If someone spent their childhood acting as a parental support figure for their caregivers, people-pleasing may be their default. Parentification can make them feel unsteady in adulthood. Often walking on eggshells or putting their parents’ needs above their own, they may feel putting themselves first is impossible.
They may feel guilt when prioritizing their own needs, almost as if they need permission to choose themselves over others. This can be overwhelming stress to handle. It’s easier to please everyone around them than it is to sit and marinate in their own emotions.
3. They constantly feel guilty
If someone’s parents are burnt out, they have dealt with the repercussions. Watching people you care deeply for struggle can be unbearable. Doing something for themselves may have felt selfish. Instead of investing in themselves, they should have been comforting their parents. This can leave them feeling guilty into adulthood.
It likely wasn’t their parents’ intention to leave them with a guilt complex. They may not have noticed how much weight they were putting on their children's shoulders. Whether it was by sharing difficult stories about their own lives that made their kids feel bad, or blaming them for things beyond their control, this often leads to adults who feel guilty for every little thing.
4. They are self-sufficient
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Parents with their own emotional needs might neglect their children. A parent on the edge of exhaustion each day lacks the motivation to do things for their children, like cook or clean the house. When this happens, the child feels like they have to pick up the slack. They feel like they have to be the chef, house cleaner, and caregiver to their siblings because their parents were emotionally unavailable.
Early emotional neglect forces kids to become self-sufficient, a habit they take into adulthood. Asking for help often feels impossible and can hinder the bonds they create with others. Without vulnerability, it can be difficult to connect with others.
5. They try to help everyone who is struggling
Growing up in an emotionally volatile home can create adults with a savior complex. Trying to help their parents overcome their emotions may bleed into their everyday lives. They exhaust themselves to help others. They don’t realize they are burning themselves out like their parents were all those years ago. This cycle can be difficult to break.
Children like this were often trying to ‘fix’ everything, causing their parents stress. They thought doing so would create more safety and stability. This behavior was a responsibility to their family and can be hard to shake in adult relationships.
6. They struggle to navigate their own emotions
Working through emotions as an adult can be difficult after being raised by a burnt-out parent. This can leave someone with PTSD in adulthood. It’s difficult for them to process their own thoughts and struggles because their parents may not have been the best example of how to work through emotions. It’s easier for someone like this to stifle their feelings than to address them head-on.
Emotional avoidance feels good at the moment. It’s like putting a temporary band-aid on an injury that needs stitches. It works for a very short period before it becomes a serious issue. It can be hard for them to realize they are perpetuating the cycle their parents started.
7. They are always agreeable
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Emotionally unstable parents are often volatile. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can lead to a blowout of massive proportions. Instead of saying exactly what they think, people raised in this environment become highly agreeable. They don’t want to make anyone mad, so they go along with whatever is happening around them.
Highly agreeable people are altruistic. They’d rather do whatever someone else wants rather than advocate for themselves. While they likely mean well, they may not realize that this behavior came from their childhood trauma.
8. Emotional dependency freaks them out
Playing therapist to emotionally exhausted parents can make someone avoid not only depending on other people, but also letting them do the same to them. Emotional dependency can be stressful for those who spent years walking on eggshells because of their parents’ instability. It may be a reason they struggle to get too close to others and end up pushing them away.
Vulnerability isn’t easy, but it’s something needed in healthy relationships. Letting people rely on you emotionally can feel overwhelming and terrifying when coming from a complicated childhood. Anyone who tries to rely on them emotionally can freak them out.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
