If Your Mom Has These 11 Habits Now, She's Lonely
fast-stock | Shutterstock More than 1 in 3 aging adults currently struggle with loneliness, according to a University of Michigan study. So, even if it seems like a stereotype you hear about constantly — parents struggling with empty nest syndrome and struggling to find their footing in this new season of life — it's a reality. With isolation from screen time and lack of "third places" amplifying this loneliness for all age groups, it's important for adult kids to notice the red flags that their parents need support, and equally important for these parents to craft routines that support connection.
From subtle behaviors like talking to service workers for a long time to unsuspecting things like offering unsolicited advice, if your mom has these habits now, she's lonely. She may be trying to grapple with misguided coping skills, but without support and a better routine, she'll continue to grow isolated and lonely.
If your mom has these 11 habits now, she's lonely
1. She shows up early
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If your mom shows up early to family gatherings and planned social events, chances are she's trying to seek out as much togetherness as possible.
Even if it seems annoying in the moment while you're still getting ready or frustrating when you're running late, be gracious. Loneliness can often spark misguided behaviors and strange things, but in the end, usually people cope by leaning on those they trust and love the most.
2. She lingers at your place
If you invite your mom over and she seems to linger, even after you've said your goodbyes, that could be a sign that she's lonely. She's trying to soak up this connection for as long as possible and avoid the quietness and gloom she often feels isolated in her own space.
Especially if she's grieving a loss, struggling with a new routine, or coping with the strain of disconnection from her adult kids for the first time, this time could be incredibly impactful for her to feel like herself again.
3. She sparks conversations with service workers
Whether it's the mailman dropping a letter off at her door or a barista making her coffee, if your mom starts conversations and leans on these people for regular connection, she's probably lonely. While these conversations and talking to strangers can help to ease loneliness and boost well-being, if she doesn't have deeper connections and communities, the uplifting feelings they bring can be fleeting.
So, if you're noticing your mom yearning for more conversations or interactions, try to carve out some space. Offer her the same kind of love and attention that she offered you growing up, even if it takes a little bit of extra time and effort.
4. She keeps the TV on all day
Especially later in life, if someone is always watching TV or keeping the TV on for background noise at home, they're likely struggling with loneliness, according to a study from the Gerontologist. They feel more connected and at peace when there's something to fill the quiet, in comparison to their overthinking spirals and isolation amplified by less noise.
While watching TV can sometimes help to aid loneliness and boost personal health for these aging people, having it on in the background can cause more harm than good.
5. She stays up late
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According to a study from the journal Sleep, many people struggling with loneliness tend to have worse sleep patterns and qualities than their connected counterparts. It's not just because of added mental and emotional stress that negatively affects their rest, but also their avoidance of the quiet restfulness of bedtime.
If your mom stays up late, she may be avoiding the overthinking spirals and loneliness she feels without distractions, trying to fall asleep in bed. Because of this avoidance, she's sabotaged her sleep routine, which amplifies her mental health and loneliness struggles.
6. She lights up around other people
Even if she's sad and numb when she's alone at home, the minute a lonely woman is around the people who show love, she lights up. It's like she's a different person, and for a few hours she can be her most authentic self without worrying about anything else.
If you notice this mood shift in your mom, chances are she's lonely. She's yearning for this quality time and connection, but struggling to find it in her everyday life.
7. She keeps herself busy all the time
If your mom tries to distract herself with busyness and maintaining a rigid schedule, that could be a sign that she's grappling with loneliness. While intentional slowness and alone time may not be all that unhealthy if it's used correctly, many people struggling with loneliness find it hard to cope with the quiet it sparks.
So, instead of leaning into hobbies and self-care that embrace the quiet, they busy themselves with chores, errands, and random activities that keep them busy and suppress their discomfort.
8. She avoids talking about the future
If your mom avoids talking about the future, she may be grappling with mental health struggles in the face of loneliness. Whether it's a sense of hopelessness or a loss of identity that comes from disconnection with her adult kids and feeling "needed," she doesn't have future plans that feel energizing or exciting to look forward to.
So, if you notice subtle shifts in conversations when this topic comes up, it's a reminder that she needs your support.
9. She cleans constantly
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Whether it's an avoidance tactic to stay up late at night or simply a way to keep her mind off the emotional chaos of loneliness, if your mom has cleaning habits, she's lonely. Especially if she leans on them constantly — cleaning a house that's already spotless — she may be clinging to this routine for a sense of structure and distraction.
While avoiding these problems and coping with distractions can provide a fleeting sense of security, for many aging people, these behaviors only amplify their stress.
10. She calls and texts more often
If your mom calls and texts you more often, that could be a sign that she's feeling lonely. While these calls might be annoying for an adult child who's busy in their own life and family, a study published in JAMA Psychiatry found that empathetic phone calls can often help to mediate loneliness in aging populations.
So, pick up the call, answer the text, and be intentional about crafting a safe space for your parents to seek out support when they really need it.
11. She minimizes her own feelings
While aging mothers may worry about becoming a burden to their adult kids, asking for help and seeking support may actually be the healing ingredient they need to address their loneliness. As a Stanford Report suggests, asking for help from others encourages them to feel "needed," which promotes closeness and bonding in even the most casual relationships.
So, if a mother is always minimizing her own emotions and trying to shift the conversation when her life comes up, be intentional about supporting her. She may simply worry about making you feel burdened with caring for her.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
