If You Are Extremely Careful Not To Do 11 Rude Things, Your Parents Knew What They Were Doing
Krakenimages | Shutterstock Everyone veers into impolite patterns of behavior over the course of a lifetime, but there’s a big difference between being a rude person and someone who makes a mistake. If you're one of those people who does their best to avoid being rude, it means your parents raised you right.
Sometimes rudeness is an accidental outcome, like a person with ADHD who struggles to be on time. Other times, it's a sign someone is innately selfish. Regardless, you can thank your parents if you are one of those special people who avoids hurting others by being rude.
If you are extremely careful not yo do 11 rude things, your parents knew what they were doing
1. Talking over people
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
If you avoid talking over people, your parents did a great job raising you. Flat-out.
Conversations follow a natural pattern: one person speaks and the other person listens, waiting to share their thoughts until after the first person has finished. This pattern lets conversations flow comfortably and helps avoid rude behaviors, like interrupting or cutting people off.
Talking over other people sends the message that you don’t really care what they’re saying. In contrast, active listening goes beyond just hearing the words another person says. It’s a fluid process with five stages: receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding.
If you know how to do this innately, you likely had parents who modeled it for you, and that's a real gift.
2. Using your phone during in-person conversations
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Parents who valued kindness taught their kids not to use the phone during face-to-face conversations. Not only is it rude, it's also unkind.
Everyone who owns a cell phone gets distracted by it, and there's no shame in that. But there’s a time and place for mindless scrolling, and it’s not while you’re talking to someone else.
Staying off your phone lets you commit your energy to the person you’re with, which fosters deeper connection. You show that they they're important.
Not only are you avoiding rude behavior, you’re recognizing that the multitasking we all do these days doesn't work as effectively as we wish it did.
3. Spreading gossip
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
If you avoid spreading negative gossip, your parents probably knew what they were doing and wanted you to grow up to be someone that spreads kindness rather than division.
Because of these values, they taught you that words have power. By making a conscious choice not to spread gossip, you’re showing that you deeply care for other people, even the ones you don’t know.
Sharing salacious details about someone else’s life may give you a thrill as you say it, but it is toxic behavior. It reinforces social divisions and ostracizes people. By avoiding gossip, you make the conscious decision to be kind and uplifting, showing how strong your values are.
4. Criticizing people
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
If you avoid criticizing other people, your parents taught you that it's rude and almost always unneccesary. Being critical denies people the full scope of their humanity by reducing them to their flaws.
It is the opposite of acceptance, ignoring any sense of nuance, lasering in on people’s imperfections and amplifying them, until that’s all
If you were raised in a judgmental home, it’s highly likely that you internalized the damaging narratives you heard from your parents, leading you to repeat them as an adult. It takes work to unlearn a critical mindset and relearn kindness, but having overly-critical parents doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life.
It’s easier to go negative than it is to stay positive, but if you keep compassion and understanding at the center of your interactions with others, it means your parents did a great job raising you.
5. Being chronically late
Lewis Tse | Shutterstock
If your parents taught you that it's rude to be chronically late, they likely raised you with great values.
Running late doesn’t necessarily mean you’re rude, yet the way you manage lateness might be. Showing up late without an explanation or an apology is rude behavior. Calling ahead and letting the other person know you’re running behind is the considerate way to handle it.
For some people, chronic lateness has nothing to do with being disrespectful or inconsiderate of other people’s schedules. People with ADHD often struggle with time management, which means they show up consistently late because of the way they understand time. They operate under the misconception that being on time means arriving exactly on time, when really, the best plan to be punctual is to build an extra fifteen minutes in as a buffer.
Chronic lateness is seen as a classic form of rude behavior, yet not having grace for people who run late could be framed as rude behavior, too.
6. Judging others for their choices
Aloha Hawaii | Shutterstock
Your parents did a great job raising you if you avoid judging other people for their choices. Having a judgmental attitude forces people into narrowly defined boxes, without knowing their full story. All we have access to in understanding other people is their external behavior. We don’t know what’s going on internally, which is why withholding judgment is the most empathic approach.
Humans use labeling as a way to categorize and define ourselves and others. Assigning labels is our way to make sense of the world around us, but it can lead us down a path of prejudice and stereotyping.
Having compassion is the way out of judgment. Compassion allows us to see that making mistakes doesn’t make someone a failure, just as acting in hurtful ways doesn’t make someone an inherently bad person.
Channeling that same compassion inward lets you have forgiveness for yourself, too. If you see your imperfections as a small part of your larger self, you can see yourself in a more compassionate light. That compassion lets you move on from your mistakes, strengthening your sense of resilience.
As the Puff points out, “By reframing our thoughts and focusing on our strengths, we can create a new, empowering story for ourselves.”
7. Canceling plans at the last minute
fizkes | Shutterstock
If you avoid canceling plans at the last minute, your parents did a great job raising you. It’s more than okay to set boundaries around your time and energy by saying no say no to things you don’t want to do, but waiting until the very last moment is an example of rude behavior.
If you’ve decided to call off plans you made in advance, it’s best to let the other person know as early as possible. Canceling plans the hour before you’re supposed to be somewhere makes people feel like you don’t care about them or consider their time.
According to a study conducted at Carnegie Mellon University, small acts of rudeness are so mentally draining that they impair people’s ability to concentrate. After a rude encounter, people tend to ruminate on the impolite action, to the point where they can’t think about anything else.
You might not purposefully intend to be rude when you cancel plans, but it can still come off as rude behavior. Practicing thoughtfulness in all areas of your life can help you meet your own needs without causing harm to other people.
8. Not cleaning up after yourself
Inna photographer | Shutterstock
Cleaning up after yourself shows that you care about how your actions affect others, and if your parents taught you this lesson, they didn't want you to to be rude. Leaving your cereal bowls in the sink and waiting to wash them until they’re a cereal bowl tower is inconsiderate of the other people you share space with.
Learning to do chores at a young age lays a foundation for taking care of yourself as an adult. Child development experts believe that kids who help out around the house learn empathy, responsibility, and the value of working together, along with practical life skills.
Chores aren’t a particularly fun or exciting way to spend your free time, but they’re a necessary part of maintaining a household, and people who avoid them often don't realize how rude this behavior is.
If your parents taught you the value of chores as a child, they did a great job setting you up to be a successful, considerate adult.
9. Cutting in line
DW labs Incorporated | Shutterstock
Standing in a long line is a stressful, frustrating experience, but it’s an unavoidable part of the human experience. Cutting in line or getting angry at employees or other patrons is rude and absolutely no solution to that problem.
Understanding that you have to wait your turn is something you learn in kindergarten. Parents who know what they're doing make sure this lesson continues all the way into adulthood. Standing in line is also a skill you learn in kindergarten, and it’s a hard truth of life that you can’t always be the line leader.
People who cut in line put their rude nature on display for everyone else to see. They think their time is more important than anyone else’s, which gives them permission to stand in front of people who’ve been waiting for way longer. Their warped view of reality and sense of superiority washes out any other sense of basic human decency they have.
10. Bragging excessively
voronaman | Shutterstock
There’s nothing wrong with celebrating your hard-won achievements, but there’s a way to boost your own spirits that doesn’t involve making other people feel like they’re less-than. Parents who want to raise kids who aren't rude teach this lesson clearly and consistently.
The difference between bragging and acknowledging your success comes down to mindset. It’s possible to express humility while singing your own praises. It’s also possible to lift yourself up while lifting up everyone around you.
By bragging, you’re putting yourself in a position above everyone else, as though you climbed to the top of the ladder and pulled it up after, so that no one else could follow. If you take pride in everything you’ve accomplished and help others reach the same amazing heights as you, it shows how considerate and successful you really are.
11. Believing you’re better than everyone else
fizkes | Shutterstock
If you avoid giving people the sense that you think you're better than everyone else, it shows your parents did a great job raising you. You approach the world with a sense of fairness and you see the value in the gifts prople bring to the table, no matter how subtle. Instead of ranking yourself and others, you see people as equals, because you believe in everyone’s innate worth as a human being.
People who see themselves as superior settle into rudeness as a lifestyle. They go out of their way to put people down, because their sense of self depends on it. They might seem confident from the outside, but their confidence is hollow, built on the backs of people they use and discard.
Your confidence comes from how your parents raised you. Their unconditional love and support lead to you believe in yourself, which leads you to believe in others, every single day.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
