People Who Grew Up With Unpredictable, Hot-Tempered Parents Usually Have 7 Habits That Make Them Easy To Spot
Shakirov Albert | Shutterstock When parents get mad at the drop of a hat, and it happens a lot, it messes with their kids. As a way to cope with the unpredictability, kids develop habits to try and keep the peace, and they're pretty easy to spot once they become adults.
They might be hot-tempered like their parents or take the opposite approach and become almost too chill, but once you know how to spot the signs, the way they were raised becomes obvious.
Habits that make people raised by hot-tempered parents easy to spot:
1. They are people-pleasers
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Growing up in an explosive household meant walking a fine line. One misstep and the day could be ruined. Unpredictable parents could be fine with something one day, and completely explode about it the next. This often left their children on edge, doing whatever it took to keep them happy. Anxious children can turn into people-pleasers.
People-pleasing means putting others before yourself. Growing up in an angry home often leaves people afraid of upsetting anyone else. Instead, they’ll do whatever it takes to make everyone happy, even if it comes at a cost to their own mental health.
2. They can't control their emotions
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Parents teach their kids how to express their emotions by how they handle their own feelings. The behavior they model is likely what their children will do.
If a parent is hot-tempered and hard to read, the vicious cycle of emotional unawareness may continue, creating another generation of hot-headed adults.
Emotional dysregulation makes it difficult to process our feelings. Instead of working through them, the overwhelming weight can pile on, leaving us stressed and on edge. Without learning self-regulation as children, they can carry this unhealthy coping mechanism into adulthood.
3. They’re always playing peacemaker
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In a home with constant arguments, children can take on the role of peacemaker. They feel the need to be the go-between when their parents are fighting or when tension is high.
As adults, they are always reading the room to make sure no one is upset. They feel they have to step up when conversations seem tense or people look unhappy. Preventing arguments and keeping the peace is natural to someone like this.
4. They fear sudden mood changes
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A study found that people who endured trauma during childhood are more sensitive to emotional conflict. When someone’s mood suddenly shifts, it can take them back to childhood. Suddenly, they can feel on edge and want to jump into that peacemaker role to change the room’s energy. Anything they can do to calm that person down and improve their mood is important.
Sudden mood changes are part of life. Unfortunately, they can be especially triggering for those who grew up in unpredictable homes.
5. They are great communicators
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No one wants to take on their parents' bad habits. Making changes when their role models were hot-tempered and unpredictable is difficult because it is all they knew. However, some set out to change their lives entirely, becoming really adept at communicating.
A lack of communication caused chaos in their homes. They know the importance of working through their problems to keep things calm, which they rarely experienced in childhood.
6. They struggle to trust other people
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If kids grow up not being able to trust their hot-tempered parents, they aren't going to trust anyone else. Or at least they aren't going to do it easily.
It’s not that surprising that people who grew up in this situation become distrustful adults. Likely, they never felt safe with their caretakers. Now, it’s hard for them to connect with others because they don’t want to be let down like they constantly were as children.
7. They avoid complicated conversations
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Unpredictable people are not easy to have difficult conversations with. Sometimes, you’ll catch them at the right time, and they’ll be able to talk through things easily. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
Triggers can come up in random conversations. Suddenly, someone who dealt with unpredictable parents is transported back to that time in their lives. It can make them shut down and become avoidant. They don’t want the conversation to escalate as it did with their parents.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
