Kids Raised By Workaholic Parents Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
Joshua Rabusa | Pexels Some adult children adopt their parents' workaholic tendencies, while others spend their entire lives compensating for a lack of presence or emotional availability at home.
Many of the habits these children bring into adulthood were shaped during their most impressionable years, when they were yearning for quality time but didn't have a parent around. These parents are often well-intentioned, but there's no denying that their dedication to their careers had many unfortunate consequences for their families.
Habits kids carry into adulthood when they're raised by workaholic parents
1. They bring work home
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Many adult children with workaholic parents grow up to be perfectionists who feel like their self-worth is dictated by the quality of work they do in the office or the commitments they make to a company.
They bring work home with them and spend time in the office on weekends. They say yes to taking on more responsibilities and don't set boundaries. They may even have multiple jobs just to prove they can handle it all, even when it's clear they're struggling.
2. They glorify burnout
Older generations raised in a hustle culture learned to put productivity and workplace success above personal well-being. They think exhaustion and burnout prove company loyalty and devotion to a job.
While many younger generations today are unweaving these toxic workplace expectations, some kids who grew up with workaholic parents find it hard to break free.
They've watched their parents overwork themselves and tie their sense of self to their careers for their entire lives. And now, as adults, they may seek the same kind of praise and security from their own jobs.
3. They weave their job into their identity
Many workaholic parents make work a major part of their identity. When they're working hard and succeeding, they feel better about themselves, even if they're actually letting their job consume their lives and create burnout.
Their kids grew up believing that their worth came from their job title or their professional aspirations. In adulthood, they likely struggle with many of the same vague boundaries and habits that their parents did.
4. They use work as a coping mechanism
When you grow up with parents who are always working, you miss out on opportunities to connect. Emotionally neglected kids had devoted parents who were set on providing for their families, but still found it hard to schedule quality time together at home.
As kids, they watched their parents cope with stress and complicated emotions by leaning heavier into work. They watched the "work hard, play harder" mentality play out at home with parents who overspent to keep their kids happy.
Instead of modeling what great work-life balance and emotional intelligence looked like, these kids learned to use factors like work and money to ease their emotions inside.
5. They become avoidant in relationships
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Our relationships with our parents and the emotional experiences we face growing up all affect how we show up in our adult romantic relationships, whether we realize it or not. The love and emotional presence we feel as kids shape not only who we look for, but how we become attached to people later on.
For example, a child with a workaholic parent they spent years yearning for at home will likely grow into an avoidant adult. They will create space or seek emotionally distant partners that replicate a similar longing they had as kids.
They never practiced healthy attachment and vulnerability with their parents, because they were rarely around. And now, it feels more comfortable to embrace that dynamic over and over again. It's comfortable and familiar.
6. They seek intensity over security
In their own careers or romantic relationships, children of workaholic parents seek intensity over emotional security, at least according to researcher Dr. Bryan Robinson.
They're used to being on their own and not being able to rely on others for comfort. It's become more familiar for them to seek excitement than to put their trust in someone else to bring safety and security.
It's not because these children lacked any kind of practical or physical security. In fact, many kids with workaholic parents had financial security at home and never had to worry about things like food or money.
But we tend to underestimate just how emotionally consequential a lack of presence or vulnerability from parents can be, especially during a child's formative years.
7. They seek approval externally
Many kids with emotionally present, secure parents learn how to build internal security, instead of looking for it in other things and places. But workaholic parents often expect their kids to be on their own more than the average kid, and sometimes even model an unhealthy relationship with work where they're seeking praise.
Their well-being as kids was shaped by longing for their parents, and they learned how to get praise by mirroring similarly unhealthy commitments to a job. As adults, they're wired to seek approval from people, even if it creates a more anxious, unhappy life for them.
8. They avoid alone time and stillness
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For many kids who yearned for their parents and were expected to spend most of their time alone, solitude as adults may be unnerving. Yes, they're professionals at filling their time, but that doesn't mean stillness is something they're comfortable with.
With a workaholic parent with an intense life and chronic stress, these adult kids are likely wired to busy themselves as a distraction from stillness. Their parents made productivity a priority, and now they can't slow down.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
