Dad Feels Uncomfortable After Learning His 11-Year-Old Daughter Falls Asleep In Her Mom & Boyfriend's Bed

The mom's boyfriend has been in his daughter's life for 5 years.

daughter in mom and boyfriend's bed Ground Picture / Shutterstock 

A man shared that he feels uneasy after learning about the sleeping arrangements at his ex-wife’s house. His daughter recently told him that she falls asleep in her mother’s bedroom, and her father is anxious about who is in the room with her. 

The man learned that his 11-year-old daughter often falls asleep in her mother’s bed with her mother and her boyfriend. 

In a since-deleted Reddit post, the man revealed that his daughter recently told him that she falls asleep in the same bed as her mother and her mother’s boyfriend when she stays at her house. When she watches TV in their bed, she'll fall asleep between them.


The father found new information concerning. 

“She's only 11, and [I don't] think she should be sharing a bed with a man,” he wrote, despite his ex and her current boyfriend being together for six years — since his daughter was four.

“While talking with my daughter, she mentioned that my ex went downstairs to get some water and stayed there for one hour. So my daughter is just sleeping in bed with a 30-year-old man for one hour,” the dad continued. “I asked her if he wears clothes while in bed, and she said he doesn’t wear a shirt.” 

Dad Feels Uncomfortable After Learning His 11-Year-Old Daughter Falls Asleep In Her Mom & Boyfriend's BedPhoto: Galina Zhigalova / Shutterstock


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When the man discussed his concerns with his ex, she invalidated his feelings, believing that his worries were irrational. 

“Strangely, my ex and my daughter have been very defensive about my ex’s boyfriend, like I am out to get him,” the man wrote. 

He then asked other Redditors if he was overreaching and turning the situation into a bigger deal than it needed to be. 

Most people online assured the man that his daughter’s sleeping arrangements were not inappropriate.

“He feels like her second dad, having raised her since she was 4. Not inappropriate at all from what you describe,” one Redditor commented. 


“I used to sleep with my mother and stepdad all the time as a child; he is my second dad,” another user shared. “I would be more concerned if it were a new relationship, but this isn't the case here. This man has partially raised your daughter; by the sounds of it, he is her dad, too.” 

Dad Feels Uncomfortable After Learning His 11-Year-Old Daughter Falls Asleep In Her Mom & Boyfriend's BedPhoto: Ground Picture / Shutterstock

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“You just have to trust that if anything seems off, your ex will put a stop to it immediately," a third commenter wrote. "You really can't do anything else, and you shouldn't instill ideas in your daughter's head."

While it did not appear that anything was inappropriate going on with the man’s daughter, some people believed that the situation was the perfect opportunity for the man to teach his daughter about consent. That way, if something ever happened that she was uncomfortable with, she could tell her parents. 

For the most part, there is no issue with children falling asleep in the same space as their step-parents, especially if they trust them. 

Children, especially younger ones, often seek comfort and security from trusted adults, including their step-parents. Sleeping in the same bed can provide a sense of safety and reassurance. 

Dad Feels Uncomfortable After Learning His 11-Year-Old Daughter Falls Asleep In Her Mom & Boyfriend's BedPhoto: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock


However, it's essential to consider individual family dynamics, cultural norms, and the comfort levels of all parties involved. What may be acceptable in one family may not be in another, and it's crucial to prioritize the well-being and comfort of all family members — especially children. 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.