Dad Refuses To Let His Kids Join Him On Vacation Because They Chose To Live With Their Mom After They Divorced
He is punishing his kids because they hurt his feelings.
Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels A dad received a ton of backlash after admitting on Reddit that he's refusing to include his kids on a planned trip to Europe over his hurt feelings regarding their custody. Basically, the teens told the court they wanted to live with their mom as the primary parent, and he's throwing that back in their faces as the reason for excluding them on the trip.
In what can only be looked at as subconscious guilt, he questioned if he was being fair towards his teenage children after booking the vacation without them, despite the fact that they expressed interest in going, all because of how the divorce played out. Unsurprisingly, he didn't get much sympathy.
The dad refused to include his kids on vacation because they chose to live with their mom after the divorce.
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"I have two kids. They are now 14 and 16. I've had 50/50 since I got divorced, up until a few months ago. Four years ago, my ex wife got remarried and her husband advised her to start a custody dispute," he began in his Reddit post. "I spent $165,000 (basically my life savings) fighting for 4 years. For the record, my ex-wife's father is wealthy and paid all her legal fees."
He explained that his older child told the court-appointed therapist that they wanted to live with their mom full-time and only see their dad on the weekends, while his younger kid said they just wanted to split their time evenly between both parents. However, his youngest then changed their mind and said they wanted to split 70/30 with their mom because they just wanted the custody battle to be over.
Custody battles can actually be quite strenuous on children. Research has found that high parental conflict has the biggest negative impact on kids. When parents are constantly arguing and badmouthing each other, plus tensions from the legal battles, it can create an environment of chronic stress and anxiety for kids.
This dad chose to take his emotions out on his kids, who are the true victims of the divorce.
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"I went to trial. My attorney fought like hell, but the judge said: 'Given the children's age, their preference will take precedence and we won't split them up, as it breaks their sibling bond,'" he recalled. Understandably, this dad was hurt. He wanted more time with his kids. He fought for more time with his kids. But not getting what you want as an adult and a parent is not cause for a temper tantrum, which is exactly how he behaved.
Divorce is hard enough on kids; they should never be forced to shoulder the hurt feelings of their parents. In fact, it's common for kids to feel guilt and even blame themselves for the split. That's why it's so important for parents to be explicit and intentional about the message that they are loved and not in any way at fault. This dad is doing the exact opposite. Psychologist Dr. Charles Fay explained, "Kids need to know that it's okay to love both of you. Don't place your child in a loyalty conflict by subtly suggesting that they should not love the other parent or have fun when they visit them."
"Well, my wife and I have been planning some travel with some of her friends, her sister, and their husbands. It includes 9 days in Spain and France. They picked the dates. We got tickets. The kids found out about it and have been asking me: 'We want to go. Why can't we go?'"
Instead of simply telling them that their schedules didn't align or better yet at least allowing them to join for part of the trip he went the selfish route. He said, "I told them: 'You’re young adults now. You chose to spend the majority of your time with your mother, and you got what you wanted. But choices have consequences. One of them is that you don’t get to join me on things like this.'"
His kids argued that it was their only chance to travel internationally, but he wasn't budging.
His kids were extremely upset and told their dad that it wasn't fair that they couldn't come, especially since they weren't able to afford joining on their own. Needless to say the commenters didn't feel compassion for his behavior which he argued was "fair." One user told him, "Don't blame your children for the difficult position you and your ex-wife placed them in. They didn't choose the breakdown of their parents' relationship."
His decision to exclude his kids from his vacation is both selfish and petty. While he may have been hurt by his kids' decision to live with their mom full-time, it doesn't give him the right to take out his feelings on them. At the end of the day, they're just children who were put in an impossible situation and clearly wanted the custody battle to be over, so they made a choice. It doesn't mean they don't love their dad.
It's obvious that he has unresolved emotional baggage from the split that he needs to deal with. That burden should not fall on his children. If he continues down this route, those kids will likely decide not to be around their dad at all.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
