Mom Creates Spreadsheet Of Everything She Pays For To Show Her Kids Their Dad Doesn't Contribute
She claimed her kids' father was bragging about paying for things when that wasn't the case.
Syda Productions | Canva A mom was accused of being a "jerk" by her children's father after exposing how little he contributes to household expenses. Posting to Reddit, she explained that her ex-partner had been lying to their two children to make himself seem more involved, and she decided to call him out on it.
Co-parenting with an ex is not easy, and this mom's experience is testament to that. The bigger question, however, is whether she should have really stooped to her ex's level and involved their kids in this mess? Their dad is obviously wrong, but as the saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right, and sometimes being the bigger person when it comes to parenting means putting your pride aside for the sake of what's best for the kids.
The woman created a spreadsheet and showed her children how little their dad contributes.
In her Reddit post, the mom of two shared that she provides a lot for her two kids, aged 11 and 13. "We live a pretty frugal life, all [of] my extra money I make goes into their college accounts or fun weekends," she wrote.
Once a month, her kids will spend time with their dad, who has been dubbed the "fun parent." However, the title has left a sour taste in her mouth since he doesn't give her money toward their children, but will pay for them to go on vacation.
fizkes | Shutterstock
While she admitted to biting her tongue when it comes to complaining about him in front of the kids, she's sick and tired of her ex "pushing the narrative" that if he weren't around, they wouldn't have a house to live in, since he claims that he still pays for it.
"It’s so false, and now the kids are going, 'Well, Dad pays for this.' My last straw [was] when the kids told me that it’s Dad who pays for the home," she continued. As a way to prove his lies, she pulled up a budget spreadsheet she had made. The spreadsheet consisted of all of the things she's paid for and all of the things that their father has not, and she showed it to her children. "The kids were upset for being lied to and the oldest [got] in an argument with him since she called to confirm."
After hearing about the spreadsheet, her ex-partner immediately got in contact with her and accused her of stirring up the situation and being a "jerk" about everything. "My friends are split on this and I am wondering if I went too far."
Many commenters agreed that she was right to tell her kids the truth about their dad's financial contributions.
"If he was actually lying and the kids were believing his lies, then absolutely unequivocally [not the bad guy], period. You almost had to do this," one user insisted. "He doesn't look bad in their eyes because you exposed him. He looks bad because he lied, to begin with, and because he created the situation that he lied about."
Another added, "Hard situation, but honestly showing a spreadsheet of expenses is a more considerate and thoughtful way of showing this to kids. They are old enough to begin to understand and this is better than emotional manipulation, guilt, or deceit."
"He opened the door talking about money with the kids. Trying to seem like a better parent than he is. You simply showed them the truth of the situation. Their dad likes being the fun guy, not the consistent parent," a third user argued.
Regardless of who is right, it's important to create a healthy and nontoxic co-parenting situation for children.
While it may be hard, co-parents should try their hardest to think about the best interests of their children and work together respectfully and cooperatively. A stable co-parenting dynamic can promote emotional stability, consistency, positive role modeling, effective communication, reduced stress, shared parental involvement, and long-term positive outcomes.
StockPhotoDirectors | Shutterstock
Marriage and family therapy expert Catherine K. Buckley, Ph.D., explained, "Research demonstrates that parents’ ability to effectively cooperate as co-parents is an important determinant of children’s well-being in divorced families, especially when the children are young."
That means as much as it might have pained her to do so, Mom should have simply handled the situation with her ex without clouding her kids' opinion of him. No, it's not easy to do, but no matter how angry an ex makes you, chances are those kids you made together love him and want him to be a supportive and nurturing presence.
It's hard enough for kids who have parents who aren't together. They don't need to deal with exes who are keeping score on who is the better parent.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
