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Avoid these classic communication errors in your relationship.
By Virginia Clark — Written on Sep 21, 2021
No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it won't last. When you find someone you can trust and feel safe with, you naturally imagine growing old together.
But all too often really good relationships that should last forever just fall apart. Why does that happen? It's often because of three common communication mistakes that, if not caught in time, will tear two people apart.
It's a fact that 93 percent of our communication is non-verbal, but you can't depend on non-verbal clues to keep love alive.
Ask any woman if she can remember a time when her partner's words hurt her. She'll remember every word that was said and also every detail of where it happened and what she was wearing. Words have a huge impact on how good we feel in a relationship.
So what are the three mistakes that can kill love?
1. You stop telling the truth.
Let's be real: Sometimes telling the truth is hard. We avoid it because we're afraid of the response we might get or we fear being judged. We might talk ourselves out of it and push it down, telling ourselves we don't have the time or energy to deal with it.
When you avoid confrontation by the "lie of omission," your resentment will build making you unhappy and putting a distance between you. If something is important you need to tell your partner the truth; even if your voice shakes and you're scared.
More often than not the anticipation of his reaction will be worse than the experience itself. When you withhold a truth it’s like you have a "secret" you're keeping that can't help but create a sense of distance and separation between you.
2. You stop being kind.
This is a slippery slope that people fall into when they're over the "honeymoon phase." It's rightfully said that "familiarity breeds contempt," meaning we hurt the ones closest to us because they're there! It's easy to forget that your lover who you now know so well is very vulnerable and sensitive to your reactions.
You might start relaxing a bit, sliding into being disrespectful and downright nasty. You think it shouldn't be a problem because of course, they know you love them. But if you're being cruel, using words like "stupid" or "lazy," you'll make an imprint on that person's heart that can't be erased.
If you belittle or berate each other you'll develop a thick skin; it will not only protect you from hurtful words but it will keep out the love you're longing for.
3. You stop listening with an open mind.
We all want to be right. Every war on the planet has been caused by people thinking they're right and their enemy is wrong. Wanting to be right is an epidemic in this country. Many good relationships fall apart because someone wanted to be right rather than happy.
An open mind requires you to stop judging your partner and stop making them wrong. How often have you changed your mind because someone told you you're wrong? That kind of persuasion never works.
To stop these communication mistakes, check in with yourself every day. It takes constant awareness to keep the feelings of safety and trust you had in the beginning alive. The biggest saboteur of a good relationship is the breakdown of communication when you lose your ability to talk to your partner as a friend. So, don't let it happen to you.
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Virginia Clark specializes in helping single women transform their relationships with men so they can have the marriage they’ve always wanted. Follow her on Twitter.