8 No BS Tips For Dating In Your 40s

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8 No-BS Tips for Dating in Your 40s
Love, Self

Dating in your 40s can be fun! It's all in how you approach it.

Dating in your 40s is a different ballgame than dating in your 20s.  

When you’re dating in your 20s, you’re bright-eyed and optimistic. When you’re dating in your 40s, you’ve been around the block a few times and likely hit a few bumps along the way. The rose colored glasses come off around the time you discover your long-term partner isn’t who you thought they’d be.

Regardless of whether you’ve been married or not, getting back out there after ending a long-term relationship is tough.

But, it doesn’t have to be a nightmare it can be a lot of fun! It’s all in how you approach it. In fact, it can be a lot more fun to date in your 40s than it was in your 20s!

However, since dating is so different now than in your past, there are a few things to keep in mind to make the experience a lot more rewarding.

As a woman in your 40s, yes, you’re wiser to the world and know relationships are hard. There are several beauties of dating in your 40s. For example:

  • You get to feel all those fluttery, exciting new love feelings all over again.
  • You know yourself so much better and, hopefully, make better choices.
  • Your confidence is a lot higher in your 40s, so not only do you feel better, but you’re much more attractive to potential dates (which makes it so much more fun!).

So, to make the most of your foray back into the dating world, it’s time for some tough love. Here 8 fun, no BS dating tips for women who are dating in their 40s:

1. Be clear about your goals.

Maybe you want something casual or long term or eventually marriage. Knowing what you want allows you to communicate it and stand strongly behind your needs.  

If you don’t want something casual and you meet someone who is only looking for something short-term or for fun, then move on to another guy (even if he is incredibly hot!).

2. Fill your cup first.

You cannot expect someone else to be the sole provider of your happiness. If you feel empty or like a man is the answer to your happiness — you’re not ready to date. You need to do some work on yourself before diving into the pool.  

Yes, men naturally want to make the woman in their life happy, but it’s not their responsibility to be the only thing that makes you happy. When you show up loving your life with friends, outside interests, and the ability to make yourself happy, it takes the pressure off for them to be your sole happiness provider.

3. Don’t simply try to fill an open position.

Your partner is more than just a position to be filled, yet so many women approach dating as if that’s the case. You want a boyfriend or husband so badly that you’ll overlook red flags just to have that person in your life.

If you do this, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and misery. Put effort into finding the right man for you. If he doesn’t fit you and your life, don’t hang onto him simply to have a boyfriend.

Hold out for the one that fits you best, is comfortable in your life, doesn’t hurt you, and will stand the test of time with you.

4. Don’t jump back in too soon. 

Recently divorced or out of a long-term relationship? It may seem like a good idea to get right back out there, but that’s never a good idea.

You need to take the time to heal and grow. Use that time as an opportunity to learn what went wrong and the part you played. Otherwise, you’re looking for a band-aid and you’ll keep making the same relationship mistakes again and again.

Take the time to reflect, learn who you are and what you want, then get back out there.  

You’re in a much better position than you were in your teens or 20s. You have all these years of life behind you that give you a ton of experience to draw on. Your intuition is much stronger, so listen to your gut and trust it!

RELATED: 7 Ways To Know You're REALLY Ready To Date Again

5. Be you.

Don’t try to act like someone you’re not; don’t try to dress like someone younger than you are.

Be you.

Showing up as your true self means that you have to know who you are and feel confident. This allows you to let others see your authentic self and not a facade. Your goal is to find someone that fits well with you and your life. How can you do that if you’re not putting the authentic you out there?

We all have our quirks, and you might be inclined to hide those, but those quirks are what make you... you. The right guy will adore those unique qualities about you, so just be you.

6. Be curious.

Approach each date with curiosity. Don’t go into it focused solely on if the guy will like you. Your primary goal is to find out if you like him.

Be curious about him, his past, and what he’s looking for (but don’t whip out a list of questions like it’s an interview!). If you approach dating with curiosity, it’ll make it so much more fun.

7. Upgrade your attitude.

So many women complain there aren’t enough good men out there — especially when you’re in your 40s. You assume men your age want younger women than you. Or, if they're still single, they must be a hot mess (ummm...no need to remind you, but you’re single too!).  

The idea that there are no good men left is flat out wrong.  

There are plenty of good men out there and they don’t all want a woman half their age (and if they do, just take that for the red flag that it is and move on)! But, if you approach dating with the attitude that most men suck, you’re not exactly going to give off an alluring vibe.

Would you want to go out with a man that thinks all women high-maintenance, clingy, gold diggers?   

RELATED: 2 HUGE Reasons Women Over 40 Have A Hard Time Finding Love

8. Stop saying that dating sucks.

What you say, think, and feel creates the energy you put out into the world. If you are approaching dating with the mindset that it sucks, then not only is that the vibe you send out (not good), but it’s also the lens through which you experience all of your dates.

Flip that lens to "Dating is fun" or "Dating is an adventure" and it’ll change how you experience it and make you appear a lot more approachable in the process.

Let’s be honest, dating in your 40s is different, but not necessarily in a bad way. You are more confident, in a different stage of life, and have a lot more experience under your belt.

Whether you want to date for short term companionship or a long-term partner, own who you are and what you desire. Don’t sacrifice your needs and wants. Hold out for what you are ultimately looking for, and you will find it. Be true to you and you will find success — however you define that!

Follow a few of these no BS tips, and it’ll turn your dating game around for the better. You deserve it!

Vicky Cook is a transition coach for Gen X women looking to find more purpose, connection, and adventure outside the corporate walls. You can join her free Facebook group, Gex X Connects, or follow her blog for empowering inspiration for defining your life on your own terms.

Watch this video of Expert Sherri Nickols talking about the challenges with dating after 40.

This article was originally published at Heart & Moxie. Reprinted with permission from the author.