What I Learned From My Affair With A Married Man

What I Learned From My Affair With A Married Man
Heartbreak, Love

Affairs are always about the search for wholeness.

I Learned About Myself:

1.) I am not here to attach myself to another person, living through and wrapping myself around their problems, trying to "save" somebody ill. I am not here to be them, I'm here to be me. I am not here to use this escape route to avoid Number Three. I am not here to use saving someone as a shortcut to self-worth or happiness. I am not here to trade saving someone for anything I'm supposed to provide for myself, especially the things I'm afraid I'm not good enough to achieve.

2.) Each person is responsible for healing themselves. I can't reach into my married ex-boyfriend's head, or my mother's head, no matter how their pain moves me, how sorry I feel for them, how much I wish their lives could be different, what I read, what I know, what worked for me, or how much I think they should do whatever worked for me. Their salvation is their own learning. It takes place in their heads, therefore they are the ones who have to reach it. I am not God, and I can make no one else do anything.

3.) I am here for self-development. All I'm supposed to do on this planet is become self-supporting, self-sufficient, and self-responsible. That means that money, health, happiness, and meaning in my life come from me, all me, and only me. I'm supposed to develop my own talents and my own self-belief and self-worth, nobody else's.

4.) I am here to evolve to taking the best care of myself, and to become perfectly okay all in myself. I'm here to believe in myself and to learn to joyfully do what I do best. It will be whatever it is, and that's good enough. Period. Whether I have anyone to share my life, or not.

5.) I do not need anybody else's anything. Ever.

6.) After a certain age, many of us women are alone. If I never find anyone else to be with, it's my job to be okay with that.

I Learned About Affairs:

7.) Attractions between people already involved in relationships and people not a part of the existing relationship are there to show us something. Therefore, simplistic moral answers, although they may be reflective of the insight we need, aren't the answers themselves.

8.) If we concentrate only on strict moral rules, and on how bad we are for wanting to be with a "forbidden" person, instead of looking for our own answers, we might miss something important. What we should concentrate on is the spirit of any moral rules we or others are reacting to, not their literal syntax, or the threat of spiritual punishment.

9.) Every affair situation is different.

10.) All three people bear responsibility.

11.) An affair is always symbolic of what needs to be developed in our lives. When we look for that, we're on the right track.

12.) Psychology and, in my case, astrology, can be helpful shortcuts to some answers we need. They're worth a look if you're struggling.

13.) Affairs start in childhood. Most adult relationship problems do. Therefore, if you are struggling with affair-related issues, go back to your childhood. You could probably use professional assistance to do this.