9 Huge Red Flags That Mean He Doesn't Want To Be With You — He Just Wants To Know He Has You

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Does He Like Me Or Not? 9 Dating Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Love, Heartbreak

Men do it and so do women — we put on the glasses that allow us to look at dating red flags and see them as white. Or, at least a pale and palatable shade of pink.

You might say they're "Bleaching Lenses" because they have the power to distort the way you perceive someone's behavior. You can't help but wonder, "Does he like me, for real?"

RELATED: 8 Adorable Signs He's Totally Into You

You're looking for love and taking in every relationship advice that you come across.

You want to be the girlfriend (or, at least, trying so hard to be the girlfriend) but thanks to those lenses that help you bleach red flags white (thanks to Jenny McCarthy for turning that phrase), you might just be blind to the red flags in a relationship.

Is he interested in you because he likes you or simply because you're convenient?

Here are 9 red flags that you're ignoring when you're dating or in a relationship.

1. You can't describe what you have

You hear yourself saying the words, "I’m kinda, sorta seeing this guy…"

He's never called you his girlfriend in front of anyone and you feel kind of weird and embarrassed if he heard you calling yourself his girlfriend. In fact, the "G" word just doesn't get thrown around.

2. You're only "talking"

You hear yourself saying, "We're only 'talking'," "We're just 'texting'," or "We're only hooking up."

And you pretend like that's fine, but get a few more martinis down and you can finally admit it's not.

3. You aren’t sure what he thinks about you

Or if he even thinks about you when you're not right in front of him and you aren't sure what he feels for you. Or if he feels anything for you.

In fact... does he have feelings? Maybe he's a robot — a machine. (Even if that machine is a sex machine, this still spells disappointment.)

4. He actions reveal doesn't think about you, at all

You wonder, out loud, who he's planning on taking to his company picnic and he doesn't know. He still doesn't know the day before.

And you have dropped mad hints about the great BBQ skewers you make!

RELATED: 13 Straightforward Signs He's Very, Very Much Into You

5. He acts more like a friend, not a boyfriend

If he treats you like a friend, not a flame, you’re not his girl. There should be heat!

"Can I borrow your Netflix password?" is not heat.

6. He flirts often with other women

They look at you and — seeing no threat — they flirt back.

Ouch. Sorry, love, you're not his lady.

7. His social media doesn't reflect your relationship

If his Facebook status says he’s single, you find out he still has a Tinder account, or he hasn’t deleted his Match.com profile, guess what?

You guessed it: You’re. Not. His. Girlfriend. (Sensing a pattern?)

8. He doesn't make an effort to see you

Relationships require effort from both partners, not just one. He should want to see you when it works for you — not just when it’s convenient for him.

Mutuality and respect are good fertilizers for relationship soil. If he's not seeding with these qualities, he doesn't intend for whatever you're doing together to lead anywhere.

9. He told you he's not interested in more

If he says, "I’m not really looking for a relationship right now", or "I’m not really interested in something serious," believe him.

People usually tell you the truth about who they are [and what they want] upfront, or, as Maya Angelou said, "when people show you who they are, believe them" — and they do it through their words and/or their actions.

Pay attention to what he does in addition to what he says. Rare is the guy who changes his mind about this.

Obviously, the more relationship red flags you detect, the worse your chances are of getting the clarity and the security you probably desire.

But, you deserve to know where you stand and where things are headed so you can use your dating energy where you'll be appreciated and valued.

So, if you're ready to love and be loved, take these tips to heart, get honest with yourself, and break the habit of bleaching those red flags white!

RELATED: 23 Subtle Signs That Let You Know He's Totally Fallen Head-Over-Heels For You

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Suzanna Mathews is an expert in interpersonal communications and dating specializing in flirting, first impression management, high net worth dating, and intergenerational relationships. She is also a keynote speaker, image consultant, and the author of the book Revising Mrs. Robinson: Navigating Cougar-Cub Dating & Relationships.

This article was originally published at The Date Maven. Reprinted with permission from the author.